Singledom! (Massive post)

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Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby rufio89 » Thu Jan 13, 2011 12:58 pm

Dont beat yourself up about it B_C, these things happen to all of us sometimes.

Just dont do it again!

Are you going to delete him off facebook now? Or are you just going to ignore him?
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Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Thu Jan 13, 2011 2:10 pm

Oh Rufio, I don't know!

I feel like I should just do what I was going to do in the first place: absolutely nothing. I was just gonna let him sit on my FB and when I'm back, maybe see him again IF I feel like it.

Then I saw that thing on his profile and got all peethed. The truth is though, he can do what he wants, this is more about my interpretation, and my need - although that's a difficult thing to admit. In a parallel life, I'm just sorta 'whatever' about it; I realise how far away April is and how none of this will really matter by then - probably. That's the best outlook.

My making of the announcement was an inadvertent attempt to control a situation that I don't really have control over. I find it really hard to sit back and do nothing, but that's the obstacle; I need to embrace simply doing nothing-ness.

He's probably not gonna end up being the next Relationship, but he does provide an opportunity for me to overcome my issues with being ambivalent. I get to practice NOT being in control, and maybe by that realising that nothing bad happens when I'm not in control. I know this sounds quite whoopty-woo and abstract.

He can stay on my FB/on the peritheals of my life. But for now I'm going to try my best and forget about him and the last month/my hometown as much as possible and deal with what IS the present reality: being at Uni, having a degree to worry about.

In any case I got my point across, I think that if I did see him again then he would take me a bit more seriously. I do think he cares, actually. He wouldn't've bothered responding with the elaborate spiels that he did if he didn't care whether he sees me or not; he would've just been indifferent. I think, all things considered, that he does - at this point in time - see some sort of relationship potential in me but isn't yet willing to give up his batchelor lifestyle and become all 'relationshippy'.

Which I wouldn't expect him to after just one date. Anyway his numerous efforts to salvage something with me does suggest that he cares, and maybe that's what's keeping me from striking him out entirely. For now at least.
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Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby RagDoll » Thu Jan 13, 2011 2:39 pm

Broken_Chord wrote: I get to practice NOT being in control, and maybe by that realising that nothing bad happens when I'm not in control. I know this sounds quite whoopty-woo and abstract.


I would argue that doing 'nothing' sometimes gives you more control (and would have done in this situtation). There is big element of control in chosing NOT to react when you feel like you'd like nothing better than to put someone straight. This is something I'm not very good at - sometimes I know the best thing to do would be to just walk away with my head held high and say nothing (which, without literally saying it, is actually telling the other person "up yours"), but actually doing that is harder than it sounds. You can't control situations, but what you can control is how you react to them.

It's a hard lesson to learn, but sometimes people really are bad eggs and no matter how much you point out the error of their ways, they'll never truly be able to comprehend it, or maybe more to the point, care.
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Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Thu Jan 13, 2011 3:14 pm

Thanks ragdoll. It's true that I always feel the need to communicate the problem when there is one - ironically this is meant to be an advantage, and is essential to a good relationship! But then again there are times when it really is best to leave it alone, and that's something I need to master.

And yep, I've definitely met a few people like that. It always really upsets me when, no matter how I reiterate my point of view, no matter how much I use my skill in English to cater my phrasing so that they can possibly understand me; it doesn't help. Those time really, really frustrate me because all I want is to be ACKNOWLEDGED. Is for the other person to go 'I understand! I get the concept!'

In hindsight, those moments have been more about the other person's WILLINGNESS to really listen, than my ability to convey. Anyway as I say, in this case, it would appear evident that he does kinda care - as much as someone could possible care after just one date - so that's why I think it's worth NOT closing the door at this PRECISE moment in time.

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Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby LME79 » Sat Jan 15, 2011 1:55 pm

Hi, B_C. I'm off out in a sec so can't write anything comprehensive just yet but I have noticed that you've said things like "the next Relationship" and things about meeting somebody else quite a few times. What I would do for now is take a breather from all of this. Don't think about meeting someone, whether it be barman, AB or Other. Concentrate on yourself, your studies and have fun with your friends. Sounds SOOOO clichéd but you are still young - enjoy yourself and try not to let issues such as this drag you down. You're obviously an articulate and intelligent young lady with a lot going for her ... celebrate you.
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Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Sat Jan 15, 2011 2:09 pm

Thanks LME! I know what you're saying. Although I'm not being a chaser. When I go out with my friends of a weekend, guys can and do occur and that's mainly where the dates come from. When I'm NOT in that zone, however, I am doing other stuff/generally living my life.

This thread is just focused on the guy element of what's occurring. I find that writing it all out really helps me to frame it and make better decisions (with a little nudge from you guys as and when!).
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Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Sun Jan 16, 2011 4:40 am

Oh dear. I just got back from a student party at the student venue on campus and it was full of students.

There is a guy I like. Guess what? He's the bar tender. Here we go.

Basically he's always around, serves me hot chucklets when I go in during the day, quite polite and nice to talk to, which is probably him just doing his job. Seems happy to see me whenever I'm there. He was working the party tonight, and I hadn't seen him since before Christmas. His colleague and friend, who is also a member of the bar staff, was not. He was inthe party with the rest of us students, and I got talking to him.

Before I knew it the friend had dragged me over to barguy (not to be confused with barman) and declared that I fancied him. Cringe! It was a bit secondary school I thought, yaknow, the intervention of third party 'my friend fancies you' and all this. But I suppose that's one way to find out; it was quite obviously a genuine shocker for me, no way it was staged.

The friend said that I should give barguy my number. Barguy never asked for it. So you know what I said, I said, no, he has to ask. He's the man, man make first move. I know this is controversial, but as much as the so-called 'morality' behind it could be debated all night, the point is that there exists this stereotype and men are as aware of that as everyone else. They know that the onus is kinda on them; they may not like it but it is the truth. I, personally, in my quest to NOT settle, would require a guy to ask for my number/details/whatever; to take that risk. Otherwise I'd always be looking back, wondering if they were into me enough to have ever taken the all-important first step.

Well I call it the 'first' step, but arguably there are any number of steps before that - for example, me asking the friend what barguy's name was. By doing that, and the events that followed, it became quite clear that I am interested. As far as I'm concerned, that's my bit done. I don't expect a fella to manifest the guts to ask a girl out entirely off the cuff, with no reassurance whatsoever that she even likes him - BUT once I've made it abundantly obvious, yes, I do leave the decision making up to them. It's up to barguy what he wants to do with that information.

The friend did not appreciate my point of view one bit. This is someone who I barely know at all, who was clearly quite drunk - as was I. He has no idea who I am or why my beliefs are as they are. To be honest, he probably wrote me off as some stuck up girl who thinks that guys should fall around at her feet - which is not the case at all. He kept telling me to make a move/basically engage things with barguy, and I kept refusing. After a few times I declared that no, I'm not doing it, he (barguy) is the sperm, I'm the egg, he's gotta put his man bits on the line or it simply won't go anywhere.

That did not go down well. In fact the friend refused to speak to me for the rest of the night, said that it was the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard in his life, and that if I was going to 'be like that' then he doesn't want me involved with his mate anyway. Yes I was blunt, but I stand by what I said. I'm a she, he's the he, and that's that. He knows I like him, now I step back and see what happens. Yes I said the word 'sperm'. Ewwww, yucky. But I think that the friend might want to be realistic in how capable he is of contradicting the primordial impulses that drive all of human nature. I'm just sayin'. And as a side note, I've always found that more confident, attuned males basically accept it. Some traditions are born of time and last through the ages for a reason.

I was, nonetheless, horror-struck. The friend had suggested that barguy had even talked about me before, and that he liked me too; it was going so well. Then all of a sudden, I'm made out to be this horrible person and it really hurt my feelings a lot because I know how far away that is from the truth. No one likes to be unfairly convicted, and this guy seemed to really detest me. I tried several times to talk to him again but he didn't wanna know, or even hear me out at all. I would've conceded so far as to say that my phrasing was unneccessarily crude, but that's about it. It doesn't make me the demon that the guy seemed to think I was. And of course the fact that he is barguy's friend mortified me.

So I spoke to barguy instead. I went to the bar to get a drink and came out with it: 'your friend seems to really hate me because of something that I said that has been blown way out of proportion.' Barguy said not to worry about it, and seemed to find it funny. I was terrified. That was the last time I spoke to him.

Who knows what's going to occur the next time I go in there. #-o
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Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Mon Jan 17, 2011 2:44 pm

Ok, so, I'm back in the light of day now. At present my attitude is simply 'I'll go to the pub when I would normally go anyway', which could be this week or next week or the week after. This is a result of me not being overly bothered either way, for a change; I mean I care and I would be delighted if he asked for my number or something, buuuuut... I dunno, I don't wanna go in there just for him. At the same time, how can he ask me out if I don't go in at all?

I have it pencilled in that I'll just say 'hi (insert name), can I have a hot chucklet please?' Thus demonstrating that I know his name, as a result of the other night. If he doesn't ask for mine or strike up conversation then I'll assume it's a no show.

As for his friend. If he mentions the other night at all, I will have to give him an army's earful, I really didn't deserve to be spoken to like that.

I'm expecting ambivalence all round.
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Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Mon Jan 24, 2011 12:07 am

My expectations were correct, and I don't care one bit. I sense that he probably does like me but is a bit limp and shy about it all, and I can't deal.

Right, significant events have occurred in the dating spectrum of B_C. I went out Thursday night, caught this guy's eye across the bar. Moved onto a different club, and ran into him there.

He shall be known as RR. He's 23, Virgo, a miner who works in the Congo. The Congo! He's also Irish. Irish! He was back visiting some old uni friends for a few days, and was shceduled to fly the next morning.

He missed his flight and took me out instead. We had a wonderful time, on Friday night. I think he must be loaded, to arbitrarily miss flights - at the same time I'm flattered that it was for me, or at the very least, that I was the deciding factor. I even ended up meeting some of his friends (and he mine) 'cos absolutely everyone seemed to be out. His friends seemed really sound, nice people. We also ran into another friend of his, who said I was in 'good hands'. I'd have to agree there.

When we left at about 1am, he asked to come back with me and I gambled and let him. Not normaly procedure at all as you know... But it had been nearly six months and he seemed so sincere and he was due to be leaving soon anyway; I didn't wanna be apart from him so we went back to mine. And had sex. And then cuddled pretty much all night. In the morning he left, but not before planning to take me out for dinner that evening.

So we went out for dinner Saturday evening. Got along great. He's had some pretty interesting experiences doing his mining thing abroad, and seems like a well-developed individual. I dunno, he's not my usual 'type'; normally I seem to end up dating swanky, sophisticated guys with cut throat banter and an addiction to being inconsistent. But RR is more of a 'rough and ready' 'type' - the kinda guy who would vehemently stick up for me if anyone gave me trouble, but not a 'thug'; sharp minded, and a traditionalist.

And you know I'm all about the oldschool. I had it in my head that if I EVER slept with a guy really early, he'd just go off me. Just like that. Just like Brazil, who still keeps wanting to see me again, probably because I still refuse. But it turns out that it doesn't necessarily have to be like that. It ain't advisable conduct, however these are pretty exceptional circumstances and, oh what the heck, I wanted him. There I said it. Sue me, oh great Dating Gods of all the Rules and Regs of how not to lose a guy's attention. I went against my own constitution and nothing bad happened. In fact everything good happened: we spent the weekend together and it was all very romantic actually. Change is good.

He's got the whole 'protect and provide' thing down to a tee. And there's just no bad juju with him; no arbitrarily waiting hours to respond to texts, no falsification of feelings, no bull. Just direct, 'I'll look after you' loving. He said, in drunken glory when I met him on the Thursday night, that I wouldn't meet another like him; that he was the closest guy to Indiana Jones, that he doesn't mess about. And I'd have to agree with all of that so far. I get where he's coming from: he spends eight weeks in a remote mine in Africa to two weeks here; his dating prospects must be thin on the ground so when he meets someone, he just has no time to play games. And I like it. I like him. I gather that he wants to have some girl tucked away who'll be waiting for him when he gets back...

... And that COULD be me. I think he has mountains to offer, not just being rich. He treated me like a Queen all round. We woke up together today, and he was talking about how his miner friends manage to hold down girlfriends and he seemed to be inferring something. He asked what I thought, so I told him, that insomuch as he has treated me better than I've possibly ever been treated by a guy on first instance, it still has only been three days and neither of us could rule out the possibility of not regretting a rush. He said we'd see eachother again this evening for the last time before he flies -

but he called at 6 to say that he was SO knackered after being out drinking every night and not sleeping that much (round mine, hah!), and his flight is at 8am tomorrow so, although he was really sorry and wanted to see me again, he'd have to give it a miss, even though he knows it sounds like a poor excuse. He said he'd keep in touch and message me tomorrow when he's back in Ireland.

And I thought, that's fine. I would've loved to see him again too, but, I'm not gonna throw a wobbly about this; he's given me enough as it is. He missed a flight already to see me, and it sounded totally genuine; he just wouldn't bother calling and being that elaborate if he was messing about - and that would be against all that I'd gleaned from his character so far. So I didn't get angry, but I was disappointed. I'm going to miss him, I know it.

He's next back in March and we've left it open-ended; that is, we will see eachother again UNLESS either of us meets someone else. But I doubt he will, because he's only in Ireland for a week before going back to remote land, and even then he said he'd feel shallow just moving onto someone else, just like that. I feel the same. I mean I can't rule it out, who knows who could be around the corner, but it's so unlikely that I'll meet someone better in the next six weeks.

In fact if I still feel the way I do now (remember Barman), he could be the guy who supplants my single status at last!

I know it would be a sacrifice but what rush am I in to get with someone? None. I'm just enjoying my life right now, going with the flow - I've been doing that for nearly a year. Now somethin' that seems really good has come my way and a part of me is thinking I'd be an eejit to not grab it. He's stationed in Africa for a couple of years, and was talking about seeing me in my hometown, booking out a nice hotel for the two of us, going to London, going on holiday... I'm not a goldigga, but oh, to be spoiled by a man rather than accepting scraps!

AB has been talking to me loads since he found out about RR from my statuses. What a predictable change in behaviour. I liked him too, but he had his chance with me and blew it. Yes, yes he did. Still, I'd genuinely like to be friends with the guy because I think that when he's not being a batchelor, he's a good guy to have on my team.

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Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Tue Jan 25, 2011 9:54 pm

Ok, take my last post, and use it when you run out of bog roll next. Too good to be true.

I added RR on bookface, and discovered a status documenting the antics of his night out on the town on Sunday. That is to say, the evening where we were gonna go out for the last time before he left.

Ok, first things first: he can do what he wants. But I can do what I want too, and what I want to do right now is put the thing to rest. From what I could tell, he got whammed, missed his flight again and I haven't heard from him since that phone call, although he has now accepted my add (which I immediately wanted to retract). He did say he would message me yesterday, never did.

I feel like I should have known better. What was I thinking? THIS is why I live by rules usually, this right here. 'Cos I feel like he sold me down the river, and all day yesterday I just felt terribly used. It's the cliche story: I met someone, I slept with him too quickly, he vanished.

When I hear these stories from someone else I'm normally the first to raise the controversial point that it's cause and effect; we can talk about how much of an awful character he supposedly is all night, but I CHOSE to sleep with him before I had taken the time to figure that out. But what time was there?

See as much as I genuinely do accept responsibility for my choices, including this one... My decision-making was naive at worst. But I never hurt anybody. I was sincere. Morally speaking I've done nothing to deserve being left high and dry. HE, on the other hand, concocted this big song-and-dance with me, even inferred that I could be his girlfriend! Why bother with all that? If it's just sex, then let it BE just sex. There's no need to draw me in with all the sweet talk. They're just lies at the end of the day. No one can blame me for having expectations (i.e. that I'd hear from him again when he stipulated) when he's handing out oral contracts left right and centre. I'm not wrong to expect sincerity. I'm just naive to assume it.

Well, I vented last night. I put on some music and cried it out, break-up style. But it wasn't just RR that I was letting go of; it was AB and barman too. Still. It's like a running total; an accumulative record of minor heartbreaks all rolled into one until they constitute one major heartbreak.

Why didn't barman tell me that he had met someone else when he knew I was waiting for him?
Why didn't AB just tell me that we weren't gonna meet up that day, instead of waiting for me to figure it out?
Why did RR bother making me feel like he really liked me, even post-coitally, if he was only gonna disappear?

It doesn't make sense. When I'm not interested in someone, I let them know. I don't leave them dangling like a tit in the breeze. And I let them know by saying 'I'm not feeling it.' Straight down to business, I don't falsify at all. Don't get me wrong, of course I'd feel rejected if they just told the fundamental, eminent truth: I'm not that into you. BUT I'd appreciate the honesty and could move on without having anything added to my already colossal mountain of distrust and sense of betrayal.

Oh, and on distrust: I did start to take RR seriously. What can I say? He really did sweep me off my feet, now I've crashed down to the ground. He was nice to me, he seemed to mean it, and I hadn't slept with anyone for so long that emotional attachment was inevitable - so sue me. I believed him, and now I feel like such an idiot.

How could I let this happen? How did he slip through the net, the 'I've spent nearly a year building myself up to avoid ever having to feel like this' net?

Never again. I am never sleeping with someone who I don't know that well ever again... UNLESS it really is just sex and everybody knows it and there's been no inferences of anything more. I don't think I can be slated for giving it up too soon when, if he was being genuine, this wouldn't've happened.

BUT yes, it was naive of me. I really acted my age, for ONCE. I surrendered to the moment, and look what happened?

If anyone ever criticises me for being too guarded, I'll tell them where to shove it. My rules are there for a reason. AB said I live by too many rules, and my friends say I'm 'too independent' and 'need to give guys a chance'. Well I do, and it doesn't pay off! I just end up disappointed and, in this case, gilted.

It's so hard for me to compete. :( It's so hard for me sometimes to come across as an ordinary girl who doesn't have to re-evaluate herself at every downfall. I come from a severely dysfunctional and abusive background, and it's like a debt that's been passed onto me. I have to pay it off - I have to close the gap of dysfunction left behind by my parents, because if I do not... The next generation will pick up the tab. And I can't let that happen. I know I've done so well to even have my outlook, and to have generally healthy behaviour patterns, but there are times - like now - where I feel like I've hit my limit, and can't do any better. It's hard sometimes, and now that I feel effectively walked all over by RR, I almost wanna disclose everything, by way of 'if you must hit and run, if you must be insincere, if you must mess somebody around... Let it be someone other than me.' Find someone for whom every dating procedure isn't a constant battle between healthy desire and unhealthy need because they didn't have their self esteem violently stolen from them from a young age, by the one man in the world they were meant to be able to trust.

When I joked that I was smarter because I used better English than RR, he said that, as an Irishman, the English language 'didn't sit well with his soul'. I just wonder if his actions would if he saw them from my perspective as an incest survivor.

... But the responsibility is mine and all I can do is do it better next time.
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Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Fri Jan 28, 2011 1:48 pm

Well. The wheel never stops turning.

In hindsight it is possible that I potentially, hypothetically, surreptitiously-speaking... Blew it out of proportion in my head. I'm not saying I did! I'm just saying, that there exists a theoretical hypothetical parallel life where I overreacted.

So I deleted RR off my FB yesterday. He added me again. I accepted, wondering why he was bothering. Then I immediately deleted him again, deciding I didn't care (oh who was I tryna kid PP). He added me. I rejected. He added me. I accepted.

Then we talked. And I mean talked - an IM chat got it off the ground, but then he called me from Ireland and basically, it's all sorted now. Phew!

I mean it makes every difference that he DID get back to me, that he DIDN'T leave me high and dry as I originally thought. He knew I was mad at him though, and said that he wished he'd seen me on the Sunday as was originally planned rather than steadily drinking with his mates until he ended up out again. He also said that he misses me, cares about me and didn't mean to upset me. 'It's not the worst thing in the world, is it? I missed a flight for you! I wanted to spend the day on Sunday taking you out shopping, didn't I treat you well?'

Okay. YES he should have called when he said he would; that is Monday, not Thursday. But that's about the worst of it, is it enough to nullify all the good things? Not just as he outlined above, but picking me up and taking me out for dinner, 'showing me off' to his friends, suggesting that I could be his girlfriend..? I thought that none of that mattered when he didn't call because I assumed that, if he wasn't calling when he said he would, then he wasn't gonna call at all.

Seriously though, who misses a flight? My friends all think that's pretty impressive and, well, romantic stuff. I mean, it can't just be about sex, can it? Sex is nice, we like it. Men like it. Everyone likes it. But surely there's some LIMIT as to how far even an allegedly primal and adjusted man will go, for it. And a man like RR has options, if it was just sex he was after, he could get it elsewhere with much less effort.

So I guess all is forgiven and I'll try not to worry so much next time. I live to be hit-and-runned on another day!

Oh, and RR said that he MAY see if he can make a detour to see me next week before flying back to Africa. Going out of his way again.
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Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby RagDoll » Fri Jan 28, 2011 2:46 pm

Be careful BC. Didn't you say he also missed his flight on Sunday because he was out getting wrecked??? I don't mean to p**s on your parade or anything, but it sounds like he's willing to miss flights for a number of reasons. Not something most of us would do, but clearly he doesn't take flight bookings too seriously!

I am not saying write him off, just don't get too sucked in until you really know him.
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Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby snail » Fri Jan 28, 2011 3:19 pm

Broken_Chord wrote:Sex is nice, we like it. Men like it. Everyone likes it. But surely there's some LIMIT as to how far even an allegedly primal and adjusted man will go, for it. And a man like RR has options, if it was just sex he was after, he could get it elsewhere with much less effort.

It can be just as much about ego as sex, though. If you are an intelligent, attractive, and feisty woman who is a real catch, a man can go to a lot of effort to conquer you (whether that be by having sex with you, or by getting you to say "I love you" or whatever) just so he can notch you up and feel good about himself. I've had blokes go to extraordinary lengths to woo me, but found to my surprise that that didn't always mean they actually cared about me. Just a thought to bear in mind.
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Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Fri Jan 28, 2011 5:46 pm

Alright guys. Yeah, I mean it's all about perspective. He did say that he was considering missing that flight, but meeting me was definitely the deciding factor. So it wasn't JUST for me, and I take no offense to that at all! Also he does seem to be really very well off. So it doesn't matter as much to him as it may to other people; wouldn't be as much of a sacrifice. I'm just flattered that I was factored into the equation.

On being careful. It's kinda difficult to be careful at this stage. When sex gets involved, caution must fly out of the window. To some degree I trust that he won't just abandon me; I mean I thought he had done that, but he didn't. Either way, the thing that felt quite devastating to me was that there appeared to be no ambiuity whatsoever; that is, a clear and direct gilting. But now that he's got back in contact - heck, even if I never heard from him again from now, I'd feel better about it than how I did feel earlier this week. Does that make sense? It' because it's not a clear cut hit and run. It's not murder; would only be manslaughter. Much easier to come back from.

Basically I feel that I've retrieved some of my 'power' back again; he was holding all the chips before he called, now it's back onto more even footing. And because he hasn't said when he's next going to contact me, I have no benchmark; no time limit, and no waiting period. I'm just gonna get on with it now, and if he shows up again in my life then great. If not, then it was a fun side quest of a weekend but that's about it.

I'm in a much stronger position now.
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Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Wed Feb 02, 2011 10:58 pm

RR detoured back here to see me last night. It was lovely. I beat him at chess and we ordered in Chinese and talked a lot more.

I'm really thinking about getting with this person now. Well not now. I mean I'm thinking about it now, to act on later. We had another talk about where we are and agreed, again, to play it by ear. He's next back in March for an alumni dinner, really formal event, which he's gonna try and get me to (the deadline for tickets happened before he met me, and he told 'em he wasn't bringing anyone). We also talked about me possibly flying over to Africa to see him in April.

But I think I'd need to be with him properly before I do that. I mean I don't want this to downgrade to a casual thing, because I don't do casual things. Yes the sex happened very soon, but we get along great as people too and it was always meant to be progressive. If our meetup next month goes as well as they all have so far, then I'm gonna tell him (if it is still the case) that I'm willing to not see anyone else if he is. Incidentally I have a trip home, many parties and coffee with AB between then and now, which I think is good. Would you prefer that someone wanted you because they'd decided that you were the best of the bunch they'd met or because they had no other options? I'm not locking it down just yet, but I think it unlikely that I'll meet someone I want more.

Yeah the 8-weeks-away-and-2-weeks-here thing is a big disadvantage, yet it also comes with advantages. Such as me having ample time to make the most of other areas of my life while he's away. Such as us not really being around each other often enough to fight/have drama. Such as us really valueing the time that we would get. And I've decided that getting to be with him properly would be the best advantage of all.

Yeah I'm pretty well decided, SUBJECT to the vaguest possibility of me meeting someone else in the next six weeks. It's ironic, because he isn't my usual 'type' at all. He's an Irish jack-the-lad, yaknow, fiesty and tough-like. He's got status but he's not conceited about it. He's as direct as I am, which is pretty much the only similarity we have. He said that we were like yin and yang, and that's something I'd never say. I'd just sit there and think it.

Nothing to do now but get on with it 'til March.
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Tarantula
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