Why do I have periods self loathe and lying to myself?

For problems with mental or emotional well being.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Why do I have periods self loathe and lying to myself?

Postby georgedoors » Tue Mar 30, 2010 3:08 am

Most of my life I have lacked confidence, had low self esteem and have been massively shy and insecure about myself, I had a pretty rough child hood, never fitted in school, found it hard to maintain friendships, my father was heavy handed with me, on top of that my mother died of cancer when I was 18. I am 26 and never had a girlfriend.

Some people wonder why I am single and tell me I'm quite an attractive guy. I'm not looking to play the victim, in fact I have came along way since I was a teenager, from being virtually afraid to get the bus and not being able to even flirt and talk to girls. Now I have moved country traveled, have made out with several girls, however only slept with a few but have never really had a date or girlfriend, got a degree. I'm a lot more confident and outgoing than I was 5 year ago.

One of my annoying problems is although I am more positive these days, I still have periods of being incredibly down on myself, to the point of practically lying to myself, I tell myself I'm a loser, I'll never get a girlfriend, I'm stupid and ugly, even tho I have been complimented by plenty of girls. I'll ignore the things I've overcame and achieved. I have to snap myself out of it.

As I said I'm not looking to play the victim, I believe I can and have been turning my life around for the better.

I'd just like to have some insights into why I have these intense periods of self loathing, so I can put an end to it, so I can get on with my life.
georgedoors
Just Landed
Just Landed
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Sun Jan 11, 2009 2:43 pm

Re: Why do I have periods self loathe and lying to myself?

Postby ennis81 » Tue Mar 30, 2010 2:02 pm

Hey hun,

First off congratulations on becoming more positive in recent years, if you feel like this self loatheing comes only at certain times is there something that perhaps sets this off in you? Like a friend letting you down, or someone insulting you etc....

Do you maybe have some unresolved issues? you say your dad was quite heavy handed growing up and mum died when you were 18, how did you deal with this?
Are you close to your dad now? Do you still feel sad about your mum? I'm just trying to get a better picture of why you feel like this only sometimes, it doesn't sound like you are depressed as you said mostly you are a positive person who seems to have come a long way, with travelling and experiences with women, do you worry too much about the fact that you have never had a proper girlfriend?

If you are only feeling like this every so often it sounds more like you have certain issues buried in your heart and head and maybe could benefit from some counselling, I went for a few months before and found it great to talk to a stranger about some of my problems.
ennis81
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 150
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2008 9:51 am

Re: Why do I have periods self loathe and lying to myself?

Postby Bel Bel » Wed Mar 31, 2010 3:09 pm

I agree with ennis that it's likely you have unresolved issues even if they are subconcious and i think you would benefit from some conselling
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

Cheap Pandora Charms UK

User avatar
Bel Bel
Fully Fledged Flatmate
Fully Fledged Flatmate
 
Posts: 6758
Joined: Thu May 10, 2007 1:58 pm
Location: Hertfordshire
Gender: Female

Re: Why do I have periods self loathe and lying to myself?

Postby Peanut1977 » Mon Apr 05, 2010 9:10 am

Hiya, being someone who has been through the exact things you're describing, I can totally empathise with you. You feel you will never ever get over these feelings and it feels like a vicious circle; you spend all your energy trying to be positve and upbeat and then when you have those down times they are so intense and overwhelming you feel those 'up' periods are worthless and fake. You've been conditioned through absolutely no fault of your own to think this way. People are trained by their primary role models (usually their parents) to see themselves and their place in the world in particular ways. If you have been bought up to feel worthless or bad in some way through your dad being violent, this is how you will learn to view yourself into adulthood. I can't stress to you enough that these feelings can be 'unlearned' and you can learn new styles of thinking and viewing yourself. My whole life I thought I was worthless, unloveable and naturally shy and boring with nothing to say. Only through going to a good councellor and realising that these ways of thinking aren't normal, healthy or useful have I realised that I've been trained to think this way. I'm slowly unlearning these ways of thinking and am gradually starting to view myself in a different way. It's liberating and shocking when you realise that how you see yourself isn't necessarily true or real. I urge you to get some help, possibly from a CBT councellor who is trained specifically in rewiring your unhelpful thought patterns. Getting help does not mean you're crazy or weak, on the contrary. Your dad was WRONG to do what he did, regardless of his issues (and trust me he will have bucketloads himself) he was responsible for your wellbeing and yet he abused you and let you down. It's now your responsiblity to set yourself on the road to recovery and become the person you want to be. Best of luck to you x
Peanut1977
Regular Visitor
Regular Visitor
 
Posts: 24
Joined: Mon May 25, 2009 8:44 pm

Re: Why do I have periods self loathe and lying to myself?

Postby snail » Mon Apr 05, 2010 10:16 am

I agree 100% with every word you've written, Peanut. That's my experience too.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

Najwa Zebian
User avatar
snail
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4346
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:59 pm
Location: Your guess is as good as mine.
Gender: Female


Return to Mental wellbeing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests