What constitutes rape?

[RagDoll]

Yeh, thankfully my boyfriend is nothing like my ex, he's a good guy. Ironically I know my boyfriend through the ex that I'm referring to above though! Funny how things work out isn't it...

[dipsydoodlenoodle]

Do you think this might be one of the reasons your sex life is affected now?

[Bel Bel]

Yes that's a good point if this has been on your mind it's no wonder you haven't been feeling up to it

[RagDoll]

I don't think so as our sex life was fine for the first year and obviously all this happened before I got together with my boyfriend... although I think it took me a long time to actually realise/admit to myself that this could just about be rape. I swept it under the carpet for a long time, which is also how I managed to have a relationship with the guy in question.

[snail]

I don't think so as our sex life was fine for the first year and obviously all this happened before I got together with my boyfriend...

That's very logical, but actually I wouldn't rule it out on those grounds. Sometimes things take a while to come to the surface, depending on all sorts of other issues.

[dipsydoodlenoodle]

I wouldn't rule it out either; something your bf/you may have said or done has subconciously brought it back into your mind.

[ILoveChristmas]

I know it's quite an old post, so i'm sorry if nobody wants to start it up again, but I had a couple of thoughts about it.

What I do know is that I had already made it clear earlier that day that I didn't want to have sex with him and he still went ahead knowing how I felt about the matter.

So then does it come down to how ethical this man is? I mean let's say hypothetically you went back to his place, blind drunk, ended up kissing and one thing led to another with no resistance from you. Was he meant to stop and think "hang on, Rag Doll said earlier today that she didn't want to do this", even in the face of you now being all for it?

I'm just not sure most people would do that, especially if this guy later turned out to be somone you don't want to know. Personally I would consider it rape, but the evils of drink make this just like the vast majority of cases, impossible to prove. For the record, I would have tucked you into bed and gone to sleep on the sofa :/

[RagDoll]

I don't really want to talk about this one much more, but just very quickly, I know what you're saying, but I also know that there's no way I was: "...now being all for it". I was way too drunk for that for a start, plus, I didn't want to and don't see how that would have changed in a couple of hours. I have a 'rule' that I don't sleep with people unless I'm officially going out with them and that wouldn't have wavered just because I'd had a drink. Also, the bruises and cuts etc. indicate that there was a bit of a struggle.