Feeling depressed

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Re: Feeling depressed

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:38 pm

What a lovely post fiftyone :)
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Re: Feeling depressed

Postby Becca87 » Thu Feb 18, 2010 3:12 pm

Thanks for your post fiftyone :) It's good to know that someone can relate to how I feel. I understand the point you made about feeling this way when you felt alone and lacked support in your life. I think one of the root causes of how I feel might be that I also feel very lonely. I moved away from home a couple of years ago and I live with my boyfriend in his home town. I don't know anyone here other than my boyfriend and his parents. There are other students on my course that I'm friends with but I don't socialise with anyone outside university. I have some friends who I've known since we were at school together but we don't meet up often or speak regularly. My dad and sister still live in my home town, which is about 50 miles away, and my mum and brother moved to Scotland a couple of years ago (I live in Yorkshire, England), so I don't see them nearly as often as I'd like. I think this feeling of loneliness, as well as the pressures on me at university (I'll be graduating and job-hunting very soon!), may be manifesting themselves in this phobia/depression.

I've been preoccupied with thoughts of death for about three months now, and I'm beginning to get truly sick of it. I'd do anything to feel normal again. I saw the counsellor for the second time today and broke down in tears while I was with her. It's a school holiday this week so I haven't been on placement, which means my mind has been more free to dwell on certain things. I told the counsellor that I know what I need to do to feel better, but I don't want to do it. What I mean by that is this: I know that I need to confront my fear, but that involves thinking about it. Thinking about it is much too scary at the moment. I can't force myself to sit and think about death - I'll only succeed in upsetting and frightening myself. But the other option, which is attempting to replace my negative thoughts with positive ones, doesn't appeal to me either. Taking my mind off my fear and thinking of other things will just force my fear to the back of my mind, where I've no doubt it'll sit until it's ready to reappear at a later date. I never want to feel like this again, so I need to come to terms with it now. But how do I do that without thinking about what scares me so much?
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Re: Feeling depressed

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Feb 24, 2010 12:49 pm

well you can't go on as you are it will never resolve itself so replacing negative thoughts with positive ones is the best of the options
You don't know it won't work because you haven't tried it so don't assume you know how it will go
Also if the fears come back again in a few months then you try again with the positive reinforcement
Either that or you can carry on as you are adn have to live with it everyday 8-[
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Re: Feeling depressed

Postby Becca87 » Fri Mar 19, 2010 9:41 pm

Well I think it's time for another update!
I was officially discharged from counselling on Monday. I had a telephone appointment with my counsellor and she asked me the same set of questions about my feelings that she's asked each time I've seen her. My results showed an improvement and I told her that I've been feeling slightly better over the past couple of weeks. I don't know what I can put it down to (maybe it's the recent sunny weather we've been enjoying), but over the past couple of weeks I've noticed a definite improvement in my mood. I still think about death several times a day, and the thought still panics and terrifies me every time it enters my head, but the thoughts aren't constantly present from morning 'til night like they were before. It worries me that I don't know what's made me feel better - if these thoughts become continual again, I won't know what to do to get rid of them. And I'm not 100% better. The thoughts have gone from being in my head 100% of the time to about 70%, which is an improvement, but I wish they could be in my head 0% of the time. I guess I'll have to keep working on it.
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Re: Feeling depressed

Postby snail » Mon Mar 22, 2010 10:11 pm

To be honest I'm not very impressed with the "counselling" you've received. Proper counselling typically involves face-to-face meetings once a week for 2-5 years, not a few phone calls over a few weeks, and then signing you off because you feel slightly better for a few days! No wonder you're worried about it coming back, and that's another sign you haven't received what you needed - you shouldn't feel like that. It's rubbish, and I think you should complain.

I personally would continue to pursue this - try and get yourself some real counselling. Remember not every approach is right for everyone (I saw two people before the counsellor I'm now with). If you don't you will remain vulnerable to this problem, and I think it will come back again some day.
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Re: Feeling depressed

Postby Becca87 » Sun Mar 28, 2010 7:07 pm

I suppose you've got a point about the counselling. The counsellor saw me in person twice, and spoke to me twice over the phone. The appointments weren't on a regular basis. After bursting into tears in her office, she left it three weeks until my next appointment, which was over the phone and also happened to be my final appointment. Mind you, the counsellor had recommended me for more of a self-help programme; she sent me a couple of booklets to work through and the appointments were only meant to supplement my own work. I did find the counsellor quite patronising though. The questions she asked me before each session continually showed that I wasn't clinically depressed, so it seemed to me that she automatically saw my thoughts as less important. That's the way it felt anyway.

I know many people see numerous counsellors before they find one that they feel really understands and can help them. This happened to my boyfriend when he was diagnosed with depression a few years ago. But my experience has made me question whether counselling is for me. I was wondering if anyone here has any thoughts on hypnotherapy?
Last edited by Becca87 on Sun Mar 28, 2010 8:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Feeling depressed

Postby snail » Sun Mar 28, 2010 7:54 pm

I tried two hypnotherapists before seeing my counsellor. They were both popular and respected, but they didn't help me, although seeing the second one for a course of treatments did make me realise that what I needed was counselling, so in that sense it was helpful.
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