Singledom! (Massive post)

For problems with mental or emotional well being.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Skarlet » Fri Apr 22, 2011 9:18 am

Hey B_c, I was wondering how everything was going with you. Shame that it didn't work but glad that it was more good then bad.

I was going to say I can't believe people would do that but sadly I can. I don't normally wish bad things on people but I hope one day they get humiliated. I couldn't date someone who thought it was alright to do that.

It sounds like a really good aim, to make lasting friendships, I wish you luck.

Skarlet
User avatar
Skarlet
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1082
Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2008 4:41 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby snail » Fri Apr 22, 2011 12:01 pm

How juvenile :x That's one that's definitely best binned!
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

Najwa Zebian
User avatar
snail
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4348
Joined: Sun Sep 02, 2007 8:59 pm
Location: Your guess is as good as mine.
Gender: Female

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Tue Apr 26, 2011 3:41 pm

I hear ya snail.

Right, slight update, which is that I went out with good buddies the other night, met a fella and went out with him the next night - Sunday - and I hereby decide to stop berating myself for going on dates when, I know within myself, that I'm not orchestrating it. You know it just doesn't mate sense to deliberately cut my prospects off at the knees in the name of self-preservation; I'm still doing everything I need to do for myself.

Basically I'm just gonna enjoy the fact that I seem to be able to attract guys. Wahey, go me. And if we go on a date, then it's just a date and that's that and it's OKAY and it doesn't make me needy. It only makes me needy if they treat me badly and I stick around, or if I continuously orchestrare meetups and things - which I never do.

Darn it I'm only young once, and when the curtain falls, what will I be thinking? a) I sure wish I went on less dates or b) I should've gone and done it and been there in the moment and learned from it all? Living small doesn't serve the world, so fine, if nice guy wants to take me out, I'm jus' gonna go with how I feel.

PS - for anyone reading this who's stuck in a rubbish situation with a guy right now, this is NOT encouragement to stay there. I'm talking about decent guys and good times. Nothing less!
User avatar
Tarantula
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 909
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:37 pm

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Tue May 03, 2011 4:01 pm

The thing is, that guy I met is 30 and has a five year old daughter. So I called it off with him after date 2. On the one hand, he'd done absolutely nothing wrong towards me and were it not for the child factor I would've carried on, thus my decision was based on external circumstances that did not (yet) personally affect me and I wondered if that was fair. On the other, a guy not doing anything wrong within two dates should be STANDARD and not counted as a major plus, and I'm only 20 and not ready to play step mum, even thouh he doesn't live with his child, if I got serious about him (which I was nowhere near to doing, but still, there can be no other outcome from continuous contact since I've written off anything casual right outta my dating constitution), it would inevitably cause complications later on. Not only that but he'll always have that connection with his ex, and I'm child-free, I deserve the chance to make it with someone who hasn't already made the biggest commitment you can make in life - which, in my book, is definitely to have a child by someone.

No settling, circumstantially or otherwise. He said he understood and respected my point of view, although would have liked to carry on. For me, it's a turned page.

I don't know if anyone remembers but I had been waiting on a university transfer into my second year, back home. They said they'd give me in a decision in May, well, ironically, yesterday I wrote to them withdrawing my application as I've decided to stop living in a mindset of 'the grass is always greener'. No more holding back on the present, because this moment is all we have. If I'm not willing to seize happiness and opportunities now, then when?

See I thought it'd all be so simple if only I was back in my hometown. I'd put my eggs very much in that basket. But the thing is, I'll have my collection of friends, adversaries and boys I kissed when I was drunk and now can't look in the eye - wherever I go, whether it's here or at home. Yes there'd be different people, but I'd still be the same me - or more or less the same - so I'd still attract the same 'types' of folks to me anyway.

So I decided not to go, to have clarity in knowing that I'm staying and to make the most of it. Only two years of uni left after all. The moral of the tale is this: don't put your life on hold waiting for some eventuality to occur - do whatever needs to be done NOW.
User avatar
Tarantula
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 909
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:37 pm

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby ILoveChristmas » Tue May 03, 2011 4:33 pm

Broken_Chord wrote:See I thought it'd all be so simple if only I was back in my hometown. I'd put my eggs very much in that basket. But the thing is, I'll have my collection of friends, adversaries and boys I kissed when I was drunk and now can't look in the eye - wherever I go, whether it's here or at home. Yes there'd be different people, but I'd still be the same me - or more or less the same - so I'd still attract the same 'types' of folks to me anyway.


Maybe, but whether there'd be people you couldn't look in the eye or whether you'd attract the wrong types back at home as well wasn't what was on your mind back in December last year when you brought up the subject of transferring, or rather when Rufio did (or at least, you didn't say it was).

Back then you said:

Broken_Chord wrote:It felt so good to be back in my hometown, and I made a quick recovery, probably from having way less stress to deal with. You know, all things considered, I wish I'd stayed here for uni. It's a good uni. All my friends are here - my real ones, the ones who're older, have jobs, homes, cars and don't draw penises on things. Even if I made absolutely no friends at uni I would still have them. I was at my best over the summer, with them and my brother and my happy life partying and gyming and partying. It could've carried on. I left because it seemed like the thing to do - move onto pastures new.


Back then it was all about your immature and upsetting flatmates. So what of them now? Has that all settled down or have you moved out and it's no longer a factor? At that point in your post I didn't think moving universities had anything to do with your relationship/involvement with men situation.
Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive. - Stephen Fry.

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. — Steve Furtick
User avatar
ILoveChristmas
Site Admin
Site Admin
 
Posts: 676
Joined: Tue Oct 21, 2008 4:24 pm
Location: Ayrshire, Scotland.
Gender: Male

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Tue May 03, 2011 11:01 pm

I wasn't referring to anyone specifically when I said about guys I kiss and can't look at again - what I meant by that was, wherever I go, I'll make friends, have people I don't get on with, have guy shennanigans - as in, it doesn't matter whether I'm here or there. As in, I should stop hoping that a change in external circumstances is gonna change everything else, in a 'I'd be happy IF' way.

Yeah no, no emphasis intended on that guy part really. Wasn't meant as a dramatic statement at all, seeing as I don't think I attract the 'wrong' people as such. Or, I haven't lately. I'm just getting on with it, yaknow. By 'types', I didn't just mean guys, I meant everyone. There'll be an equivalent for everyone I've met wherever I go, as it's not the place that's important. So I've realised that now.

Yeah, reading my last post again I can see why you thought that ILC. I didn't mean any of it in a depressive 'it's hopeless' way, because things are actually better than ever here!

As for my flatmates, most of them are still upsetting. Ironically, the one I got along with least - penis-draw boy - text me over Easter saying he didn't like the bad atmosphere between us, thought I was a nice person so when we get back could we watch some films together and just get along. So that should be happening soon, and even if it doesn't, it meant a lot that he said that. Anyway I've got a lovely studio flat sorted for next year, in a block of studio flats specifically for students - so it's gonna be like halls again, except we each get our own kitchen bits too.

So no my reasons for wanting to transfer at the time had nothing to do with fellas really. Hope that clears it up.

In other news... Why'd you delete me off Bookface? =; Haha.
User avatar
Tarantula
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 909
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:37 pm

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Wed Jun 15, 2011 11:43 pm

Ohhhh I see. Well, in that case, I totally understand your point of view and appreciate you telling it. :)

Hi everyone, thought I'd update you....

I think the last person I documented was Turkey, and that fell through after just two dates because it transpired that he has a child, and I decided it was out of my depth - as much as I don't want to judge someone for their past. I certainly don't think that children should ever be referred to as 'baggage' BUT it is an issue that I simply wouldn't have with the vast majority of other potential dates out there. We lead very different lives, so I told him that and it was fine and I still say hello if I see him.

Then about five weeks ago I was at a standard student party and met someone who's been rocking my world ever since. He asked me to be his girlfriend a few days ago and I agreed. I think the thing I like most about it is that we didn't rush anything - heck, we still haven't - yaknow. Normally I'd be cautious about that point but I really don't think it's gonna be an issue because the physical activity that has ensued has been brilliant. This is potentially the most authentic start to a new relationship I've ever had. Ha, forget potentially, it IS!

And I'm so happy! Everything's in balance, we haven't subsumed eachother's identities and we've so far kept our lives. We've met eachother's friends, it's all good. Never better.

And there's no circumstantial obstacles like a job abroad or a child. It's all systems go and I feel like every other difficult but for-the-longterm-good decision that I've made has been worth it. This is the proof of the pudding. This is the output. And yet I know that if it does go wrong I can always pick myself back up again.

The genuine article is indeed genuine, and I'll never settle - circumstantially or otherwise - ever again.

Thanks for reading! :D
User avatar
Tarantula
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 909
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:37 pm

Previous

Return to Mental wellbeing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests