I've done a complete U-Turn

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I've done a complete U-Turn

Postby littlebee » Sat Sep 12, 2009 9:25 pm

I wrote here not so long ago about depression and I went to the doctor and decided that councelling wasn't for me and decided to figure it out on my own, and I did start to get back on my feet..applied for college doing something I love, tried to face my agoraphobia and it was going well.
I started college a few days ago and I found out, after I enrolled, that the ex that triggered my whole depression was going to be in my class. I have no feelings for him anymore and I confronted him and we decided to be civil, but if you read my posts before you'll know that he only triggered it and it wasn't really about him. It's all coming back. I feel like rubbish, I don't want to see anybody, I'm cutting out friends again and I'm going from eating nothing to over eating. I just want to cry all the time and break things and just hurt myself and feel pain and I don't know why. I want to kill myself, and I know people might think that's pathetic or stupid but I can't cope with life anymore.
I just don't know what to do, and I don't even know if it's worth trying anymore. I tried to get out of it and I did, just for me to fall right back into it and go through it all over again. I'm lost.
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Re: I've done a complete U-Turn

Postby captainf » Sat Sep 12, 2009 9:49 pm

I'm sorry to hear you feel that way. Was it just seeing your ex that made you fall back into this rut? If so, why did seeing him make you feel like this?
Please dont kill yourself. Honestly you can get through this but it will take effort. It might even be time to think about coupling your college course with counselling just until you find your feet again and can go solo.
I can't write much more until you clarify why seeing your ex has made you feel like this.
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?
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Re: I've done a complete U-Turn

Postby snail » Sun Sep 13, 2009 9:59 am

It's to be expected that you will slip back sometimes; it's the old "two steps forward, one step back" thing. The fact that you're feeling bad now doesn't take away from the fact that you improved tremendously - your progress is upwards, but unfortunately it's not realistic that everything will get better straightaway. Your ex just triggered the feelings because your state of mind was so fragile, anything bad or that reminded you would have been enough to do it. But every time you do slip back, you learn better how to get yourself out of that place again, so remember that and don't get disheartened.

I really would accept counselling if it's offered. How much benefit you get out of it depends on where you are mentally, so to speak, but at the very least it's another source of support, and the counsellor will definitely be able to give you lots of helpful tips and insights.
How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.

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Re: I've done a complete U-Turn

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Sep 14, 2009 11:15 am

I agree with Snail.

Is there the possibilty of speaking to your tutors at college and quiting this year and starting a-fresh next year. That way your ex won't be in your class; you may see him but you won't see him as much. You could always volunteer somewhere for the year to help with your agoraphobia?
A hug is a great gift, one size fits all.
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Re: I've done a complete U-Turn

Postby ennis81 » Tue Sep 15, 2009 12:30 pm

I know things feel rough at the min, but don't say you want to kill yourself, suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem, go to the doctor and tell him how you are feeling, don't suffer on your own, sometimes we need help in order to feel better. Take care X
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