The search for happiness......

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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby everloney » Mon Sep 21, 2009 11:22 pm

Maybe i do, i think although i dont act openly clingy or needy maybe i am subconsciously doing it... I think also because im so desperate to find that one i end up with bad people. I wonder sometimes if everyone feels like me, but im the only one thats honest about it? I prob take it to extremes too, like thinking would he make a good husband and stuff.... i think im just going to be alone for a while and if/when i do meet someone im going to take it slow. friends first and all that... I'm feeling alittle sad like no1 fancies me or will ever be interested in me, you know. Also i think that if i don't pursue and act interested in any potential guy, they will not be interested, i hope this is not true.
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Tue Sep 22, 2009 8:24 am

everloney wrote:Also i think that if i don't pursue and act interested in any potential guy, they will not be interested, i hope this is not true.


If a guy is interested he will persue; ok you need to make sure he knows you like him too so he knows but both people should do "some" persuing.
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby RagDoll » Wed Sep 23, 2009 10:34 am

I have to admit that I really wanted to find the 'one' when I was single, but I wouldn't describe that want/need as desperate. I think you need to stop thinking that finding the one is the be all to end all...

I think being alone for a while and taking it slowly when you do meet someone is a good plan. With regards to feeling like no one will ever be interested in you - well, of course they will! People have been interested in you in the past, so of course other people will be in the future too. Guys are even more likely to be interested if you're happy in your own skin too.

You're a good looking, intelligent and obviously ambitious woman, so somebody would be lucky to have you!
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby captainf » Wed Sep 23, 2009 3:03 pm

Its like i've always said to you, sit back and be single for awhile, just so you can get over everything thats happened to you. Once you have had time out for yourself then you will be in a position to be with someone new. I know I have said this before but while you're hurting due to past experiences you cannot really commit to someone as you will bring accross baggage from the past and more often than not it will ruin the relationship. Relax, take it easy and just be on your own for abit. Once you've moved on, then you can think about being with someone new.
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Sep 23, 2009 4:03 pm

Yes captain is right give yourself time to heal before trying to move into anything new
Also there will definately be guys interested but you wnat to attract the right ones so you need to be happy with youself and then you can be picky too and make sure you do get one that can be good husband material :lol:
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby everloney » Thu Sep 24, 2009 7:15 pm

Thanks guys i know your right, its hard to change a lifetime habit but i really want to be ok alone, so when someone wonderful comes along ill be in a good mind set to be with them. Also im bored of dating total losers, i want someone who will respect me and stuff. I'm not going to find that if i keep falling to quickly for people who arent right for me. So I'm going to try and just have fun and not worry so much. I'm trying to enjoy spending time alone, its quite difficult at first i think. I went to the cinema alone the other day, watching the film was fine but afterwords everyone had someone to talk to about it and i felt lonely. I think i feel the most lonely when there are lots of people around but none are talking to me..... does that make sense? Oh well im going to keep on trying to be really independent, im working my way up to eating out alone..... :) Thanks for all your advise and help guys, its really nice to have people to talk to about this stuff.
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby ennis81 » Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:12 am

Yes hun, Of course it makes sense that when your around people and no one is talking to you, to feel lonely, I left a pub before my friends the other night and went to get a pizza alone and I felt lonely waiting for my pizza for 10 mins by myself lol :-({|= so How sad am I??!!!
I think your doing great, well done for getting out there and giving it a try, a positive attitude is a great start, plan nice things for yourself to do when you have time off, heres some of the stuff I do, go to a dvd store and rent 2 of your fave movies (funny ones :D ) get loads of munchies and a bottle of wine and have a nice relaxing night by yourself, dress yourself up and go and get a manicure and then go and have lunch, when your lookin good you'll be feeling good, I'm glad to see your feeling better, hows work going for you at the moment?
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:24 am

I think the cinema and eating out alone would be two of the hardest things to do alone, so I'm proud of you for tackling the cinema so far. I often travel to Aberdeen with work and the last overnight stay I was alone; I had to eat out alone...no one in the restaurant stared or anything and it was fine once I got my food. To make matters worse the restaurant was full of men and I was the only girl, so not only did I stick out for eating alone I did because I was a girl.

A few weeks ago my bf was talking to an elderly man in a queue at a food court place; once we'd sat down we heard the man asking two ladies if they'd mind if he sat with them - they were such snobs they said no. I was so tempted to offer him to sit with us, but we were finished and needed to rush off. You might meet a lot of people this way everylonely.
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Sep 25, 2009 10:51 am

If your worried about eating alone take a book or a magazine and stick your nose in that when you are feeling a bit lonely
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby everloney » Fri Sep 25, 2009 7:51 pm

Thanks guys, I like the taking a book idea. I do have friends here, not loads but a few. I just thought maybe its important to be able to do things alone too. I'm moving today which is never fun. Weirdly though im thinking about that guy that hurt me alot today and the feelings are raw today. I'm thinking about contacting him again today. It happened two months ago, he clearly doesnt care aBOUT ME as i have heard nothing from him. I thought i was getting over it, but maybe i'm not. I don't think going back will help, it will just hurt more, im hoping its because im moving that these feelings have come back because we spent alot of time here together. I was so strong, deleted everything of his, email etc.... i havn't contacted him but two months later i am not over it..... errr my neighbor who im friendly with said i didn't like him it was just what he did that hurt not losing him. I think its partly true i think it hurt so much because of what he did.... i just want to get over it and not care about him, i mean like not care what hes doing etc.... it all feels so drawn out.... Sorry to change the topic again, just im worried ill never get over it....
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby captainf » Fri Sep 25, 2009 9:15 pm

As i've said, whenever something gets hard for you or you are nervous (like about moving, work etc) you immediately think of him because he was the first bit of support you had when you moved to the USA. You've just got to remember that he was no good, he hurt you and theres no point in thinking about someone whos taken great satisfaction in leading you on and using you. I'm sure the move will go with ease and I hope you are happy with your new establishment.
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby everloney » Sat Sep 26, 2009 4:33 pm

Ennis, i would feel lonely waiting for a pizza too :). I miss going to the pub with my friends, people dont really do that much here..... As for work its going ok, i got the thing i couldn't get working to work.... i got bands !! yay. Today i'm doing a workshop teaching teachers about regeneration. I'm excited it should be fun. I think after i may try and spend time with one of my friends, shes got a new dog and i want to see it. If not i may go get my hair done.... or have my night of movies n muchies :). I'm now at my bosses place and they are going out tonight, so i have rain of the big TV.
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby RagDoll » Sat Sep 26, 2009 10:28 pm

everloney wrote:just im worried ill never get over it....


Of course you will get over it, just give yourself some time. This guy is going to be of no consequence to you in a few years time. You'll probably just wish you had nothing to do with him, but nothing more.

You sound quite upbeat in your last post, so that's good :) Well done on the job thingy you got working too :D
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby captainf » Sun Sep 27, 2009 2:29 am

As for work its going ok, i got the thing i couldn't get working to work.... i got bands !!


So whats that mean then? :P
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?
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Re: The search for happiness......

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Sep 28, 2009 8:51 am

When I was at uni first time i had a friend from Germany and she used to go out everywhere alone; she'd just make a point of inviting people and if people didn't want to go she'd still go and then she'd tell us all about it to make us want to go next time. My friend joined an international society at the uni - are there any societies or clubs like that close by to where you live? You tend to find that a lot of people will be in the same boat as you. She also lived in a flat share with 4-5 other people; are you moving in with other people (after staying with your boss)?

Is there anyone you work/socialise with who has mentioned a sport they like? I work with a French man - he does a lot alone...but he also generally plays table tennis with someone from work once a week. It's worth if you hear someone mention a sport to mention that you like it too and would they like to play with you, or if it's a new sport say I've always fancied that would you show me how to play it? The french lad at work also often goes on trips away for the weekend to various places.
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