Losing the Plot.

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Losing the Plot.

Postby JennaXXX » Wed Jun 24, 2009 7:49 pm

I don't even know where to begin. I just feel so awful inside and like I just want to run away from everything.
I am 24 in a few weeks but still look 16/17. I am sick of people thinking I am so young and treating me like I am a teenager. To be honest though, I feel like I am still 16 but trapped in a 24 year olds body. :-?
It scares me how quickly time is going by. The only thing I have achieved is academic success, other then that I haven't done too well for myself. Although I am manager of a childcare setting, the pay and conditions are far from ideal and I know I am not valued there.
I am still living at home, single and don't have that many friends. The friends I do have, I end up being jealous of. I have one friend who is getting married in a month and I am not looking forward to it I am ashamed to say, Only because it highlights all the things that she has that I don't. It reminds me of how quickly life is going and that I am going to be left on the shelf. She is stunning, looks her age, great job, getting married, has her own place. I feel like I have so little in comparison and I feel ashamed. I will feel ashamed when I am at her wedding, walking behind her, in her shadow, like I always seem to be. I probably sound awful now but I am only human and would never say all this to her face.
I hate my personality, I am way too quiet and shy and at times I am sure it gets mistaken for rudeness. I also feel like I am rubbish at my job, despite what everyone says. I really do think that the children would be better off without me.

I feel lifeless and like there is no point in me being here anymore.
Whatever life throws at you, smile, hold your head up high and be the best you can possibly be.
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Re: Losing the Plot.

Postby kerrie24 » Wed Jun 24, 2009 8:13 pm

Well firstly I would like to point out your not that far over the hill to feel you havent got time to achieve anything ,your a year younger than me! You have a good job by the sounds of it,and put it this way that in itself is something to be proud of at the moment with so many out of work.
Make the most of living at home and having your wages to spend on yourself,believe me life isnt all rosy if you have your own place.Try to overcome your shyness maybe by meeting people after work for drinks,set up days out ,go on holiday with the girls maybe?Remember things people say about themselves,and bring it up in conversation later,it will give you something to say and you wont appear ignorant.Im sure people know your shy rather than just being rude.
You have plenty of time to work towards getting your own place.A LOT of my old friends from school dont have there own place yet,and they meet up for days out,hire villas in spain etc and make the most of their free time when they are still young!Your very lucky if you still look young,and people have no right to treat you like a child so dont allow them to talk down at you.I get asked for ID sometimes and it doesnt bother me,rather look younger than older! :D
You have so much to be happy for,your family,friends,the kids at work (im sure they would miss you if you werent there)Go to your friends wedding,look your best and have a great time,meet people(maybe the groom has some hot friends!)and support your friend,your time will come.I hope you feel better soon:)
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Re: Losing the Plot.

Postby captainf » Wed Jun 24, 2009 8:53 pm

Aw JennaXXX I feel so sorry for you.
I think that you lack alot of confidence and need to improve yourself esteem. You have a very good job and you should be proud of that. You're a manager and you're responsible for meeting the needs of them children. Im sure you do a fantastic job. You wouldnt be in the job if your employer didnt think you was good enough for it.

I understand this thing with your work colleagues has been going on for quite some time and I understand that situations like that are very draining. I also understand from a previous post of yours that you have a lady that you work with who is extremely supportive? Have you talked this particular problem through with her and see if you and her can come to some conclusion in dealing with the problematic colleagues?

I can understand where you come from with the other factors - I turned 25 just over a week ago, I still live at home etc but to be honest both you and I are not in any position to move out. You say your wage is relatively poor so due to that its not possible to leave home. People who generally leave home do so because they can afford to.. some however struggle and just manage to get by but make life very difficult for themselves. So I think for you, being 24 and still at home is no problem. You're not in a financial state to commit to moving out and thats no problem, you're young. Plenty of time. However you're already a manager and you're nearly 24! That to me is another success.

Its a good thing that your friend has found the person she wants to spend the rest of her life with and I know deep down you are happy for her, you just wish that you could have the same really and thats okay. One day you will meet someone whos very nice and lovely and you will also have that happiness that your friend has. Dont feel so bad though right now, things could be worse - imagine having a boyfriend who has tied you down and generally makes you feel rubbish. That wouldnt be very nice at all. So my advice to you is that its not important to have a boyfriend, but what is important is that when you do, he is the right one.

Dont worry about looking young. Im sure you look beautiful and im sure that you turn guys heads without knowing it. All I can really say is just be yourself and if people cant respect you for being you then they are in no way worth knowing. Besides I bet they're all older people that wish they could look younger too ;)
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?
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Re: Losing the Plot.

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Jun 25, 2009 9:46 am

Well let me tell you about me; I'm 24...I still live at home and I haven't acieved anything either except academic success. I do have a bf but I also don't have "that" many friends.

The friends I do have are married or have kids, except for a couple of people. A lot of my friends live hours and hours drive away so we don't see each other much, I do have friends abroad so I don't see them. The friends I have which all live miles away - we try to have a weekend each year to meet up.

I have been trying to buy my own house, the mortgage woman even said "you are exactly the type of person we need"...the problem is; the interest rate is so high that it's too expensive to buy a house. I've been looking at a mortgage of £100k maximum reallyy (it's quite low for where I live) and it's minimum £650 repayment a month, £100 mortgage, £500 interest. It's just TOO expensive.

I also think that I only left education a year and a half ago; where my friends who left school at 16 have 9 years of their life, where I have a year and a half. My bf's sister had a baby at 19....it's different for her and me, she left school at 16 and doesn't have great prospects, where I left uni at 23, with good job prospects.

I just don't feel ready to settle down to be honest; I've been enjoying the plain business of working; where I don't constantly have "I need to do this homework" on my mind. When I walk out the door, I leave work behind. I'd like my own place, but as I said it's too expensive, so I'm making the most of the situation and living at home and saving most of my wages; saving up for a bigger deposit - it's not all loss. I haven't worked 9 years like my friends to have enough money for a place of my own. I have worked but it's gone towards uni.

Also just because your friends look happy it doesn't mean that everything is rosey behind closed doors.

Having your own house/space you will just be lonely and have even less money to do things, you may as well stay at home, save some money and enjoy spending the extra y ou have whist you can.
A hug is a great gift, one size fits all.
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Re: Losing the Plot.

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jun 26, 2009 12:59 pm

from other post i think now is the time to get some professional help to get your self esteem sorted
I think cognitive therapy would be ideal for you

i know this won't make you feel better but you have already achieved and many people are at home til there 30's now because it just isn't viable to move out without a partner

your friend may appear to have everything but it so easily change for people and you don't really know what their own fears are as just like you they might hide them from the world

comapring yourself to others is wasted energy. whilst there are some who are better off what about all those who are worse. you are so down that you can't see what you have that is good

if you really want to make things different you have to take action it will not happen without you makign the effort to do something, cognitive therapy will be a great start to help yourself

if you keep doing the same things you will get the same results
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Re: Losing the Plot.

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri Jun 26, 2009 1:50 pm

I was actually thinking about your post again last night and most of my friends who have moved out never have any money for anything. Living at home you can save and spend money on yourself (i.e. holidays) which you wouldn't be able to do if you had somewhere yourself to live.
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