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Postby Millenia » Sun Oct 25, 2009 10:58 am

Hey guys,

Me and my ex partner have been seeing each other a little more recently and he has been doing really well in setting up nice things for us etc. But what i have noticed is that now i have started to fight with him.
It's like the little things that blow me up. For example i gave him £20 as he was skint to cover his train fare to and from work. Then the next time i see him he's bought himself a game. Now throughout this week i've also bought him a few groceries nothing big but i just felt kicked in the teeth that he could have gave me the money back instead of being selfish. When i spoke to him about it he lifted £20 from his wallet and said 'there you go, i had it in my wallet to give to you'. But i wouldn't let it go and told him that technically he was spending my money on something selfish for himself. I just wouldn't let it go until he saw it from my point of view.

What im getting at is that, no matter who im with in a relationship I've always done this, and the more i grow up the more i think im just a right witch saying 'see thing's my way for a change'. I've told my 'ex' partner that theirs no point in trying on many occasions just because he can't see thing's my way. To be honest as im trying to think up an example i can't.

It's like i want them to compromise for me but i won't for them. When i read back from letter form past partners they always mention how nice i can be then it's as if a someone pushes a switch and i just turn which they say could be over nothing.

My ex partner and i are not strictly together as we don;t know how 'well' he is and frankly every time we see each other im fighting with him. Whats wrong with me? He told me that he didn't want to ask me out until he was feeling better but then last night he said he wasn't asking me out again because i just fight with him. I was just really upset and like i usually do i told him to just leave it then and hung up on him.
It's like my impression was that we were seeing how thing's go and if he feels he's stable enough he will ask me out again, which i accepted but i put a time limit on it as im not waiting forever for him. But now when he said it was because i fight with him all the time, i just feel devastated and i know he's right. Im picking up the smallest thing and making it into something huge.

I've done this with everyone i am in a long term relationship with. Im not sure what i can do.

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Re: Anger

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Oct 26, 2009 1:45 pm

I think this may be far deeper an issue than can be resovled on pp especially as you say you've always done this
Perhaps conselling could help get to the bottom of this. I think that this sounds more like a need to be in control than anger though. When you don't get the control it makes you then get angry. People can't always agree with you. Sometimes you have to agree to differ. The fact you have recognised this as your problem may help you calm it down a bit.
I assume fom what you said you are not like this with friends etc so maybe it stems from insecurity
Sorry I can't be more helpful
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