I can't cope with being me any longer.

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I can't cope with being me any longer.

Postby JennaXXX » Thu Oct 01, 2009 7:17 pm

I am such a failure. An absolute joke.
Today in work I was informed by my boss that my headboss thinks I just want an easy life and that I am not doing enough for the company. This is all because I don't want to take a more active role in the kids club. I was asked to manage it but turned it down a few months ago as I didn't think it would be fair to manage it knowing that I much prefer working in the creche with the younger ones. I didn't take on the job to manage kids club yet now they have decided that I am lazy as I don't want to do it. I have arranged a meeting with my boss tomorrow although he hasn't got back to me yet and I am just dreading it. I don't want to hear how much my headbosses hate me (my bosses admit that they do but says it is because other people in my team give us all a bad reputation as they are always late, always off sick and not reliable.). I am the only one that is committed and reliable to the job yet my bosses are now suggesting that I'm not. I am livid about this and very hurt. I have put 100% into work and it's all being thrown back in my face. They also think I need to be louder and now I am worried that they are starting to think about putting one of my louder colleague into my creche role. I don't know what to say to my boss tomorrow but will be saying that I can't take anymore and that I don't want to hear anymore personal comments from my headboss. :( :( :(
Not only that but I feel like all my friendships are falling apart and that my friends just don't want to bother with me anymore.
I feel so ashamed of myself and have lost a lot of weight through stress. I want to leave my job as it is making me feel suicidal. I love the kids so much but just can't work in this environment anymore. I feel like I have no-one to chat to about this and like no-one cares about my feelings. I am also incredibly ashamed of my personality and am dreading tomorrow where I will probably be slated even further.

I just want to run away. I hate being me and feel sorry for all the people who believe that I am worth something and that I am not a completely weak sadcased failure. I also worry that my headboss will go around telling other colleagues what he thinks of me and that they will change their minds on me. So far they think I am wonderful but I'm sure it won't last long.
Whatever life throws at you, smile, hold your head up high and be the best you can possibly be.
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Re: I can't cope with being me any longer.

Postby captainf » Thu Oct 01, 2009 11:12 pm

I'm just wondering what gave your headboss the right to make such personal comments about you such as saying he hates you? Also if you're reliable and always on time, punctual etc why is he making it sound like you're the problem?
So you didnt take the kids club role, it was offered to you, there was no obligation to actually take the position. So to be fair, Jenna, you havent really done anything wrong. As long as you are doing your job accordingly there should be no reason for them to have any problems with you. If however your team are being problematic address that to your boss. It could be that your team is dragging you all down abit but you have to be honest about this with your boss in order for them to see (although it should be obvious) that you are not the one to blame. After your meeting tomorrow see how things go and then decide on what the future holds regarding your job there. I know you're passionate about children so I cant for one second think of why they are doubting your commitment.

Come'on Jenna, you're not a bad person and you know that really. I know how much you enjoy working with kids and I know how much they enjoy being with you too. You are very committed to your job and if you wasnt you wouldnt be posting here now. You have no reason to feel ashamed of yourself. You have a job you love, but ive got a feeling its the others in the team letting you down.

What makes you feel like your friendships are falling apart? What has happened?

Also please dont consider suicide. Its really not worth it and whenever we all go through a bad patch we all come out of the otherside of it and you will too! Just keep going and life will get better for you. I think that if you're really considering suicide maybe go for some counselling. You're worth far more than you realise. Please dont be so hard on yourself, you really dont give yourself enough credit. You are a really good natured person, you love and care for the kids you work with and even their parents really like you too. For the kids and parents to really like you, you must be doing something right.

I feel really sorry for you but I really hope tomorrows meeting isnt as bad as you think its going to be. Just be honest with your boss about how you feel, tell him that you are committed to the job and explain why you didnt want the kids club position (not that you should have to give them a reason considering that it wasnt something you had to do)

I hope things work out for you, Jenna. You've been so unfortunate. Chin up though, things will improve.
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?
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Re: I can't cope with being me any longer.

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Oct 02, 2009 12:05 pm

captainf wrote:I'm just wondering what gave your headboss the right to make such personal comments about you such as saying he hates you? Also if you're reliable and always on time, punctual etc why is he making it sound like you're the problem?

Also please dont consider suicide. Its really not worth it and whenever we all go through a bad patch we all come out of the otherside of it and you will too! Just keep going and life will get better for you. I think that if you're really considering suicide maybe go for some counselling. You're worth far more than you realise. Please dont be so hard on yourself, you really dont give yourself enough credit. You are a really good natured person, you love and care for the kids you work with and even their parents really like you too. For the kids and parents to really like you, you must be doing something right.
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I couldn't agree more with theses comments. Also your boss may be under pressure to get someone to agree to the kids club role and is lying to scare you into taking it. Your boss sounds awfully unprofessional and may not be telling the truth about what teh high up boss has said. Write all this down and any future problems so that if they try to remove you from your position you can go to a tribunal. Also if it continues you can put in a grievance about the persoannl inappropriate comments.

I think you as a person do need conselling or better still cognitive therapy, you are so down on yourself and you shouldn't be. You need to learn to love yourself more and see your strengths.

If you haven't already had you meeting ask if your boss can tell you were the company wants to see improvement in your work. They won't be able to call you lazy without specific examples of what your not doing enough of. Not taking on a role you don't want is not being lazy. I think you may find they don't actually have anything and you an easy target to pick on. Once you show them you won't be so easily intimidated they will probably back off.
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