I think I have a problem

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I think I have a problem

Postby worriedangel » Sun Apr 19, 2009 5:23 am

Hi :) My name is Nichola, and I'm 23 years old.

I'm the eldest child of a family of four siblings. My brother was born with severe cerebral palsy when I was 2 years old. Due to him requiring 24 hour care, provided by my Mum, I never really became socially outgoing as a child because we didn't do anything as a family often. They were very protective of me and as a teenager I had some issues with that.

Although I was always prone to crying, and felt I often did things for attention, and maybe acted a little bit dramatic, when I was 18 I went to University to study Law, and I felt I changed for the better. I became more confident, happy, outgoing and opinionated. It was during this time that my parents were undergoing a Negligence claim against a hospital in regards to my Brother's disability. The result was an out of court settlement of £1,000,000.

A lot of new things happened, and I met my first boyfriend, and I slowly drew away from my studies. I became less interested because of the drama in my personal life, and rather recklessly I ended up dropping out and working in a shop full time. My parents were extremely dissapointed in me, I guess understandably. Shortly afterwards, I split with my then boyfriend and began dating a guy 10 years my senior, who has a 12 year old child. After 3 months I moved in with him.

After about 6 months of living with my boyfriend, my brother died. My parents had to sell their house to pay the inheritance tax, and my Dad got diagnosed with Multiple Schlerosis which they believed was intensified by the stress and shock of what had happened.

It was from this point I have never felt happy. My boyfriend and I have not had sex for about a year and a half now, because he doesn't seem interested anymore. I hate my work because I feel worthless there, I am deeply unhappy in my relationship, I don't like going to my parents because I always feel bad there, and I've lost contact with all my friends ever since I got with my current partner. I have absolutely no one to talk to. I break down for what feels like no reason everyday. I sometimes self harm out of frustration. I often feel like I'm going insane because I think about things, and I lose my breath and feel light headed, and panic. I've told my boyfriend how I feel, but he looks me like he is scared of me and doesn't really want to talk about it.

I geniunly want to die. I just know I wouldn't be able to though, because I'm too scared to do so. I wish I wasn't :(. I feel like everything in my life is severely messed up and I have no idea how to go about fixing it, and I sometimes wonder if there is even any point. I don't know if I am depressed, or have some mental health problems, but it feels like I'm going crazy sometimes. I'm sorry about the amount of text here, but I wanted to explain thoroughly so I could try to make sense of it myself. Thank you so much for reading.
'We Who Are Truly Brave Will Never Live In Fear' - The Rock
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Re: I think I have a problem

Postby spacegirl » Sun Apr 19, 2009 10:20 am

First of all, i'm sorry you've had such a hard time, but i think you can take steps to make it better.
it sounds like the stress and pressures of your life have finally caught up with you, i would advise that you go and speak to someone professionally, to get an objective view. this would allow you to offload and identify the main issues that are really bothering you, you will feel a lot better being able to get it off your chest. try to rebuild relationships with your friends, you'ld be surprised to find that the ones who were your true friends before will still be there for you, but you will have to make an effort with them to put things right.
you said you felt better when you were at university, why don't you go back? this was a time in your life that you were independant, meeting new people and learning new things. it sounds like your life now has become a routine that you're not happy with, what's stopping you from changing it?
If your boyfriend couldn't care less that you're having such a hard time in your life, you need to ask yourself if he's right for you.

if things aren't going well for you, you need to make deisions on what you're going to do to make it better, and stick to them.
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Re: I think I have a problem

Postby morris mouse » Sun Apr 19, 2009 3:19 pm

spacegirl wrote: It sounds like the stress and pressures of your life have finally caught up with you, i would advise that you go and speak to someone professionally to get an objective view. This would allow you to offload and identify the main issues that are really bothering you, you will feel a lot better being able to get it off your chest.


I agree with "spacegirl"

If your boyfriend couldn't care less that you're having such a hard time in your life, you need to ask yourself if he's right for you.


This male really isn't helping you,so you should give serious thought to that.
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Re: I think I have a problem

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Apr 21, 2009 12:25 pm

i agree with the others

it would be such ashame to let past events ruin your life too, you are still young enough to get a good life back and i think conselling will help you achieve this
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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