Need a shoulder to cry on

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Need a shoulder to cry on

Postby Portrayed Angel » Mon Apr 14, 2003 12:13 am

I have a lot of phobias in my life, like looking up at the sky for instance and afraid of being alone, but I am also known to suffer from anxiety attacks - I have done for around 2 or 3 years now. My attacks are mainly due to my abnormal heart beat, it's nothing serious, but it's also uncommon and there is no cure. Though recently I have been suffering more than ever, because all of my fears are turning to reality and my hopes and dreams are shattering in front of my very eyes.

To be honest, I am normally a very happy person in life, but there are a lot of hard times in there too. It's just with every hardship I face, it leaves a wound that takes a lot of time to heal, but it also leaves a huge scar that taunts me.

Today is the day that I have officially split with my boyfriend, the day before our 1 year and 2 months of going with each other as well. I am traumatized.. he made so many promises to me and I believed them all, but I feel like they were only there to be broken. I feel like my fate is to be lonely, and that I don't deserve to live because of all the stupid mistakes I've made - even though I've apologized for them.

A lot of things have been making my life hectic at the moment, and I wish I had someone to talk to about it. I've considered seeing a proffesional, but whenever I consult my family, they tell me there is nothing wrong and to stop being silly. I am also worried that it will cost money, and I am unsure as to how to get to a proffesional within my area (Sheffield, England). Do you have to be a specific age? (I'm 14 by the way - sorry for not posting in the under 16's board but I feel older than that.)

I wish I could say more, but I know I'm just a burden. I'm really thankful to anyone who may be reading this, but please don't take my problems to heart. There are so many things I feel right now, but all I can do is bottle it up and continue to make it worse for myself - as I not only lost a boyfriend, but also my best (and only) friend, perhaps the only person who ever cared for me.

If there is anyone out here that has msn, is confidential and doesn't mind chatting for a long while, please contact me. I really need the company and support that so many have failed to give me.

Thank you,

Portrayed Angel
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Postby Enigma » Mon Apr 14, 2003 12:33 am

Hi Portrayed Angel.

The point of these forums is that problems are discussed and evaluated in the open. We are not here to provide private consultation, and for security purposes we would not recommend that you do.

Please continue to tell us what's on your mind...
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Postby Portrayed Angel » Mon Apr 14, 2003 7:24 pm

I'm sorry, I just have so many problems that link into one an' other, I feel that it'd be best talking to someone about it all. I really don't know where to start with talking about it, but if you like I'll raise one problem per post, if that's okay (?)


School. It's taken away all of my childhood and destroyed any happiness that was in my life. The work for starters is very pressuring, and I have a lot of work deadlines to meet. It doesn't help either that I was forced to do additional work because the teachers thought it might bring out my social side and help me to make friends. But it's not just the work I feel frustrated about, but also the people there.

I am a very mature person for my age, and it frustrates me so bad to see people acting so inappropriatly - especially the people I have to call 'friends'. They bug the rubbish out of me, but I have to stand by them, otherwise the bullying would increase, and being alone is one of the greatest fears in my life. I have no one to turn to about my problems, no one to take away the pain anymore, and I feel like I don't deserve the right to be living because of all the stupid mistakes I've made and been unable to forgive myself (and to be forgiven) for.

The things that tick me off is the way that people act towards one an' other, and that they all just can't grow up and get minds of their own. I try to be very creative and imaginative through my work, and I spend a good few hours doing so, but to only find someone copying my ideas and receiving all the praise. I hate thinking that I've been doing someone else's work, especially some git who doesn't deserve to be successful and happy by the way they treat others. I have really bad confidence with myself and my work now.

I feel that everyone is intimidating towards me, and they don't realise that I'm not 4 years old anymore. I feel intimidated because I happen to be thin, and people don't expect me to eat anything. When I do people stare and it makes me feel uncomfortable and then the 'friends' start clapping their hands and saying "Wow, Sarah 'CAN' eat afterall!" in a tone I disapprove of. I feel like ideas are being placed into my mind, like I'm not supposed to be eating anything, and that it's wrong for me to be doing so. I can't enjoy eating anymore because of all this mess and my weight keeps decreasing. It doesn't help either that I'm paranoid of becoming fat because I've seen the way my Mum shouts at my Dad because of his weight problem, and I don't want to be shouted at like that.

With school, I feel like I don't have a mind of my own anymore and that everything is being decided for me. I become so frustrated with myself and stressed at the slighest thing, I don't have control over the way I act.


Well, I've probably bored you enough with this, but I could talk about this one subject for the rest of my life. If you happen to have any advice you can offer me, then please do reply to this post. I'll be talking about the second thing that makes my life the way it is in my next post.

Thank you for your time -

Portrayed Angel
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Postby smile » Wed Apr 16, 2003 5:07 pm

Hi Angel,

I've been going through some difficulties lately as well. I know how hard it can be if you don't have anyone to talk to. I closed up for months, not knowing how to express myself anymore. I posted my problems on here and just posting them made me feel much better. I had opened up at alst and I wasn't the only person who knew how I felt. (I hope this is mking some sense) I'm 15 and my school referred me to a organisation called Connexions. I now have a personal advisor who comes round when I feel like talking and opening up. Connexions are confidential people who are trained to listen and help you to come through your problems. I'm in London and I know that there are quite a few Connexion offices around here. I think there is one in Sheffield but I can't find the info on it. Here's their website anyway:

Click on Connexions Service to find the nearest one to you. It does help to talk. Just spill it all out on here if you want. We all listen. Take care and I hope things work out for you.

x x x x
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Just remember to keep smiling!
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Postby happiness will come » Tue Apr 22, 2003 9:03 pm


A lot of what you are saying comes to mind when i think of my time at school. There are always gonna be annoying bast**ds who try to annoy just because you are an an easy target. When i was at school i had so called friends who annoyed me and i hated it, but the way to deal with it is not to take it seriously. When you take these insults seriously, you immediately create more tension than is needed, and your blood pressure goes throught the roof. It just creates more stress than is needed, and its so obvious that they are just trying to annoy you to see the results, and if they arent successful then they wont get any pleasure out of i. If they do it again, just ignore it totally, dont even twitch, after a while they will get the message that u are getting bored of it and eventually they will get bored of themselves. People who annoy other people are just annoyed by their own life, they take their own hurtful feelings out on other people because they feel like they have been targeted to get these feelings.
Eventually all this hurt u are feeling will die down, never ever ever ever ever feel that u are alone because there are so many people out there who are willing to help, when people hear other people's feelings there is an automatic urge to help them becuase they know how you feel, just like i know how u feel.
When i look back on my school years i now know that i should never have worried about all my problems because it isnt worth it, i know it seems hard to believe but people dont actually mean what they say, they say these things because they are hurting inside themselves. When u are younger it is harder to realise these things becuase there are so many other worries to think about, but as i grew up i found that your mind is more clearer to think about thinks, sure i still have my worries but you have more ability to view things more widely. I could definitly say my problems have made me a better person, and i pride myself of this as without problems you wouldnt be able to avoid future mistakes. Problems make you more a person, they make you harder, more endurable, i know i am. Just dont worry about what people think about u and just focus on what u wanna acheive in life, who u wana become, thats the most important thing. Let us know how it goes on and keep contact.
happiness will come
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Postby Gem » Fri Apr 25, 2003 1:10 am

I hope that through coming on here and going through some of your problems has started to make you feel better, it really can make all the difference.

You seem to be a very sensitive person, your feelings about others around you are not all that uncommon, lots of people feel like you, they just don't tend to talk about it. It helps to think of school as what it is.......a place to learn, it sounds very boring but, believe me, when you leave school with good grades, you'll notice the difference. Remember that these people are not going to be around you all your life, take what they say with a pinch of salt, don't take it to heart.

You sound as though you have a great mind, put that to use with other things that you enjoy doing, don't be pulled down by other peoples childish behaviour, let them do their thing and you do yours.

In time you will see that your frustrations with those around you will actually help you as you will never become one of them, this shows independance even at such a young age. Also, please try to remember that you are still growing, your hormones are all over the place and they tend to intensify any emotions you have, it's a bit of a pain but we all have to go through this.

As for splitting with your boyfriend, I know things seem bad right now but each morning when you wake up, you are a day closer to getting over him. You're young and you will have many opportunities to be in relasionships, boys are not usually as emotionally advanced as girls at 14, they're still a pain at 21...and I can tell you that from my own experience!!
This boy was obviously not right for you hun, someone will come along eventually who will be perfect for you.

In all of this, I think its good to remember that the ups and downs in life are character building, all of these experiences will add together to make you the sensitive and intelligent young woman that you will undoubtedly become, take care and let us know how you get on,
Who decided what order to put the alphabet in?
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