Fighting my mind

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Fighting my mind

Postby Zootzey » Thu May 07, 2009 9:41 pm

I'm contansilty fighting my head...all the time...everyday.

To help you understand i'll tell you abit about myself. I have low self esteem, i have at least 4 people in my life with an eating disorder and i'm over weight. I'm contanstly worried about my family and crime where i live. I get parnoide that people don't like me if they don't talk to me. I hate it when my firends have text messages with each other, or send notes to each other WITH EVRYONE ELSE THERE TOO!!! why can' they talk in priavte? I never talk about anything serious to people becuase i am 1.) to scared to hurt people's feelings 2.) to scared to say somethingw wrong and have a group of people gang up on me 3.)just don't know how to start the important conversations with people. My firends don't tell me whats up, but they tell each other...even the ones who gossip behind there back..and they know!! I'm always trying to get people to like me, and am worrid that i've said something wrong. I have an image in my head of what i want to be...and i'm not that. I have constant mood swing (happy to sad and back) I haven't had a boyfirend in at least 5 years. I take evrything to heart, worrid i'm push over, i think i'm ugly, i do things embrassing and i'm not sure weather i like my firends telling the story's (even though they are funny) and i'm soooo stressed with exams at the moment.

Why do i take evrything to heart? Why can't i just relax and not care wether people talk about me behind my back or not? Or not care if they talk about there problems with each other...i mean there's nothing to say they HAVE to tell me...but were best firends so i thought they might. I just think if they don't ask me they don't want me to help...and on the rare occastions when they do tell me stuff i'm worrid i'm not being good enough help. I want to stop worrying, it's acutally ruining my chances of making something of myself, and i'm just always too scared. I hate being snappy and having mood swings and not knowing stuff!

And laslty i'm allways left out! and ALWAYS FORGOTTEN!!! it's soooo annoying... When my firends remember me it's good and fun and we have a laugh! but when they don't....it's always...and...me.....never me and somebody else for a change. My firends all text other but no-one ever texts me...you know...i mean i don't mind them seeing each other with out me....it's just...well i do mind...but why do i mind?!?!?! i really shouldn't becuase i do it!!!! =(

Why do i constanlty have the need to be...needed? or loved? or even as far as looked up to? Why do i assume things and come to the conlcution that people don't like me....? becuase i'm soo worrid about being liked?
I hate my self for it but i can only feel confomort when i worry about it....messed up huh? I hide away behind this bubble personalty, and feel i can't talk to people becuase....they all have there own problems? and why should i tell them mine if they don't tell me there?....how stupid is that? I constanly wrry about how people talk behind other people's back, and how one wrong word with one person can be the end of your soical life....:( (i had a bad exspeince in primary school)

thanks for reading =) means a lot
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Re: Fighting my mind

Postby earthchild » Fri May 08, 2009 9:09 am

Hi Zootzey,

it sounds like you are suffering with alot of anxiety, and this is what anxiety makes people like, it can drive you up the wall with over analysing everything and constantly second guessing yourself. The thing with anxiety is, because you end up trying to look at something from all different angles you loose sight of things and it nearly always ends up with the person blaming themselves for everything, this then has a knock on effect on your self esteem. Which is something you have noticed in yourself.
I know how you feel about being constantly left out and forgotten, most of the time i feel invisible myself! But its no good feeling like this and not doing anything about it. Try and make yourself as involved as possible, get in those conversations, maybe try and arrange something to do with all your friends take the initiative to organise a night out. If you see something going on just ask someone whats happening.
The chances are that if you feel awkward talking to people they may be picking up on this and feel awkward talking back.
Theres a thread somewhere on this site about building your self esteem, give it a read.
Everyone has something good about themselves- remind yourself what is good about you and keep doing it.

Confidence really is the key to attracting friends and potential partners.

Zootzey wrote:Why do i constanlty have the need to be...needed? or loved?


this is because you dont love yourself, so you seek it from other people.

Zootzey wrote:I hide away behind this bubble personalty


Let your bubbley self shine! you really will be amazed at how many people this attracts..

Zootzey wrote:and feel i can't talk to people becuase....they all have there own problems?


yes this is true, but it doesnt mean that your problems are any less important, its not good to bottle things up. I really think you should talk to someone that you can trust, open yourself up- you are putting a barrier around yourself and perhaps people can feel this.

Lastly, if you feel like your anxiety is ruining your life its definately worth seeking councelling especially CBT.
Good luck :)
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Truth is a sweet nectar from an honest fruitful heart,
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from the seeds you have a harvest full of dreams.

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Re: Fighting my mind

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri May 08, 2009 9:41 am

Zootzey wrote: have constant mood swing (happy to sad and back) I haven't had a boyfirend in at least 5 years.


How old are you? Not having a boyfriend in 5 years doesn't matter really. It's just the wanting or needing of someone. Learn to love yourself first.


Zootzey wrote:how one wrong word with one person can be the end of your soical life....


It will only be the end of your social life if they weren't good friends in the first place. True friends won't let a wrong word/expression ruin a good friendship.
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Re: Fighting my mind

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri May 08, 2009 9:44 am

earthchild wrote:Theres a thread somewhere on this site about building your self esteem, give it a read.



http://problempages.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=15412 This one is about improving yoru self confidence

http://problempages.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=5682 This one is about depression and making you feel better.

:D
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Re: Fighting my mind

Postby Bel Bel » Fri May 08, 2009 11:37 am

I think you have some deep rooted issues perhaps that started with the incident at primary school

I think you could do with some conseeling to help you through this

Also think about the fact you can't be liked by everyone becasue we are all different and like different things
In the same way we may like a person but it doesn't mean we like everything about them or agreee with all their opinions but it doesn't stop you liking them. People prefer people who are themselves not fake and trying to be somethign they are not

I totally agree with the others that you have to start loving yourself and you can't expect others to provide that good feeling it's something you ahve to give yourself

As foe the texting if you don't initiate any tects maybe thats why people don'y alwasy include you, don't take it persoanlly you can never really know what someone elses motives are so don't try to second guess them
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Re: Fighting my mind

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri May 08, 2009 11:43 am

Bel Bel wrote:I think you have some deep rooted issues perhaps that started with the incident at primary school


Do you want to tell us about the incident?

Bel Bel wrote:Also think about the fact you can't be liked by everyone becasue we are all different and like different things
In the same way we may like a person but it doesn't mean we like everything about them or agreee with all their opinions but it doesn't stop you liking them. People prefer people who are themselves not fake and trying to be somethign they are not


This is very true, people who have been together 20-30-40 years still dislike something about their partner, it could be a small bad habbit, but they still love them.
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Re: Fighting my mind

Postby Zootzey » Fri May 08, 2009 9:42 pm

Thank-you all so mcuh for your comments, it has helped so much!

I'm just over 16.

Yeah the primary school incident wan't much, i wan't really liked and had to soicalize with people in the year below. People ignored me and was mean and twiested things i said and you know. I always remember the day i invited people to my birthday party and only 2 poeple showed up. Lol, i feel a bit sad a pathertic now.

My firend i was talking about ealier who didn't tell me anything, we're ment to be best friends and she's told everyone else what's up and even when i've asked she still deny's it and hasn't told me! i just don't understand what i've done wrong! i know about it, (long story) and it had nothing todo with me.

I think i do suffer from anxiety, i do everything you said about. If i wanted to get help and didn't want my parents to find out....how would i go about doing that?

I just want to be happy,a dn have fun and be like the girls from the moives who are happy and conferdaint and enjoy life.

thank-you sooo much for the help =)
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Re: Fighting my mind

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon May 11, 2009 9:56 am

Zootzey wrote:I think i do suffer from anxiety, i do everything you said about. If i wanted to get help and didn't want my parents to find out....how would i go about doing that?


Enquire at the doctors first.

Zootzey wrote:I just want to be happy,a dn have fun and be like the girls from the moives who are happy and conferdaint and enjoy life.


Movies are make believe, and just because someone is all happy and smiley on the outside does not mean that they are happy on the inside, people don't walk around looking depressed, they try to hide it and deal with their problems alone. So just because someone looks happy doesn't mean to say they are.
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Re: Fighting my mind

Postby Bel Bel » Mon May 11, 2009 12:33 pm

Yes the doctors can get you into conseeling and you don't have to tyell you parents but they maybe be able to help and support you and may even be willing to get you private conselling rather than you waiting for the doctors
Perhaps you could go to the doctors fist and then if he agrees to put you on the waiting list for conselling you could tell you mum and and then and they would take you seriously if a doctor had already agreed to put you on a waiting list
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