I don't know why I'm like this.

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I don't know why I'm like this.

Postby danielle.x » Fri Mar 27, 2009 1:40 pm

I have been with my boyfriend for over 5 months now, and he's really put up with alot. I am actually crazy.

I get so jealous, I lose my temper over nothing, sometimes I just feel completely worthless and depressed, and other times I'll just wake- up and be nasty to him for no reason. He notices that I can be pretty deffensive and accidently rude to people, and I end up starting an argument with him about how I wasn't (when I matter of fact I probably was.) I think his friends think I am literally crazy, and to be honest I think I am too, because I don't know why I'm like this. Sometimes with other people I can be pretty short, and snap, and other times I'm the life and soul of the party, and I'm a great laugh.

I was bullied through school, and even now at university I feel like I've got no friends. I don't know wther the bullying would have affected me and that's why I act in this way. Without realising it, it just seems like I test him, I push him so far and see if he'll snap, and 5 months in, he hasn't. But it just doesn't stop me, I just keep going, without even realising it. I accuse him of liking other girls, I HATE every girl he knows except his sister and his mum.

I just can't seem to stop. I think I'm such a defensive person, and the minute I realise we're close I try and push him away.

I don't know what to do.
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Re: I don't know why I'm like this.

Postby RagDoll » Fri Mar 27, 2009 2:36 pm

I have to admit that I can kinda relate to this. I don't think I feel as bad as you describe; but I also get very jealous and lose my rag over nothing at times. With me I think it comes down to being both insecure and competitive... I can't stand the thought of our girls being better than me, but at the same time assume they are. My boyfriend has a hard time understanding why I'm like this and so do I to be perfectly honest. There's a few things that have badly affected me in the past, but at the same time I don't want to sound all 'poor me' because relatively speaking I know I've had the life of riley.

It's easier said than done, but you've got to find a way of getting some perspective. Your boyfriend sounds very supportive and understanding so you have to keep reminding yourself of what you've got - you're lucky to have found someone like that. If you keep pushing him away eventually he might snap and leave, deep down I assume you don't want that, so you have to remind yourself everytime you feel like you're about to act unreasonably that you COULD lose him and will regret pushing him.

If all else fails I would suggest counselling, I'm considering it myself.
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Re: I don't know why I'm like this.

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Mar 30, 2009 10:51 am

yes i think conselling or at the least a self help book on sefl esteem
I definately think the bullying has got to you, they have made you feel like you don't deserve happiness
Write down all the positive things about your self and everyday read it and tell yourself today you are going to enjoy life and be the best person you can
Starting off on a positive note each day should help turn what could be a bad day into a good one
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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