The search for happiness......

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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby snail » Mon Sep 14, 2009 10:30 pm

You've recently moved continents, had a messy break-up, started a new job, and now you're moving house and having to stay with your boss for a while - no wonder you're stressed! I wish I coped as well as you seem to with things, just the thought of moving to another country on my own makes me go into meltdown, let alone all the other things.

Once you're settled in your new place, you'll have to give yourself lots of pampering and treats as a reward :D

Then as soon as you've done that, I want to see pictures of Vegas 8)
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby everloney » Mon Sep 14, 2009 11:18 pm

Thanks snail, I think I'm melting down abit at the moment im crying and typing at work. I closed the office door and just hope no1 comes in. I will get over it in about 10 mins and just get on with it, what else can a girl do? I just feel so stupid and worthless, I mean i wanted to do this moving aboard thing to prove i was a good scientist and i could work in a different lab. I had a very great boss before and we are very close. I don't feel validated and i think im going to end up running home to my old boss, although he doesnt have a job for me yet. My boss thinks im an idiot for sure and its my own fault as im very open about everything. A big mistake here, so im going to stop doing that. I just think i thought he seemed nice and said he wanted to be involved with the lab issues too. He doesn't he just wants results, i have been here 4 months now and no results. No wonder hes annoyed at me.... god i really suck
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Sep 15, 2009 9:51 am

You can't ASSUME he is mad at you, or not impressed. Maybe have a word with your boss and ask for advice in the lab, say you feel you aren't producing good enough results and does he have any advice that could help you. If he doesn't know you are struggling or upset then he doesn't know to help you.

We want to see photos; so I hope you go sightseeing and take loads of photos.
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby ennis81 » Tue Sep 15, 2009 11:41 am

Heya hun,

I'm sorry your feeling bit rubbish at the moment, first off I wanna say I think your dead brave moving to a new country and starting a new life, that shows real courage I'm sure it was really scary to move away from everything and everyone that you've known, secondly I think your choice of career a scientist is amazing I imagine you worked extremely hard to get your PHD, you MUST have real drive and determination to have achieved that. So I want you to give yourself a break and a pat on the back =D> :D Of course your stressed, you've had a really rough time of it lately by the sounds of it!!!!

Like everybody else has said, if you are finding it hard to be happy in yourself then it is the wrong time for a relationship with anyone, I understand your lonely and lets face it we all just want to have someone love us, but at the minute you need to just focus on yourself, enjoy yourself, be good to yourself, and build up your self esteem and confidence. I've had a bad time with men and have decided NOT to be with anybody for at least another 6 months maybe longer, I've always hated being alone up until now, but since I've DECIDED to be happy on my own, I have been, I feel like I'm getting to know the real me at the moment and I'm enjoying my own company, I suppose i'm trying to say I'm enjoying focusing on myself and not worrying about anybody else, I'm not even seeing friends as much as I used to because I felt wrapped up in their problems sometimes and at the moment I'm not really able for anyone elses dramas, I just want to be with me (and my adorable daughter!!). Maybe that sounds selfish but its really helped me start to get my head together and work out what I feel is making me unhappy in myself.

Someone else recommended talking to your boss about the results he expects and if he can offer any advice to you, I think this is a really good idea, YOU DON'T SUCK at all, your doing your very best at a very stressful time and if this job doesn't work out for you, it doesn't work out, at least you know yourself that you did your best.

There loads of people out there who can't even motivate themselves to get out of bed in the mornings and look at you following your dreams and giving it your best shot, like I said I think you sound amazing.

I feel like I'm rambling a bit now lol, I'm glad you enjoyed Vegas, its next on my own hitlist!!!! I hope my advice has helped a bit at least. Cheer up hun :)

Everything will be ok, KEEP THE FAITH X
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby everloney » Tue Sep 15, 2009 4:55 pm

What a nice message ennis, thank you all for your support. Its so weird everyone says its a big deal and I'm very brave, strong etc for moving to the states, finishing my PhD. I just don't feel that way and i really wish i could be nicer to myself, i've done well. I just don't think im amazing or have achieved anything. I hate to treat you guys like theropy but i think its because of my mum, i love her and i don't think shes ever ment to hurt me etc but..... first off when i get my GCSEs she was sad my friend did better (now i feel like im always in competion with everyone...) my parents pushed me to do well. I was the only one that went to uni and i did a phd too. My dad is very proud, and i know it. My mum prob is too, but she doesn't want to over shadow my siblings and so doesn't make a big deal of me. So i don't think ive done anything that special... Also she once said, oh well you always land on your feet, like i didn't work my ass off to be where i am. Like it wasn't bloodly hard, i have deslexia too and it didn't help. My aunt said oh you must of slept with the lectures to get your PhD. Jesus.... This is prob why i don't think its a big deal and prob why i keep trying.

My mum also thinks i should be married by now (she was at 25, married with two kids, as she likes to remind me). So i feel like until i get this i have nothing. I hate how parents can affect how you feel about things, i miss them terribly though and they are great parents.

As for boss, i have tried talking to him and he said he would give me a new project, its not a good one. After talking to him, he also told the lab manger (who i am sort of friendly with) that he thinks I'm having a break down. She's scottish and advised me to NOT talk to my boss about how i am "feeling" its seen as weakness in the states and you just have to smile and get on with it... So I'm going to give it a try, i have to achieve, i feel like its ingrained into my being....

Vegas was amazing, i will post some pics in the pics section in chit chat....

Again thanks guys
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby captainf » Wed Sep 16, 2009 1:16 am

I think you've got to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks of your achievements and just be proud of what you have done! I've flown well over 100 times, have over 150 take offs and landings and my mum has only ever watched me fly 5 times. My nan would prefer that I gave up flying and spent my life working on a till in a supermarket. My dad has no interest in my flying, he asks how it is but he has never come to see me fly and due to the fact that he doesnt like flying he said he will never fly with me. Despite all this I dont care - I enjoy flying, I have always wanted to do it since I was a baby and part of me owes it to my grandad (who died in 1996) I fly because it makes me happy, I enjoy it and it brings me joy. You have worked hard to be a scientist, you enjoy doing it so theres no reason to worry about getting anyones approval, even your families. Many people get degrees etc, thats not really unique, however your other achievements in life (like becoming a scientist) is something to be proud of. Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks or what they are doing. Focus on yourself, enjoy the fact that you have achieved so much, enjoy being in the USA. There are alot of people in the world who havent achieved their dreams, or fallen short and you have a very good and big opportunity to enjoy your career and make the most of it. Some people are not that fortunate.
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby ennis81 » Wed Sep 16, 2009 10:31 am

Hey how are you today?

Parents are parents and of course they are proud of you, but at the end of the day its your life and its not up to them to dictate to you what way you should lead it, most people got married and had kids young years ago, my dad was married with 2 kids at 21!!!! The world has changed and things are different now, theres plenty of time to settle down so don't worry about that. Your mum is probably just after some grandkids lol

You could waste your life away worrying about what people think of you hun, lets face it everybodies got an opinion, like I said already you've got to find a way to make yourself happier, in whatever way you can, if the career and life in the states doesn't work out you could always come home and do something else, you seem to be under a lot of pressure and I just want you to remember there are always other choices in life if something doesn't work out.

Don't let the pressure and all these people get to you so much, live your life for you.

I don't know what other advice I can give about the job situation, Please message me if you need to, hope your ok :wink:
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby snail » Wed Sep 16, 2009 12:24 pm

ennis81 wrote:remember there are always other choices in life if something doesn't work out.


That is so true.
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Sep 16, 2009 12:31 pm

ennis81 wrote: Your mum is probably just after some grandkids lol

, lets face it everybodies got an opinion,
:


I so agree with both these points

You cannot live your life for the approval of anyone. Lets face it whatever you do your mum will never let you know how good you have doen for fear of overshadowing the othe siblings :roll:

Give yourself a break and plastere on the massive smiole for the boss. Can this lab manager help you out at all either your job issues?
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby ennis81 » Wed Sep 16, 2009 1:34 pm

I just saw ur picture in the chit chat forum.
I have to say You are so pretty and I don't know why you think you are overweight you have a lovely figure :)
P.S that giant margarita looks great mmm margarita :D
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Wed Sep 16, 2009 2:06 pm

ennis81 wrote:You are so pretty and I don't know why you think you are overweight


I thought you were pretty too everlonely. Do you think you are overweight? Where is the extra weight? It can't be hidden behind the margaritta glass.... [-X don't you go thinking you are overweight, you have a nice figure :)
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby everloney » Wed Sep 16, 2009 5:05 pm

Ohh you guys are sweet.... i think the glass is hiding my big belly, lol... its a good pic :) I think way too much about everything, I'm ok looking and people are interested in me, but no1 stays around, so it must be my personality, lately i think its more about me insecurities and me making bad choices. Just another one of my many issues, hehe. I'm not too worried about dating at the moment, i think i just want to get my head straight and find out what I'm like on my own. I havn't been in a serious relationship for 4 years but theres been short ones and when I am single i normally am just looking for the next potential. I'm now trying not looking and just enjoying life alone.

as for the job, potentially i could love it and so i'm keeping my head down and just going to work really hard and try and get data out. If i get a paper out of this lab it would be very good at helping me get another job. As for my mum, your right. I have to do what I'm doing for me, not anyone else.

Just had some good news my sister and brother are coming out to visit me in nov!! I'm pleased about this!
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Sep 17, 2009 9:21 am

You're doing all the right things and your attitude will help to change how you feel. I think ultimately if you be friends with people first and your not on the hunt you will find a better type of guy who will wnat to stick around.
As the others have said you are a pretty girl with a lot going for you, start to believe in yourself a bit more.
The visit is a really positive thing. You can now work on planning where to take them. Don't be afraid to admit you find it hard being there sometimes, don't pretend to your family it's all fairy tale.
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Thu Sep 17, 2009 9:28 am

everloney wrote:st had some good news my sister and brother are coming out to visit me in nov!! I'm pleased about this!


Excellent news, you can plan where to take them. (Remember to take lots of photos)
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby ennis81 » Thu Sep 17, 2009 1:16 pm

In regards to you saying nobody seems to stick around in a relationship, could this be because you are behaving clingy, maybe wanting it to work so bad you could come across too strongly or too needy?? This is probably to do with you feeling bad about yourself, working on your self esteem will help with this in the future, remember to value yourself and be choosey with who you get involved with, if you meet someone you think you could would like to have a relationship with in the next while, its a good idea to be friends first as you will get a better picture of what this person is really like before you fall too hard for them :wink:

Fantastic news about your bro and sis coming for a visit, thats something to look forward to and plan for :wink:
Good woman for having a positive attitude it goes a long way in life, keep smiling you never know whos watching :D
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