need a friendly ear and advice

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need a friendly ear and advice

Postby demps » Thu Nov 05, 2009 12:28 am

hi to everyone who's about to take time out to read this, before i start i just want to say i appreciate any views, help, advice that may be given.

ok, so im a fairly good-looking, intelligent female who is 19 and should be having the time of my life....however im not.Since i was 13 years old i had been going out with my ex, we spent every day together and were madly in love, only 6 months ago did we split up as he was drinking way too much and putting himself in situations which i couldnt stand, fights, being paralletic.I'd told him until he got his act together i couldnt be with him. I had grown up with my dad drinking alot and knew that was not the path i wanted to take. He told me he was going to change but since going to university he has only got worse, but now he is refusing to stay in touch with me...i feel like after everything we have been through for him to act the way he is is selfish. Also, at the age of 14, a girl where we both knew was brutally murdered...i suffered severe depression for 2 years after this and visited a counsellor. My boyfriend was effected badly aswell but he somehow managed to pull through much better than myself. At 16, my parents then split up. My father moved out and i stayed with my mum, but there was no civilness between mother suffered depression and would call my dad awful names and everythin he had done to her would come spilling out to me, which i couldnt handle and would go to my room and cry for hours on end wondering where our happy family had gone. One night she came home after seeing my dad with his new girlfriend in the pub and trashed the house, trying to pull radiators off walls and kicking doors,,,at this point, i broke down,,,somehow feeling helpless, trapped and in the middle of their feud as i was being sent as a messenger between them....luckily my brothers were there who dealt with the situation and calmed her down.....if it wasnt for their support that night i think i probably would have run away. I am much closer to my mum than dad and love her very much, i cant begin to understand what shes going through but her actions are somehow making me resent her and i dont want to feel like this. I am now dating again, though constantly wondering is this ever going anywhere, and when my ex found out he got insanely jealous, only to admit to me that he had slept with someone else, which was another very hurtful blow as i had been the only one he had been with since 13. I know he was entitled to but he just gave me the impression that he wanted me back and was trying to make an effort, but i guess thats not true. Im feeling extremely depressed again and although now its not quite as terrible as the murder, i just feel i cant cope. Im feeling very alone.

The reason i wrote on here is because i cannot and never have been able to speak to anyone about how i feel, so i thought this way may relieve me somehow.
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Re: need a friendly ear and advice

Postby Bel Bel » Fri Nov 06, 2009 12:55 pm

Would you consider going to a counsellor? Remember they cannot discuss anything you tell them with anyone esle and often unloading to a stranger is easier than you think. You could also write down your problems and show them at the first sessiona nd go from there if you find it difficult to get it all out at first.
You have a lot of issues here and I am not sure whatever anyone said on here that it would be enough
I can totally see why you are depressed. However close you are to your mum she should not have and should not continue to unburden herself on you especially about your dad, that can be very damaging. Can you ask her not to talk to you about it anymore and explain it upsets you?
As for your ex if he is still engaging in bad behavior steer well clear. He could well have realised what he has lost since someone else came along but actions speak the most and if he wants to continue to behave like a bad boy why would you want to be with him anyway.
Are you happy with the new guy? Perhaps you don't need to worry were it's going and just enjoy it for what it is right now.

Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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Re: need a friendly ear and advice

Postby dipsydoodlenoodle » Mon Nov 09, 2009 11:47 am

I agree with Bel Bel
A hug is a great gift, one size fits all.
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