What to do..

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What to do..

Postby littlebee » Thu Jun 11, 2009 6:21 pm

Right, so, I don't know how to start this, ermmm.

Right. I'm 17.
This year has been a hard one for me, and I think that in order for you to understand why I have to tell you so..
I got engaged on 17th February, and after that my fiance cheated on me twice which caused a lot of problems and in about late March he started getting violent; I mean he'd always been violent that's just who he was but worse. In March I had a pregnancy scare and when I told him I thought I was he wanted to keep it, but then I found out I wasn't, and then in April I had another one and done a test which came back positive and I told him and he wanted to keep it and I was unsure but said I would for him so it was ok; but then I got my period and I can never be sure whether I miscarried or the test was just false and when I told him he overdosed on pills and tried to kill himself. He was taken to hospital and his parents basically pushed me out of his life; they didn't even tell me he was in hospital because of an overdose someone told me over msn. When he got out of hospital we didn't see eachother at all, we only spoke over the internet and it was kind of an "are we together or not" situation, eventually he left me for the girl he cheated on me with, and you know, aslong as he's happy.
Now, when I first got with him my mam told me he was one of those people who controlled their partner and made them do things and make them think they wanted things they didn't; which quite frankly I thought was a load of balls. When I'd been with him for a month my mam said "you've changed so much, you're not even my daughter anymore, where has she gone?" and I'll always remember it because it ripped me apart inside. I know I changed for him, I changed my life plans, I quit college (although i had many problems with that in the first place) and got a job which i hated, i changed my personality, my interests, everything; people noticed, and i know they did, but that's not the point.
The point is, now that he's gone I don't know who I am anymore, I've completely lost myself. All the things I used to enjoy and want to do, I changed them for him and I just don't know anymore. And to add to that, in the same week he left me I got "dismissed" from my job because I was allergic to the materials I had to work with.
When I was at college I had councelling, but when I left obviously I didn't get it anymore, so I confided in a friend who just let me sit there and have a little cry and talk about whatever was on my mind, which was nice. I talked to him when I was with my ex, about the violence, being scared, the baby stuff, the cheating, the overdose, but then when he left me and I lost my job, I stopped talking to him, I shut everybody out, I shut down. He knew that my mental stability was lowering while I was with my ex, and I think he knew that when he left me he should worry especially since I didn't have a job or college to take my mind of it and give me something I had to do, and he tried and tried until I eventually spoke to him. It was basically me crying and crying and crying until he'd tell me to go get a good night sleep, which I didn't I'd just cry all night. At first, he thought it was just the break-up, that eventually time would pass and I'd get over it, but it didn't.
Now I spend about 90% of my time in my bed, I can't eat because I have no appetite, I can't sleep because I just lie there and think and then cry, I haven't left the house for about 6 weeks. I'm not even upset about my ex anymore, I don't even think about him, aslong as he's happy then I'm happy for him, I'm just upset with my life in general. I lie awake at night thinking about every single mistake or decision I've made in my life that's brought me to this point, all the stress I've brought on my parents, all the times I've made my mother cry. And I know this sounds so pathetic and childish, but everytime I'm falling asleep I hope I don't wake up in the morning.
My friend, the one I talk to about things, well used to, I don't talk to anybody anymore, he told me to go to the doctors because he thinks I'm depressed and even if I was why would I go to the doctor? It seems stupid going into a doctors office, sitting down with fully washed hair, enough make up so you can leave the house, not crying, looking perfectly fine apart from the bags under your eyes and the pale skin and looking sick of your life and saying "I think I'm depressed". People must understand why that seems silly to me. If you don't look depressed, how can your doctor believe you are? So I haven't been to the doctor since my friend told me to but obviously it's getting worse, but I just don't know what to do.
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Re: What to do..

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri Jun 12, 2009 9:28 am

You 'should' go to the doctor because they can advise you the best way to make you feel better.

One of my friends kept claiming he wasn't depressed for months, he tried to commit suicide and then the doctors took over. He used to go to the doctors regularly and just cry and tell the doctor about his life and everything that was upsetting him. The doctors will probably refer you to a councillor to talk to you and listen and help you try to come to terms with how you are feeling. My friend is now much better as a consequence!

Is there no chance of enrolling at college again come September and giving you something to look forward to and work on?
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Re: What to do..

Postby snail » Fri Jun 12, 2009 9:39 am

Just go and tell the doctor that you spend 90% of your time in bed, you can't eat or sleep or stop crying, haven't really left the house in six weeks, and wish you didn't wake up each morning. That's all you need to say. What you do or don't look like doesn't come into it.

You have the classic symptoms of depression, and you need treatment. I wouldn't mix up the issue by mentioning your ex: it's clear from your story that you had problems before him, or you wouldn't have got engaged so young, kept risking pregnancy, or associated with a person like him in the first place. Act now and start making things better.
How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.

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Re: What to do..

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jun 12, 2009 11:47 am

I agree with snail and dipsy
and you don't even have to wash your hair and put your make up on if you don't want to
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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Re: What to do..

Postby peecee » Fri Jun 12, 2009 8:57 pm

Just adding a piece to the jigsaw!

My brother's been in a state for a while now; he phoned my sister a couple of days ago, and told her he thought he'd be in the canal by tea time; she persuaded him to see his doctor as an emergency.

He then phoned me, and told me he didn't know what to tell the doctor, because he didn't know what was going on. I told him he's not medically trained, he doesn't need to "know what's going on", he should tell the doctor how he feels.

My brother said "that's a bit girly, isn't it?", but he took our advice and went. Now he's been referred for some heavy-duty counselling, with scheduled one-to-one and group sessions to give some structure to his day. He tells me he's extremely relieved that somebody is helping him, somebody is taking an interest - my sister and I have been a massive help to him, but he needs somebody completely detached, who is trained in that specific field.

Sweet pea, if you don't think you can put a convincing case to your GP, show them what you've written here. Write down how you FEEL. All the PPers are telling you this, because we've all been there. I think my brother was an extreme case (from my own experience... :oops: ), and your GP is quite likely to simply start you off on Happy Pills.

But I'm not medically trained either, so I don't know. Just go and see your GP - how will you know if you don't try?

Lots of love

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Re: What to do..

Postby morris mouse » Sat Jun 13, 2009 1:27 pm

"littlebee" you've already started your road to recovery by telling us here at Problem Pages. :) I believe that going to the
doctor is giving you some anxiety because you're afraid about what might happen.

The doctor may well give you"happy pills" and an appointment to see a counsellor. (Look on this as your next
step to recovery. :))
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Re: What to do..

Postby ennis81 » Tue Jun 16, 2009 10:38 am

Hello love,

Sorry to hear your feeling so rubbish, what all the others have said is true, you MUST go to the doctor, he/she can help you, I found myself very depressed last year and thought I'd never feel better, but I got help with my doctor and a wonderful counsellor who helped me so much, I will always remember her words of wisdom.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to, but you can't continue on like this hun, I think counselling is great when your finding it hard to talk because they don't know you and you can say what you really feel without worrying about being judged.

The people here are great and their advice is spot on, so keep coming here, the support is wonderful, and everybody cares and trys to help xXx
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