over worrying about unimportant rubbish

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over worrying about unimportant rubbish

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Jul 10, 2009 3:33 pm

I have a lot to deal with right now and it is probably why I am doing it but wondered if anyone had any tips to stop it before i consider getting some professional help

My step mum and father in law both have cancer. My step mum has max 2 years and the father in law has less than 6 months
Also my assitant at work is having radio therapy for cancer and my hubby is starting to be quite emotional about his dad obviously. As you can see work or home I just can't get away from either the illness or those who are affected.

I am a very strong person emotionally but I think I am having anxious attacks because I don't deal with the emotion by getting it out. I suffer from bruxism at night (teeth clenching) and have to wear a gum shield to protect my teeth. Apparently it is my way of dealing with stress. I never get really angry and find it hard to laugh even though I find things funny. If i do laugh it is usually toilet humour thats sets me off and i can cry until my stomach muscles really hurt but it isn't that often.

My problem is I start to worry about something that really isn't that important and then i can't get it out of my head. It will keep recurring over several days and soemtimes keep me awake. I tell myself to stop and I am being irrational but it won't go away. I have this weird feeling in my stomach like it's scared (i know that won't make any sense but it's the onlt way I can describe it)

My daughter saw a cognitive therapist and she gave her a technique of worrying only at a certain time of day and it helped her but i can't shake the feeling once it starts. Sometimes it will last a few mintues and other times can on for a few hours. This can be on and off over a few days

I have had this before but it seems more intense and i know it's probably just stress but i wnat to find a constructive way to deal with it, any suggestions

I can't do kick boxing or anything too physical because i have rheumatoid arthiritus. That is playing up at the monent too so until the flare dies any excercise that could get me offloading the pent up feelings is really a no no

Help me guys
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Re: over worrying about unimportant rubbish

Postby captainf » Fri Jul 10, 2009 8:28 pm

Sorry to hear you're having a rough time lately. It sounds like its really hard to escape the illnesses.
I can only suggest counselling. You say your daughter saw a therapist. Maybe you can see one too and discuss ways to manage your stress and anxiety?
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Re: over worrying about unimportant rubbish

Postby kerrie24 » Sat Jul 11, 2009 8:48 am

Sometimes people find it easier to write their worries down ,it seems to get them off your mind.I dont know if that would work for you but you could try,for instance if you know it is something irrational you could write 'I am really worried about...... but I realise this is silly/irrational/pointless because..............'
Then put it on the bedside table and tell yourself you will have another look in the morning,that way it might be less likely to disrupt your sleep as you know it wont be forgotten about you are just putting it to one side for a while.like I say that might not work its just something I have tried before
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Re: over worrying about unimportant rubbish

Postby snail » Sat Jul 11, 2009 10:10 pm

It's funny you made this post, Bel Bel, because I've been wondering how you were coping with all this - there's been no hint of trouble in your posts.

Bel Bel wrote:My problem is I start to worry about something that really isn't that important and then i can't get it out of my head. It will keep recurring over several days and soemtimes keep me awake. I tell myself to stop and I am being irrational but it won't go away. I have this weird feeling in my stomach like it's scared (i know that won't make any sense but it's the onlt way I can describe it)


Well , this is obviously classic anxiety symptoms. You are worrying about 'unimportant' things either because you are so generally anxious at the moment that your resistance is low and trivial problems bother you, or because you are not fully facing up to the real worries you have. I think from what you've said it's probably the second reason - you are very stressed but can't do anything practical about these problems, so you don't think about them directly. But the severe anxiety is still there and has to express itself somehow, so as a result it expresses itself in worries about irrational things and physical symptoms. You can't get these irrational worries out of your head because they are in fact NOT irrational - they're the shape your real worries are taking (if that makes sense!).

I don't know if there's much anyone can say that will help, but first of all I'd say, you are having a very tough time and it's perfectly normal and legitimate for you to react in any way you want. For a start, look at the title of your thread. You are NOT "over" worrying, and this is NOT "unimportant rubbish"! Your mind is dealing with a tough situation the best way it can. So, go easy on yourself! If you need to worry, worry. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to lie awake obsessing about the colour of your new T-shirt, then let it happen. Don't fight it, and don't expect too much of yourself.

In practical terms, make an effort to take care of yourself. Put more emphasis on going to bed early, eating well, taking walks, having the odd day off work, etc. Could you start getting professional massages? They are supposed to be very good for relaxation. And what about yoga or stretching exercises? They should be OK with your arthritis. I always found Callanetics very good for relaxation - the deep stretching and huge amount of concentration it took to do the movements always relaxed me.

Remember these aren't your problems, in the sense that you didn't cause them, you can't solve them, and there isn't that much you can do to help. Just do your best to take care of yourself, and, where possible, support Mr Bel Bel and Bel Bel junior. And let yourself feel, think, or worry about anything you want.
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Re: over worrying about unimportant rubbish

Postby Bel Bel » Sat Jul 11, 2009 11:38 pm

Thanks for your replies
Kerrie, i like you idea of writing it down. Just writing on here felt good to get it off my chest
Snail, I do actually get regular massage (have to have it since my bruxism was diagnosed as it helps to keep tension down in my neck and it and the gum shield combination have stopped my serious migraines.) The massage does help and she says i store tension and my mucsles are usually quite tense. I always feel better after. I think maybe i need to have it a bit more regualrly for a bit.
I will go and get some conselling if it doesn't improve
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Re: over worrying about unimportant rubbish

Postby captainf » Sat Jul 11, 2009 11:51 pm

I hope you feel better soon.
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Re: over worrying about unimportant rubbish

Postby RagDoll » Mon Jul 13, 2009 1:46 pm

I don't really have any advice to offer over and above what everyone else has said (I think Snail's post is particularly useful/true) but I just wanted to say sorry that you're having such a rough time at the moment and I hope you find a way to cope/feel a bit better.
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Re: over worrying about unimportant rubbish

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jul 13, 2009 4:15 pm

Actually i did what kerrie suggested and it made a real difference, thanks kerrie
also hubby says he knows i am not myself and wants me to share with him as it takes his mind off his dad. We talked about it and that made me feel better too. I am always the strong one so I think he actually liked the fact he could be there for me for once. And as he is feeling inadequate about his dads situation i think it was actually good for him
So having a good day today and yesterdy and will just take each day as it comes. Things will probably get worse before they get better in the long term as there is the inevitable to come but I can't worry about that until it happens

It's just nice to know you can get on here and have a rant and people care. PP'rs rule :D
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Re: over worrying about unimportant rubbish

Postby kerrie24 » Tue Jul 14, 2009 1:57 pm

Im glad it worked for you Bel Bel,as I said its been tried and tested lol.Its good when you have someone to talk to,even if it is via PP.I think this site is a fab idea =D>
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