problems with my dad

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problems with my dad

Postby hawkhead95 » Tue Jul 21, 2009 1:30 pm

in feb this year, we found out dad has lung cancer. the way i felt then was unbelievable( being 16 and in the middle of my GCSE's i found it difficult). then last month dad took a turn for the worst when he was taken into hospital with stomach pains and chest ache and we found out he had fluid on the lung, seeing him collapse like that killed me. Then he started to become dizzy and had constant headaches so last week his doctor referred him for a CT scan on his brain. we have just found out he now has alot of tumours there but because of the number of them, they cant operate now he's on chemo.
I just dont know what to do anymore. Just the thought of losing my dad a few months ago was hard to believe but now with this it seems like he doesnt have long left. im not sure whether to start college this year and stay home with my parents. i dont feel confident enough to focus on the work and all ive done lately is have moments where i just cant stop crying and its really getting to me. i just wish we could have a break from this all because our family is known for having bad luck and thats all we've had this year. :cry:
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Re: problems with my dad

Postby spacegirl » Tue Jul 21, 2009 1:56 pm

I don't think staying at home would be a good idea. you're having a really tough time hun but you need to keep yourself busy rather than sitting at home and worrying about your dad. i'm also sure that your dad wouldn't want you to do this either. At least at college you would have support from your tutors and the college councellors and it would provide you with a bit of an escape from what's going on at home.

Have you anyone you can talk to about all this, a big cousin or aunt who could listen to you when things get really tough?
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Re: problems with my dad

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jul 21, 2009 3:30 pm

I agree with spacegirl.

Also there isn't much else I can add except :grouphug: and feel free to come on here and get stuff off your chest when you feel the need to :).
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Re: problems with my dad

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Jul 21, 2009 3:37 pm

You could take year out before going to college so you are there to support you dad and your mum too and alos so your are around the family if anything happens
Is your dad likely to recover from this with the chemo, have they told you?
If he really hasn't got long left and you go off to college you might regret not staying with your dad until the end
It has to be your decision but taking a year out isn't the end of the world
You could ask your dad what he thinks?
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Re: problems with my dad

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Jul 21, 2009 3:48 pm

I do agree with Bel Bel, however if your dad hangs on for another 12 months, next year do you say shall I defer my entry again. Also if you don't go to college now you may never go.

In your heart of hearts would you rather go to college so at least you have some time to escape and be a normal teenager, or would you rather put it off for a year with the deal that you go in a years time and spend more time with your dad?
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Re: problems with my dad

Postby Richard » Wed Aug 26, 2009 7:58 pm

That's really tough. Just when you're about to enter a new chapter in life, this happens. Life can be so unfair sometimes. I think it's important to recognise that what you're feeling is perfectly normal. Life has given you an overwhelming shock, and you're distressed, angry, hurt, confused, anxious... A normal human reaction. In some societies, friends & family gather in the street to weep and wail together - and get support ffrom the community. Unfortunately, we live in a society where we don't express these things openly. So you need somewhere you can express all these things. If we do things properly, nature is a great healer. You'll find your answers if you allow yourself to express yourself - rather than trying to 'think' of a solution. Friends may help - but people can often find someone else's pain too much. So I'd advise going to a therapist who is happy for you to shout and scream and works things through naturally. Good luck.
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Re: problems with my dad

Postby peecee » Sat Aug 29, 2009 8:27 pm

Darling, this is a very hard one for me to answer, because my father died after a long illness, just before Christmas; so my automatic response is "spend as much time as possible with him"! Which is what you want to do, anyway. But the problem is, how can you do it?

Let me ask you; how far away is your college? And, a much harder question - what do the doctors say about your dad's outlook? I know they're always wrong in their timing, and your dad sounds like a real fighter - but it might give you some idea of what your next step should be. You say "it seems like he doesn't have long left". Is that just your fear, or has someone told you that?

I do agree with the others, that college is a chance for you to lead a normal teenage life, and keep your sanity while things go on - not forgetting, you'd get away from your sister for a while!! If your college were close to your home, I'd recommend that you go for it.

But if you had to live some distance from home, you'd be worried about your dad. If your dad gets worse, he'll miss you more and more - so would your mum. I know you've very young for this sort of burden, but I have to say, this is time with your father which will never come again. You'd be devastated if anything happened and you weren't there.

Having said that, if you went, your mum would tell you what's going on every day, so if he got worse, you could come home at any time. AND you'll get long holidays where you could spend at least part of them at home.

As Bel Bel says, why don't you ask your dad (and your mum) what they think? Come back and tell us - we're good at rants! :)

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