I feel so embarassed about my life.

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I feel so embarassed about my life.

Postby JennaXXX » Tue Dec 22, 2009 9:20 pm

I just need to talk it all out really so it is out of my head.
I just feel so embarassed and ashamed of my life right now. Although I supervise a creche and am popular with the kids and parents and well liked by my colleagues, I am still scared that something is wrong with me and that I am going to end up a lonely old spinster with no-one to care about me.
I am 24 and have hardly any friends. My *best friend* has treated me awfully and is now ignoring me for no good reason simply because of the fact that this is what she does from time to time and she constantly treats me as though I just don't matter. It wasn't bothering me as much a few weeks ago but now it is and I think it's because it is coming up to Christmas.
I have one good friend who is a guy but it is awkward at times as he is also single and my parents constantly say *oh it is such a shame there is no attraction between you* and this really embarasses me and makes it awkward when I do see him. I am pretty sure he doesn't feel anything more then friendship towards me, for example he occassionally gets other people to come out with us and ig he liked me in that way I would have thought he would have wanted it just us two.
I have a good uni friend but I haven't seen her for 2 years, however I am seeing her later on in January so hopefully that will go well. I also have a good workfriend but I worry she will start to see how pathetic I am and back off from me.
In terms of relationships, I don't want a boyfriend but am tired of everyone saying how weird that is. I do want to get married and settle down but not for a good few years. To be honest, marriage doesn't appeal to me as much as having children does. I am worried I will never have a child of my own and to me that would be utterly devastating. I just feel like time is running out and people my age seem to be moving on so fast and I am stuck behind.
I just feel like such a failure and as pathetic as it sounds it just hurts physically today.
Whatever life throws at you, smile, hold your head up high and be the best you can possibly be.
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Re: I feel so embarassed about my life.

Postby Skarlet » Wed Dec 23, 2009 12:20 am

Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. You don't need a boyfriend, and just because other people our age are getting married or are in relationships, does not mean they are in better places than you.

I think you need to work on building your self esteem up, then you wouldn't let people take advantage of you, and you wouldn't worry so much. You are a lovely person, and it will all fall into place for you, when the time is right. Please don't worry. :grouphug:
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Re: I feel so embarassed about my life.

Postby jen » Wed Dec 23, 2009 10:02 am

Hi Jenna

I think you've posted similar problems before and i think it may have been BelBel who suggested cognitive therapy or counceling. I have to say that i think this may be the best route for you.

You say that you're a supervisor in a creche, you love working with the kids and that you're happy being single.

To be honest i don't think you have anything to be embarrassed about at all which makes me think that it is just the self esteem issue you need to try and sort out. I really think some form of therapy can help with this.

With regards to your friends, maybe you should text your friend who isn't speaking. Just something light like "i hope i haven't sone anything to upset you, i'd really like to meet up for a coffee and a catch up sometime if you're intersted". Hopefully this may get her at least talking again. Regarding your other friend, i wouldn't worry about what your parents say. My best friend is a guy and we have been friends nearly 10 years and for about the first four years, all i got from my parents was "it's a shame you two don't feel that way about each other" and "aww *** is such a nice guy, why don't you two try going out a few times" not to mention the "why don't you go out with a nice guy like ***". Parents are just like this. They want what's best for you and lets face it, the guy who you're friends with is going to seem the best suited for you, after all, he doesn't have any alterior motives like a new bf might have. Just try to smile and ignore it and they will eventually stop.

Anther thing you said struck me though. You said that you don't think he feels this way about you because if he did he would want the two of you to be alone when you go out etc rather than inviting other people along. Is it possible that you're hoping that he likes you in a "more than friends" way?

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Re: I feel so embarassed about my life.

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Dec 23, 2009 12:53 pm

You are still going round in circles aren't you
Jen is right I did say to get Congnative Therapy
If you do the same thing all the timje you will get the same results
You are not dealing with the problem just continually going over and over the same things
No reassurance from us is helping so you need to get professional help to sort this out
Please think about it, it WILL change your life for the better
You can start really living and enjoying life instead of constantly feeling your not worthy
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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Re: I feel so embarassed about my life.

Postby everloney » Wed Dec 23, 2009 5:30 pm

I also feel like we are on a merry go round, this is very very similar to your last post on this subject. I had to double check the date. Hey Jenna, I just wanted to say you are not alone in these feelings. I am 25, single, relatively successful doing a job/work i love (you have done well). I get grief from my boss, it makes me cry and feel worthless. I am single and worry no-one would ever want to marry me and i'll never have kids. I would really like to have kids one day. I have been playing my sob story record for about four years now since my last long term relationship ended. My friends are tired of hearing it, kinda sometimes think people here may be tired of hearing it and im tired of hearing it. I'm tired of feeling unhappy and waiting for my life to start. I'm tired of feeling worthless.

Now i do think your issues and my issues are different in many ways but i think they are rooted in the same problem. Self-esteem. I have low self-esteem and i think you do too. I think if you do not want to go to therapy (i tried it for a few weeks didn't work for me, although i would try again) try getting a self help book. I feel like i want to move forward and just don't know how, so i bought a book called single. I think a self-esteem book would help you. As i have said before (but i don't think you believe) you are sweet, kind, caring and successful. You have a job you love and you are good at it. Please get yourself a xmas gift this year jenna, therapy or a self help book. You are worth it :)
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Re: I feel so embarassed about my life.

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Dec 30, 2009 3:28 pm

another thing to remeber if you don't go anywhere or do anything to meet anyone they aren't just going to come knocking at your door
You need to get yourself out there doing social things to meet other people, not necessarily with the intent of hooking up but the more people you epose yourself to the more likely you are to find someone

However I think you will be able to do this better once you feel better about yourself
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

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