My gran has dementia

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My gran has dementia

Postby littlemiss_may » Thu May 07, 2009 11:28 am

She was in a care home but has been moved to hospital as she has stopped eating & drinking. We're told this is the last stage of Dementia. The hospital have put her on a drip and said she can go back to the home tomorrow. If she goes back to the home and still continues not to eat or drink, how long will this go on for? It's awful watching her waste away....
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Re: My gran has dementia

Postby Bel Bel » Thu May 07, 2009 12:43 pm

Unfortunately while she is on a drip it could go on for a while yet
My nan didn't have dementia but she couldn't communicate anymore and refused to eat of drink becasue i think she wanted to die
So they put her on a drip and it was some weeks before she went
It is horrible to watch people suffer like this and i just don't understand in cases like this were their is obviosuly no getting better why people can't be put to slepp like dogs and cats are
If it makes you feel any better at least your gran won't know what is going on becasue of her dementia :grouphug:
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Re: My gran has dementia

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu May 07, 2009 2:06 pm

Bel Bel wrote:It is horrible to watch people suffer like this and i just don't understand in cases like this were their is obviosuly no getting better why people can't be put to slepp like dogs and cats are


I agree, I think it should be legalised (euthanasia -sp?). Provided the person has expressed their wish and deemed as "fit" to make a choice. The government say it's not humane, yet we treat our dogs and cats better than we do our own friends and family when it comes to death. If someone said your dog is in 100% pain and he will live another few months, what do you do? - You have him put to sleep, if the doctors say that about a relative - then they pump them with painkillers and watch them die.


To littlemiss_may :grouphug: is there a possibility of her going into hospital permanantly or a nursing home where they can keep an eye on her eating?
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Re: My gran has dementia

Postby peecee » Thu May 07, 2009 2:08 pm

They won't send her back to the care home until she's stabilised enough for the carers to look after her - the drip is making an enormous difference to her health, and you'll probably find that she starts talking and taking notice of things again, even if none of it makes sense, and doesn't last very long.

Darling, I know how hard the waiting is, your nan could be up and then down again for ages, there really is no predicting how long it could take; in my wide experience of this, doctors hardly ever bother to give an estimate, because people are so unpredictable, stubborn, and downright human!! =D> , that it's nearly impossible to give an accurate estimate. Your nan will have brief moments where she knows what's going on, then she'll wander off again. For your own sake, you need to accept that and come to terms with it.

But your nan will be in the best possible place when she goes back to the care home; the girls really care about the residents, and they do their absolute best for them.

YOU are the one I'm concerned about. You hate to see her like this, because you know how she SHOULD be; you love her, and you wish it could be over, one way or the other. And you feel guilty and horrible for wanting that. But everybody in your situation feels like that, all over the world, you're not alone, you're not horrible.

So try not to waste time feeling guilty, but use your energy to wish your nan all the happiness you can think of. And if you can bear the sadness of visiting her, make sure that you tell her how much you love her, and thank her for everything she's done for you. Even if you think she doesn't hear you, I think she does.

Lots of love

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Re: My gran has dementia

Postby morris mouse » Thu May 07, 2009 2:51 pm

So try not to waste time feeling guilty, but use your energy to wish your nan all the happiness you can think of. And if you can bear the sadness of visiting her, make sure that you tell her how much you love her, and thank her for everything she's done for you.


By being like this towards your gran,it's a very positive way to be. Then,later on,you can look back,think of your gran &
feel that you did the best that you could,at the time.
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Re: My gran has dementia

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu May 07, 2009 2:54 pm

peecee wrote:So try not to waste time feeling guilty, but use your energy to wish your nan all the happiness you can think of. And if you can bear the sadness of visiting her, make sure that you tell her how much you love her, and thank her for everything she's done for you. Even if you think she doesn't hear you, I think she does.


I agree with this; if it doesn't look like you are getting through I'd still think you are. My grandma lost it a bit towards the end and she only recognised us (me, and my parents), she didn't recognise my uncles or their families...I do think it was down to the fact we visited, my mam made an extra effort to help her even though she was my dad's mam. My dad went and visited her at least once a week where as the rest of the family kind of abandoned her and set there eyes on a very rich elderly aunty rather than their poor mother.
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Re: My gran has dementia

Postby littlemiss_may » Thu May 07, 2009 3:21 pm

You're right, the home have said they can't have her back if she is on a drip. I've heard from my Uncle, he said she's drinking tea through a straw and is talking about her mum and dad. I don't know if she has eaten anything but I'll know more when I see her tonight.

Thank you.
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Re: My gran has dementia

Postby morris mouse » Thu May 07, 2009 3:54 pm

littlemiss_may wrote: I've heard from my Uncle, he said she's drinking tea through a straw and is talking about her mum and dad.


"littlemiss_may" that's something to feel positive about. :)

I don't know if she has eaten anything but I'll know more when I see her tonight.


Please remember to tell us how you get on.
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Re: My gran has dementia

Postby snail » Thu May 07, 2009 8:29 pm

The problem with euthanasia is that, if it became legal, people may feel pressured into it, so as not to be 'a burden' . This is already an issue for relatives of those on life support but with no brain activity - people have gone on record as saying that they felt pressured by the doctors to agree to switch off the machines and free up the bed, even if they weren't psychologically ready themselves to do that. It's a different situation to that we experience with our pets, and can't really be compared. I am not in favour of a change to the law - there is flexibility in some cases of assisted suicide, and I think that is enough.

Littlemiss, this is so tough :( As Morris says, let us know how things go. You can always talk about things on here if you can't talk to your family.
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Re: My gran has dementia

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri May 08, 2009 9:36 am

snail wrote:I am not in favour of a change to the law - there is flexibility in some cases of assisted suicide, and I think that is enough.


I'm not saying change the law at all - I was just saying it's quite unfair for some people. There was a lady on the news not that long ago and she was trying to get access for her husband to take her for assisted suicide when she was in too much pain and ready to 'go'. I think she said if I'm not allowed it then I'll go now when I am still able to so my husband doesn't get in trouble for helping me. It's a shame for people like her.


Littlemiss_may - drinking tea is an improvement; it's a heck of an improvement. Is there no possibility to bribe her into saying you'll take her out somewhere nice (anywhere she wants to go) for dinner?

Please do tell us how she is getting on :)
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Re: My gran has dementia

Postby littlemiss_may » Fri May 08, 2009 12:51 pm

I went to see her last night and she was much better. She drank a whole cup of tea and is looking much better (probably due to the fact she's on a drip).
She did get our names mixed up a few times but she knew she knew us.

The only thing that concerns us is if she goes back her care home after being on the drip, will she become dehydrated again if she stops eating and drinking?

x
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Re: My gran has dementia

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon May 11, 2009 9:54 am

littlemiss_may wrote:She did get our names mixed up a few times but she knew she knew us.


She recognises you at least - that is good. My friends gran lost it a bit towards the end and she recoginsed everyone but she always got them muddled up - my friend, was sad about it, but still happy because at least she was still recognised as family rather than not being recognised at all.

littlemiss_may wrote:The only thing that concerns us is if she goes back her care home after being on the drip, will she become dehydrated again if she stops eating and drinking?


She will, however the care home should be aware of the situation and should keep a closer eye on her and her eating/drinking.
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Re: My gran has dementia

Postby Girl_babi » Thu May 14, 2009 3:18 pm

Hi there, sorry to her your Gran has dementia. I work in a nursing home and see this on a regular bases. I have found with some of them that dont eat and drink is to offer them there favourite things like they used to eat before going into a care home. Ill give an example iv got someone that hates eating main meals and sandwichs but i put a bowl of ice cream in front of them and they will eat it all. Try seeing what you gran would really like and take it in for her next time you see her.
Hope this helps.
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Re: My gran has dementia

Postby morris mouse » Thu May 14, 2009 8:47 pm

Girl_babi wrote: Try seeing what you gran would really like and take it in for her next time you see her.


Good idea "Girl_babi" :D
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Re: My gran has dementia

Postby LemonJuice87 » Mon May 18, 2009 12:54 pm

Perhaps when you next go to see your Gran, you could take some 'memories' with you. Like pictures of you all together?
You can tell her who's who, what you were doing that day and how much fun you had.
You could even write on the back of the photo of when, where and who is in the picture.

We did this with my Great Gran. We let her keep the photo's, and when we went to see her she kind of linked us back to the photo.
Near the end she didnt have a clue who we were. But my cousin got "You're that bonnie wee bairn from the photo i have" (We're Scottish Lol, so basically, your that pretty little 'child') Which thinking about it now, it makes me laugh.

It's just an idea and i'm not saying its going to help your Gran. It's just something you can do to lighten the mood a little bit, have a bit of a giggle with with her when you see her. :)
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