Kleptomania

For problems with mental or emotional well being.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Kleptomania

Postby fiftyone » Sun Feb 07, 2010 7:41 pm

Hi All

A while back I posted about my relative who I was worried about due to drastic weight loss. She seems to be under control albeit very thin but there are other issues now.

A while ago I went to stay at her house and found a few (3) small items from my house. I was surprised but didn't take it further and got on with life - but didn't forget. She turned up here once wearing my t - shirt. I was so surprised I said 'oh, is that mine'? She said yes and brought it back the next day. I had left it at hers.
After this Xmas 3 items went missing from my house - one of them was a Xmas present and had never been used. They haven't turned up and neither has she. She usually pops in every weekend. I popped in to see her family a month ago and she behaved normally. Another close family member said once humorously that she was a kleptomaniac but now I'm beginning to wonder if it was serious and maybe its becoming a problem like her eating problem.

If she does have this problem I would be willing to help but don't know where to start. I also don't want other things to go missing from my house. She's an Oxford Graduate and holds down a prestigious job in the city and is also feisty so confronting her might be indeed confrontational. I only realise that I have to hide things from her which is difficult especially if she pops in unexpectedly.
fiftyone
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 36
Joined: Sun Mar 30, 2008 10:57 am

Re: Kleptomania

Postby ILoveChristmas » Mon Feb 08, 2010 10:11 am

My suggestion would be to invite her round again and monitor what happens. Presumably if she hasn't been at your place over the past month or so nothing else has gone missing. If she comes round a few times and again things go walkabout then you'll have some basis on which to act.

I think in that situation i'd quietly approach her family about it. If she's doing it in your house she's bound to be doing it at home and i'm sure they won't be too surprised. However, as with most conditions like this, getting her to admit there's something wrong is a necessary first stage in the treatment of it.

After diagnosis people can be treated by either medication or therapy or a combination of the two.

It's good that you're maintaining a positive attitude to her, many wouldn't I suspect. The fact is though that if she is indeed suffering from kleptomania, it's not a voluntary thing that she's doing and your help will become very important.
Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive. - Stephen Fry.

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. — Steve Furtick
User avatar
ILoveChristmas
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 676
Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2008 4:24 pm
Location: Ayrshire, Scotland.
Gender: Male

Re: Kleptomania

Postby fiftyone » Tue Feb 09, 2010 12:00 pm

Thanks Christmas. She has distanced herself from me and hasn't been round since the incident. I suspect she's wracked with guilt because as you say she can't help herself and it is basically a psychological illness which - best will in the world - I can't help her with. Its also making me feel very anxious and resentful underneath. I will monitor her very closely indeed from now on. I'm sure her husband must be aware of all not being right. He does most of the work around the house, kids etc even though they both work full time. She puts her work first and is often very late getting home from it. I am her main relative and in other ways our relationship has been mutually beneficial over the years as we see each other weekly (usually) help each other out and other family type things. I don't want to blow this by confronting her as she might deny it and not speak to me again. I would have to be 101% certain.
fiftyone
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 36
Joined: Sun Mar 30, 2008 10:57 am

Re: Kleptomania

Postby Millenia » Wed Feb 10, 2010 5:59 pm

Have you spoken to her husband to see if he has noticed that she has been taken thing's?
It would be good to see if he has noticed and what his opinion of it is.

Millenia
Millenia
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 279
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2008 5:42 pm

Re: Kleptomania

Postby fiftyone » Fri Feb 12, 2010 12:20 pm

Thanks for your reply. No I haven't spoken to her husband. How could I ? Its such a hornets nest and I don't want to be the one to uncover this in the family. In any case he's in the police and so it would be doubly difficult for him as what she's doing is technically a crime - stealing. I know for sure she was badly treated as a child by a mentally ill mother and so its no surprise this is happening now. I honestly don't think they would let me in on it anyway even if she did 'come out' and acknowledge what she is doing. Its a very embarrassing condition.
fiftyone
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 36
Joined: Sun Mar 30, 2008 10:57 am

Re: Kleptomania

Postby warden_park » Fri Mar 19, 2010 4:01 pm

This is a hard situation to be dealing with and a lot to take on board so I understand your concerns :-({|= You are doing the right thing by asking for help :D
Firstly,as you said she is feisty, if you ask her about this illness, she may take it the wrong way so i would suggest waiting to see if any other items go missing, particularly when she is around. This way if you do have a disagreement with her about this situation, you know you will be doing the right thing by bringing it up - you are only trying to help her.
If this was to fail, I would highly suggest you talk to her parents as this could become more serious in future if it were left any longer.
I wish you all the best and I hope my advice has been helpful.

Good luck! :D
warden_park
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Mar 15, 2010 3:45 pm

Re: Kleptomania

Postby fiftyone » Sun Apr 04, 2010 12:05 am

Thanks for that Warden.

Well I invited her and her family round as I still haven't seen them much since Christmas (bearing in mind we got tog one a week before the incident). I said come over and have spaghetti and bottle of wine type evening. 3 hours beforehand she rang to say she'd been sick and so sorry but they couldn't come.

Popped round to give their child a birtdhay present and got chatting to the husband and said things had been taken from my house and described them. I reckoned that IF he knew about her problem then at least he would know what she was taking. Its making me feel bad and I now just feel like backing away altogether as there's been no acknowledgement of the problem and it may happen again and again and again. I think its a no hoper and its going to mean I simply won't see her much in the future which is very sad as the children also benefit from the family contact with us as well as them being very lovely kids.
fiftyone
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 36
Joined: Sun Mar 30, 2008 10:57 am

Re: Kleptomania

Postby retrochav » Fri Jun 18, 2010 9:40 am

It seems to be common that people with high power, high pressure jobs often seem to take risky actions - maybe for the adrenaline rush? Often we read about the singer, the banker, the chief executive who dresses as a baby, was found in a compromising position in a brothel, or got caught stealing something that they could easily have afforded to buy hundreds of.

I think a different approach might be to talk feelings - is she stressed? Is she striving to "have it all" and feeling like a failure? Sometimes a comforting chat gets people to really open up and confess all manner of issues without confrontation.

This assumes of course that this is something you want to do. The alternatvie would be to loosen the ties and only meet her at her place. If you suspect her of theft, dont go to places where you could be hauled up as an accumplice.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
retrochav
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1217
Joined: Mon Jul 10, 2006 8:48 am
Location: London


Return to Mental wellbeing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests

cron