In Limbo! :(

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In Limbo! :(

Postby crumpetsandtea » Fri Apr 24, 2009 12:23 pm

As you might know a few months ago I decided to leave uni.
As a brief catch up I got a bit disillusioned with the course, I had a few family problems and was finding it really hard to concentrate, and despite trying my hardest I was really struggling and I was really really miserable. I'd never felt so down in my whole life.

I found it all really heartbreaking because I had always done really well at school and excelled in everything, I got onto a course in a subject I loved and I counted myself lucky because unlike a lot of people, I knew exactly what I wanted to do and how I was going to do it. I've got a very large family, and me and my cousin are the first ones to go to uni, and I'm the only one who hasn't gotten into any trouble (I love them but, honestly you wouldn't think i was related to any of my family if we were all the same room!) and everyone is really proud of me. Which I am grateful for but its a lot of pressure living up to it all.

I left with the intention of carrying on my course in my home town and this is where the stress has started! I need to apply again through UCAS and my tutor needs to write me a reference. I've got my form all ready to go, but despite chasing her up on it several times, she hasn't sent it to me. I emailed her AGAIN on monday, and she replied on tuesday saying someone from the office was sending it over, but its now friday and i've heard nothing.
I'm getting very worried its going to be too late to apply now :( I don't know what I'm going to do if I don't get in.
I'm getting really disheartened and I keep doubting whether this is what I even want to do anymore. I feel like i'm in limbo until my tutor sends me this reference, because I don't want to go back up to my old uni at all. I can't plan anything or get on with my life until I know what's happening. In the meantime i've got a new job with more hours to keep me busy, they're really nice and they've said they'll keep me on at weekends if I go back to uni. I've also got a work placement related to my degree coming up in the summer, and I'm applying for more to boost my CV and prove to whatever uni I apply to that i'm still interested in the subject. But I feel like its all a bit pointless until I've got a place.

Me and my boyfriend really want to move in together in september, but we don't know whether we can do that or not until I know whether I've got a place at uni, so I feel bad because he keeps getting really excited but I keep having to remind him I still don't know what my situation is yet.

I've been waking up at 5.30am every morning for the past couple of weeks and I'm SHATTERED. I'm really not sleeping well. I'm getting really forgetful, like I keep planning things with people and forgetting or forgetting conversations.
I even forgot to tell my work in the city I go to uni in that I wasn't coming back after the easter break, and i'm on the rota for sunday and I forgot to even tell them. I felt terrible and I apoligised and said I would go up if they needed me, and my manager was really not happy with me and was quite blunt on the phone (rightly, I can understand). I just don't know what is up with me. It sounds stupid but i'm not used to letting people down or people being cross with me and I feel really bad.

Then I nearly passed out the other day and I've still not got to the bottom of it because I can't get an appointment with my GP.

I feel like I'm not myself at all at the moment, I feel like I'm really not in control of anything in my life at the moment and I'm just completely in limbo. Its getting me really down now because I'm not used to not doing well or not having structure or things planned out. I feel like I've got so much on my plate in addition to this that I can't deal with it all. I just feel like hiding away under the duvet today even though I know it won't help!
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Re: In Limbo! :(

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri Apr 24, 2009 12:30 pm

crumpetsandtea wrote:I've got a very large family, and me and my cousin are the first ones to go to uni, and I'm the only one who hasn't gotten into any trouble (I love them but, honestly you wouldn't think i was related to any of my family if we were all the same room!) and everyone is really proud of me. Which I am grateful for but its a lot of pressure living up to it all.

I left with the intention of carrying on my course in my home town and this is where the stress has started! I need to apply again through UCAS and my tutor needs to write me a reference. I've got my form all ready to go, but despite chasing her up on it several times, she hasn't sent it to me. I emailed her AGAIN on monday, and she replied on tuesday saying someone from the office was sending it over, but its now friday and i've heard nothing.


Firstly with your tutor keep emailing and calling her until you get what you need. I did that with some marks from my first degree I needed and they EVENTUALLT got the secretary to send them out.

As for being the first ones into uni - well done, I was the first one from my family too. However I didn't find any pressure because of it - even if I didn't get 100% or whatever my family were still proud of me because I was the first to go and even if I didn't do so well I was the first to go). You are the first one from your immediate family (parents, siblings) to go to uni and joint first with the extended family (cousins, aunties, uncles etc). That is an achievement in it's self.
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Re: In Limbo! :(

Postby earthchild » Fri Apr 24, 2009 12:49 pm

hey crumpetsandtea,

not sure i can offer any really good advice but ill try,

i think you should keep contacting your tutor and express now that the deadline is fast approaching and you need her reference or you'll loose your place. Express this as much as you can. Its probably that he/she is really busy and may not appreciate that you need it before a certain date ?

its good that you left the course as you didnt feel was right for you and was making you miserable, that must of been hard to do but you did it for all the right reasons and you should remind yourself of this before you even comtemplate feeling like a failure!
crumpetsandtea wrote:I've also got a work placement related to my degree coming up in the summer

this is good, i think it will really help you decide whether you should go back and continue your course.

it sounds like your extremely stressed out, would it be possible for you to take a few days out and just relax and forget about things for awhile? i think its worth giving yourself this time and catch up on some sleep! its so hard to think clearly when your bogged down and tired.
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Re: In Limbo! :(

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Apr 27, 2009 11:28 am

i would call rather than e mail and then contact the secretary too so she will hopefully put presure on the tutor
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