Unappreciative and depressed for no reason?

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Unappreciative and depressed for no reason?

Postby stressball » Fri Aug 28, 2009 8:21 pm

Hi All,

Wasn't sure how I'd put this really...just wondered if anyone had a similar problem to me, where you just don't appreciate just how good things are until it's too late - at the moment I'm young, have a lovely boyfriend, an OK job, my own house, and in general good health, yet I feel so unappreciative and depressed for no reason. I just feel so unappreciative and just want to stop it, I get depressed over silly things like the fact I have no true friends, and the friends I hang out with occasionally are skinnier and better looking than me, and no-one seems to glance in my direction, this in particular gets me down, I know I should lose 2.5 stone but I just cant find the motivation to do it, even though I have a boyfriend who loves me for who I am, i just want people to say I look nice, sounds stupid I know.

Sorry to rant...just wondered if anyone else had something similar??

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Re: Unappreciative and depressed for no reason?

Postby Millenia » Sat Aug 29, 2009 8:49 am

Hey,

I think most men and women have been there, that they want to be attractive to people. I think most men would have the courtesy to not go big eye'd at you if your walking down with a partner.

How do you know people aren't looking at you? No one can read minds. I would say it's a bit odd to want to feel attractive to other men then just your partner, hes the most important right?
I think you are starting or already have underlying issues about your self image and esteem. For one your partner is with you because of you, he picked you out of all the other women in the world.
Sorry but im not sure what you mean by 'true' friends. Is it because there skinnier than you, that you see them are not real friends?

If you want to loose weight, fair enough and i don't want to sound harsh but at the end of the day only YOU can start to loose it. There a topic in the physical section about loosing weight, that i have written about you should read it and if you need help or advice feel free to send me a message.

Can i ask your current weight at the moment?

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Re: Unappreciative and depressed for no reason?

Postby snail » Sat Aug 29, 2009 10:37 am

stressball wrote:just wondered if anyone else had something similar??


Yes, I have. I'm having counselling at the moment. When I turned up to my first session I said to the therapist that I couldn't understand why I was so miserable and anxious all the time, because there was nothing wrong with my life, and that I was pretty lucky compared to most. Now, 18 months and about 75 sessions later, I've realised that the problem wasn't the circumstances of my life, it was my attitude to myself. I wasn't in touch with who I really was, nothing I did was ever good enough in my own eyes, and I wasn't taking care of and loving myself at a deep level.

In my case this was the result of my upbringing: my family were insecure, unreliable, harsh, and I could never really please them or have them love me no matter what I did. I then replicated that attitude to myself as an adult.

I don't know what's behind your feelings, but you should respect your own unhappiness - it's telling you something. Keep sifting through your feelings, processing them, and trying to get in touch with them, until you get closer to what it is that it's telling you.
How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.

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Re: Unappreciative and depressed for no reason?

Postby stressball » Sat Aug 29, 2009 1:57 pm

Hi Millenia and Snail, thank you both very much for your replies.

Millenia, I mostly go out with my friends without my partner as he's not really the going out type and prefers hanging out with his friends (which is totally fine with both of us) so when I say people dont look at me that way, im not with my partner anyway But you're right, he is the most important person, although like most men he doesnt express his emotions or feelings if ever, i've never received a compliment about my body or looks from him, and I think after 5.5 years it's starting to grate on me. In regards to friends, a lot of people have used me as a stepping stone and been quite horrible to me, I've learnt to not gravitate towards these people and as a result have hardly any real friends, the ones I hang out with from work are prettier and skinnier than me, and so get hit on, thats basically what I meant really. In regards to my weight I am 11 stone 9, and only 5"5, which I think is over 2 stone too much and I hate it, thing is I cant seem to motivate myself these days to lose it, and I know I can only do this myself, it's just finding the strength emotionally as well as physically I guess.

Snail, I have thought on several occasions on going to see someone for counselling, although I wouldnt be able to afford the costs, otherwise I'd be up for that. I've read so many self-help books they all seem to mould into the other, its like I know the information and what I need to do to feel better, but I don't use this and just go back to feeling how I did before. My upbringing and family life were really happy and I have loads of good memories, I just have no idea why I have these feelings, but like you suggest, there must be a cause, I just need to look a bit deeper I guess.

Thanks both of you for your replies :)

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Re: Unappreciative and depressed for no reason?

Postby Millenia » Sun Aug 30, 2009 5:23 pm

Sometimes, subconsciously we put up a barrier when we have a partner or when we are out. Maybe you do this when you are out?

I often wondered about the same thing, but because i was with someone i didn't put myself out there like a single person might do, through body language etc.
Take small steps to loosing weight, and about you partner giving you compliments he should be letting you know now and again how awesome you are again people can't read minds and it's nice to be reassured.

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Re: Unappreciative and depressed for no reason?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Sep 01, 2009 9:15 am

snail wrote:and I could never really please them or have them love me no matter what I did


Are you talking about my dad there? haha.

I think Snail is right; it's your attitude to life; I'm now at the stage where I'm so used to being criticised by my dad that I think "I'm not good enough for anyone or anything".

stressball wrote:i've never received a compliment about my body or looks from him


If you buy a new outfit or something; try it on and ask him if he likes it and does it suit you. Have you spoken to your boyfriend about this; maybe he hasn't complimented about it because talking about a womans body may be disrespectful to him; if you say to him you'd like a compliment every now and again he'd start telling you :) it may be simply that he's not realised you'd like that sort of thing.

Millenia wrote:Sometimes, subconsciously we put up a barrier when we have a partner or when we are out. Maybe you do this when you are out?


I agree with this. I mean if you are dancing or something; maybe you don't wiggle in a seductive way like your friends do, because you don't need to as you know you have your boyfriend. Also do you really want pervy guys not taking no for an answer? You don't want guys attracted to you because of the way you look; that is just shallow.
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Re: Unappreciative and depressed for no reason?

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Sep 01, 2009 11:55 am

What you could try is thinking to yourself how will you feel in 5, 10 years if you look back and have wasted all your life being like this.
Life is for living and being miserable is wasting you precious time.
I am 11st 6 and am 5'4". Most of my friends/family are skinnier but I have learnt to accept how I am and am happy with my curves. So many thin girls are desperate for curves. Maybe they don't tell you but I bet your skinny friends have hang ups too. Often people can put on a front but it doens't mean they don't have self esteem problems or wish they could change things about themselves.

Also not all men like skinny girls. It would be a crazy world if everyone liked the same.
As millenia says if you want to lose weight you have to do something about it, moaning and thinking about it will not achieve anything but another 5, 10 years of you feeling like this with nothign changing. Comparing yourselves to others won't help at all, set yourself a target of realistically what you would like to achieve.
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Re: Unappreciative and depressed for no reason?

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Sep 01, 2009 11:56 am

aLSO ONE DAY YOU WILL BE OLD AND WRINKLY AND YOU WILL WISH YOU HAD MADE THE MOST OF THE BODY YOU HAVE NOW - sorry on caps :oops:
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Re: Unappreciative and depressed for no reason?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Sep 01, 2009 12:21 pm

Bel Bel wrote: bet your skinny friends have hang ups too. Often people can put on a front but it doens't mean they don't have self esteem problems or wish they could change things about themselves.


This is true. I want to loose weight at the minute; BUT I was a "skinnier" girl. I had no boobs....that always was on my mind. When I was skinnier I wasn't happier; I've put on weight and I like my curves now. Although I do want to loose a stone to a stone and a half. I do not aim to be as skinny as I was. I'll meet it in the middle.
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Re: Unappreciative and depressed for no reason?

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Sep 01, 2009 12:27 pm

thats actually how I was dipsy. Skiiny top half with no boobs but still had fat thighs. I was 9st 5llbs and my face looked emaciated. Now I look and feel healthy and although my BMI is not in the normal rane the doctor says you can tell just looking I am fine ( ithink my boobs and bum must weight a tonne :lol: )
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Re: Unappreciative and depressed for no reason?

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Sep 01, 2009 2:08 pm

Bel Bel wrote:ithink my boobs and bum must weight a tonne


That is my problem with BMI, you have two women of the same height and build, one has A cups one had G cups...the woman with bigger boobs will of course weigh more, it doesn't mean she's fat or unhealthy, just more of her weight comes from her boobs which she can't really change. Yet her BMI may be out of the healthy range when in fact she actually shouldn't be.
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Re: Unappreciative and depressed for no reason?

Postby sazzled » Tue Sep 01, 2009 2:15 pm

dipsydoodlenoodle wrote:
Bel Bel wrote:ithink my boobs and bum must weight a tonne


That is my problem with BMI, you have two women of the same height and build, one has A cups one had G cups...the woman with bigger boobs will of course weigh more, it doesn't mean she's fat or unhealthy, just more of her weight comes from her boobs which she can't really change. Yet her BMI may be out of the healthy range when in fact she actually shouldn't be.


I have that problem! I don't trust BMI coz it doesn't count for your build. I'm medium built and have big boobs but am only 5 foot 1"! So I'm being told that I'm obese, ok so I'm a size 16 and admit that I'm over weight but not obese!!
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