Eating..

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Eating..

Postby Ithfifi » Thu Feb 04, 2010 3:09 pm

Hi there… I’m new here..

I guess I should sum up some background info, so the problem makes a little more sense. I am 21, have been single for over a year, unemployed for over a year and currently signed off work for mental health reasons.

In the past I’ve suffered from depression, certainly through all my teen years. I’ve had 7 failed suicide attempts, been self harming for over 10 years, been in stay-in units and been on various numerous medications for all sorts, hallucinations, depression, sleeping problems.. (Bundle of fun, aint I just? ?)

Three years ago, when starting a new job I became really into being healthy.. Exercising everyday before work, then I began eating less. Then practically nothing, it got to the point I would purge and vomit after most meals. It was all I could ever think about. For some reason or other, (I think something else must have been going on at the time) It sort of settled…

Now, Its all I can think about. I can’t talk to anyone about it – they just shout at me, they just tell me I’m not fat. (I know they are trying to help...) All I can think about is how I was 7st, and now I am 9st. I am doing my best to exercise, I have been cutting food down again. I just feel like its reaching that point, as if it’s almost impossible to lose the weight. I’ve talked to my therapist about this, but it really isn’t helping. If I eat the wrong thing I feel like a total failure, at the same time I’m finding it hard to fight temptation… I know its mostly not what I’m eating… eggs, salads, stir-fry, or just a plate of veg sometimes :/ I can’t indulge the same due to lactose intolerance (which, is quite a blessing, it stops me from eating cream cakes)

I’ve tried to ‘just get over it’. And I know its selfish to think about it all the time, but I can’t stop it…

What would you guys do?
I wonder if its like an ED... But if that’s the case, it’s not like I could get help since I’m not skinny. I’m so confused, and exhausted of being at war with myself.
Sorry this was so long :x
Diego Rivera ~ I dream a lot. I do more painting when I'm not painting. It's in the subconscious.

http://ithfifi.deviantart.com/ ~ My 'gallery'.
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Re: Eating..

Postby RagDoll » Thu Feb 04, 2010 3:29 pm

Hi and welcome to PP :)

I'm not qualified to really help you, but having read your post, I do feel like this is an eating disorder, which you need to seek help for. It does not matter how 'skinny' you are - you do not have to look a certain way to seek help for an eating disorder. You said your therapist isn't really helping.. is there someone who specialises in eating disorders that you could go and see?

On a side note.. 9st does not sound very heavy at all. I don't know how tall you are, but that still sounds quite light to me.
Last edited by RagDoll on Thu Feb 04, 2010 4:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Eating..

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Feb 04, 2010 4:17 pm

Yes I would just reinforce what ragdoll says. Go to the doctor and get a referal to a specialist who will not only understand but will kow how to help you

You have already got mental health issues so I think it probalay is just another way for that to manifest iteself

You have got over it before so you can do it agian and with the right help and support you won't feel so lonely with it all :grouphug:
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Re: Eating..

Postby rufio89 » Fri Feb 05, 2010 11:07 am

Hi,

As the other 2 have said, I'm not qualfied to give advice, but from my limited knowledge, I'd certainly say it sounds like an eating disorder. 9st is not heavy by any standards, and for 7st to be healthy you'd have to be less than 5"0 tall, and even then you'd be at the lower end of healthy.

I think you should really think about getting help.

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Re: Eating..

Postby Millenia » Wed Feb 10, 2010 6:20 pm

Hey there,

I can only describe from my own experience of having an eating disorder, and although at the moment im a lot better you never really seem to be 'cured' of it.
Firstly, your post says to me that deep down you have some issues that have to be brought out into the surface. Depression, sleeping problems and your suicide attempts all lead to something that needs to be addressed, i guess that's why you see a psychiatrist?
To me it's like your trying to find another way of trying to deal with what's going on inside your mind. You have had suicide attempts fail, maybe you think by eating less and less you pretty much will disappear?
Im actually smiling when you wrote that eating and vomiting was all you could think about - i remember how tiring that was. Going out to work and feeling light headed, counting calories pushing your boundaries to exercise when you feel like rubbish but you can;t really help what your doing. /hugs
You need to think of thing's logically - firstly you were 7st and now your 9st which is 2 stone heavier than what you were. Are you small made or have a normal build. I have quite a normal build and broad shoulders and at 7st i looked awful so start thinking in your head if you are a 'healthy' 9st.
It's a horrible feeling, bullying yourself inside because you've had a small thing that you 'think' you shouldn't have. There is a simple way to overcome this - don't deny yourself anything. Again it's thinking logically, if you've sat and stuffed your face full of chocolate and things then eat a huge pizza and everything else then yes you have ate the wrong foods and should cut down.
If you deny yourself everything food wise your mind will trick you into wanting it more. It's that struggle for having something you define as 'wrong', which will entice you to think about it more.
What i found really helps me is that i eat healthy during the week, and the weekend i can treat myself if i want to. I'll have 3 meals a day (sometimes skip breakfast so maybe 2 if im being honest), i work out at least 2 -3 hours a week and no more as im not allowed to do anymore or my parents will be onto my doctor again. (In case i get too obsessive again)- but i never deny myself anything. If i want a piece of cake i'll have it because i know i eat healthy 90% of the time and i work out so there is nothing wrong with me doing this.
When i did deny myself everything i found that i would eat the wrong thing's more and then beat myself up about it and then work out for 6-7 hours a day and feel exhausted.

You can't just 'get over this' - thing's like this take time, and because you dont think your skinny does not mean you don't have issues with eating.
You can pm me if you want to chat.

Im sorry you do feel this way though, but if anything i believe that i am proof that you can get better.
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