I feel I've changed.

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I feel I've changed.

Postby yodelsmith » Wed May 27, 2009 10:44 am

Hi everyone.

I joined this forum in the hopes of being able to talk to someone about my problems, before going to a doctor or anything like that... i just hope I'm not making too much of a big deal about all this.

where to start...

Over the past few months i feel i've changed. in terms of personality, mood, and just the way I think now, it's getting crazy and i'm going mad thinking about it. I don't know how it all started but i used to be so happy, so carefree, and just content, and somewhere around the last month or so I've started to feel incredibly down and i cry about everything. I dont see any reason why i should be upset, i have friends, family and a lovely girlfriend who ive been with for a while. We're in a long distance relationship but it's not as far as between countries or anything like that. last time we saw one another she told me what she wants to do in her life and this includes moving to another country to live permanently. she's already made her mind up on this and seems dead set on it, and shes doing it despite if im with her or not.

Of course, she has mentioned it in the past but only about possibly working there, but now its all come out and it was a lot to take in. especially because moving there would be in the course of a few years. now, i dont know why I got so upset about it all, because according to her and a few other people, its a long way off yet and i shouldn't worry about it. but it felt like my life was being charted out for me and out of my control, and i dont know, i just felt so torn. we've both said to the other that we don't see ourselves breaking up the relationship because we don't want to. I love this girl but this whole situation just feels like a lose/lose to me. if i go, i'll have to leave my family and everyone i care about here, but if i stay, i leave her behind too. its hard enough being a few hours from her at the moment, i couldnt imagine dealing with having to be that far apart.

regrettably, i spent all the time on our visit in a mood, because i was constantly thinking and trying to get my head around it all. and in doing so, i upset a lot of people, mainly because i was trying to avoid the subject and put on a smile. Thats something else that tends to happen with me, i avoid talking about the situation if i feel it's going to cause hurt to others, so i try and mask it but then it just makes things worse. I know this. Also, my self-esteem has somehow taken a plummet, but again I'm unsure why... I seem to feel unattractive next to others and i never used to feel this way... I'm insecure in front of cameras and looking some people in the eye, and constantly hide my upper body under layers. I am a bit of a perfectionist, which bugs others as well as myself -- if i feel like i've made a mistake doing something I have to stop and try again.

I've spoken to my girlfriend and other people about how I've been feeling, so i've not kept this quiet. I just need more opinions on it all without feeling like i'm bothering people. Because lately, ever since it happened i feel like i've been given the cold shoulder. People used to speak to me online so happy and always chatting, now I can barely get a sentence from them. and it always seems to be me that asks questions or tries to involve myself. And I know it's because of the way I was acting, but i just feel like i'm being punished and it doesn't help me at all. It's getting to the point now where i can't talk to people about my worries or downsides, or even to confess to them, because they always give an exaggerated response and roll their eyes at me. The last thing i want to do is annoy people or upset them, so i just stay quiet and battle it.

I just want to get back to my normal thinking state, because this surely isn't it. I'm scared i'm steeping into depression over nothing but I can't help it. especially when i talk to my girlfriend and all she talks to me about is going away even though she knows its playing on my mind. i feel like everyone's testing me to see how far i'll go and what i'll do.

Please, any advice is grateful right now. i cant afford counselling and i can't take any more stress headaches. Sorry about the length of this post as well, thank you.
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Re: I feel I've changed.

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed May 27, 2009 11:16 am

yodelsmith wrote:especially when i talk to my girlfriend and all she talks to me about is going away even though she knows its playing on my mind.


If its not an instant thing then don't worry about it, you have time to prepare yourself to move there or to stay put. You could always try it for a few months once she's gone to see how it goes?

Talk to your girlfriend about your worries and talk through options. You never know she might not go in the end. You really need to speak to her about it and find out all the options and ease some of your worries.
A hug is a great gift, one size fits all.
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Re: I feel I've changed.

Postby Peanut1977 » Thu May 28, 2009 5:35 pm

Read what you have written: the answers you are looking for are staring you in the face. You are not depressed over nothing at all, I can totally see why you're feeling so down. Your entire post is about your girlfriend - situations like this are horrible because everyone keeps telling you "chill, don't worry what's the big deal?" and your girlfriend (quite selfishly IMO) has flippantly said she's moving abroad...HELLO??? What about you?? You have every right to demand to know what her plans are for the two of you, because if she plans to move away does she want you to go with her, does she envisage you continuing your long-distance thing?? Just because everyone else is being so blase about it does not mean you have to accept it. Your emotions are probably all over the place right now and because everyone is dismissing them, you are now blaming yourself, thinking there's something wrong with you. Let me tell you, from what I can gather from what you've said, there is nothing wrong with you and everything wrong with the situation you have been forced to 'accept'. Please please don't allow this to go on; I think you need to have it out with your girlfriend ASAP, tell her to stop taking the p*** and give it to you straight. You deserve to know what her plans are. You're probably feeling insecure, unloved, confused, belittled, powerless and tied down. These feelings are exactly why you are feeling so down. Confront your girlfriend, ignore those that tell you not to worry about it and follow your heart. You deserve to know the truth, for your own sanity.
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Re: I feel I've changed.

Postby Peanut1977 » Thu May 28, 2009 5:37 pm

PS: councelling is free on the NHS (you need to go to your doctor) and if you are under 19 contact your local Connexions centre who will be able to put you in touch with a free councellor...I doubt you will need it though if you confront your girlfriend. Good Luck :)
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Re: I feel I've changed.

Postby yodelsmith » Sun May 31, 2009 7:47 pm

Peanut1977, thank you so much you have no idea how relieved i am right now to read what you have to say... it almost brought me to tears to finally have someone who understands my point of view, without simply discarding it and telling me it doesn't matter. i thought i was losing my mind at one point -- I do tend to over worry sometimes but i always know afterwards if i have... whereas this feeling hasn't left me for weeks.

I have spoken to my girlfriend since but she still feels intent on leaving and is still being rather cold to me. even though i have apologised for whatever i may have done and sent her my thoughts though messages and whatnot, she still doesn't speak to me properly, yet has so much fun with her other friends and speaks to them the same way. i've also been told by one of these friends that i'm not wanted right now to go and visit her, because i'll only bring unneccessary tension. i'm beginning to think she's trying to deal with the problem by shutting me out, because i'm a reminder of her guilt or something? i normally like to deal with problems though, which is why i keep trying to talk through things with her.
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Re: I feel I've changed.

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jun 01, 2009 3:40 pm

I think you right that your girlfriend feels guilty nad is fidning it easier just to shut you out
I am afraid you just need to let her go
Concentrate on sorting yourself out and getting better
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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