Singledom! (Massive post)

For problems with mental or emotional well being.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby RagDoll » Fri Feb 04, 2011 11:57 am

Sounds like it's going pretty well BC. Best of luck with it all :)
We don’t see things the way they are; we see things the way we are
User avatar
RagDoll
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2101
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2008 10:57 am
Location: North East England
Gender: Female

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby rufio89 » Fri Feb 04, 2011 12:09 pm

Yes, good luck to you B_C.

and obviously you will because you're a smart lady, but just keep your eyes open and be careful! :)
rufio89
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2565
Joined: Mon Aug 04, 2008 1:05 pm
Location: Nottingham
Gender: Female

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Sat Feb 05, 2011 7:30 pm

Oh. It's all changed again.

See I'm back home for the weekend to surprise a friend for her birthday. I did that last night, in a bar in town where my friends were. It went down well. Um, they hadn't planned on going out after a few drinks in the bar, but I knew that I'd want to go OUT out after, so I contacted the only person I knew who might be out that night to see if I could tag.

AB's friends were going somewhere that he didn't want to, so twenty texts later he was out with me at my favourite bar - THE bar, although brman wasn't there. It was a bit surreal. I failed to mention to AB that I was in fact out with my brother and a best friend.

'Your brother's here?'
'Yeah, come on, let's go meet him!'

...

AB is so darn charming. Everyone likes him. Even my brother liked him, and he normally gives 'em hell. They stood talking, AB and my brother, for ages and I dunno why, I just felt so happy about it. My rapport with AB was flirty, kind and warm as usual. We've talked a lot on FB in the last five weeks, but the last he had known of my dating situation was that Ireland had NOT called. I filled him in, when he asked. And we drank and drank and drank.

I ended up home with him. I know. I know. BUT. Nothing happened! Well I let him kiss me eventually, after much protestations of the 'you didn't see me when you said you would before' kind. And we cuddled and he made a half-assed effort to seduce me but he totally respected my boundaries and we fell asleep together and it was really, really nice. I woke up with him this morning and felt like an Empress. I was so proud that I didn't sleep WITH him, I mean, that would've been a dumb move. And if I'm totally honest it's a move I would've made if he'd been persistent enough.

But it's like he knew my heart wasn't really in it and he wasn't out for what he could get. I dunno, it's like he respects me or something, and maybe he also didn't wanna muff things up. I would've done it, regretted it and maybe not seen him again out of awkwardness.

Look PP. RR is a good guy who's treated me well. I mean there are things that put me off to varying degrees, for example saying that my friend was hot too often, and the fact that he does class A drugs sometimes. As in, three times in the last year, which ain't a whole lot but it's not my scene. I mean I coulda dealt with it. But then it would be long distance. And all the rest of it.

The truth is I like AB more. We've got more common ground, and when we're together we click. There's real chemistry, at least from my point of view. He was amazing with my brother, and I can't even say how much it meant to me that he wasn't persistent with sex. It's like he knew everything. All the dynamics. And he did mess me about before, but that doesn't matter now, in light of last night. I looked at the floor when he and my brother were talking. They were both wearing K-Swiss shoes, he must be the one. He's back in the scene and has blown RR out of the water.

I just gotta be real with myself. AB's the one I want more. And I don't think there's any coming back from that - whilst by rights I'm single and therefore allowed to do as I please, feeling this way about someone else doesn't sit well with my soul for as long as RR is flying about for me. Going to such great lengths. It's not like RR's some guy down the street who I'm having dinners with every week; he deserves fullest sincerity. So that's what he's gonna get when I tell him that I guess it can't really go further with him. Not genuinely.

I spoke to AB just now and I basically told him the content of this post. Normally I wouldn't, because the rules say no. But I had to say something, I had to let him know that I've decided to discount RR, and not so that he'd reassure me; just so he'd know where he was with me. Fair right? I said that, in light of that, it would be cool to date him again sometime and not just drunkenly hook up. So he agreed with me. And I'm next home in April.

You gotta go for what you want in life. Sometimes - but not often, and only when you're totally at one with yourself - you gotta say 'to hell with the rules' and just DO. AB's top of the list. And tonight I'm out again, back to my bar.

Wonder if barman's working. Hahaha.
User avatar
Tarantula
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 900
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:37 pm

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Wed Feb 09, 2011 10:14 pm

As I type this, I'm absolutely itching to go on FB. But I'm not going to until I'm done here, and even then, it will be brief. A quick status update, then I'm off.

PP I feel I've fallen into a bit of a rut. It's hard to explain. I feel like, okay yes, I've stayed single for very nearly a full year now, grand. I haven't settled and I haven't compromised on who I'm with or what I want. I've had several adventures and it's been a bit wild and unpredictable, occasionally heartbreaking but altogether good fun.

But now I just feel drained from it all. I dunno. There's only so many cycles of ongoing hope, excitement and then disappointment I can take before I just gotta step back and re-assess where I'm going with this. I haven't stopped thinking about the AB/RR goings-on since I came back to campus on monday from my hometown. I've lost the focus again. Suddenly it's all about someone else. And no Sir, I don't like it.

Since RR I feel I have lost the momentum of growing personal power that I had been experiencing. I think it's because I slept with him. The seal has been broken (giggidy). Maybe I shouldn't place so much significance on it, but I told myself after Brazil that the next person I would sleep with would be my next boyfriend. My next real thing. But it wasn't, and now I feel like I've somehow cheated myself.

I mean if RR wasn't Africa-based, if he was here, I'd probably get with him. And I feel shallow because I've let circumstance get in the way - what of real chemistry, romance, love? What would Shakespeare say? What about 'ain't no mountain high enough'? I guess I just wasn't that into him. So why did I give up my five-month celibacy? Then, before I know it, I'm in bed with AB and okay, nothing happened, but it very easily could've done and I fear he knows that and has probably judged me accordingly. How did I go from a solid five months of 'if you want me, you're gonna have to work for it' to sleeping with a guy on the first date and then bedding someone else a week later? I feel... Cheap. Out of control. Like I've let myself and my constitution down.

Maybe I should just forgive myself, put it down to experience and carry on. But now I don't know whose team I'm on; RR treated me better than AB, so why in the heck did I give up RR for AB, when AB, I sense, doesn't really care about me..? I dunno what to make of AB. I mean it's all such early days and from his point of view, I'm at uni. He probably sees me the same way that I see RR: likes me well enough, but the anus of circumstance prevails.

I'm going back in April, and then I'm only back on campus for one week of revision lectures in May, then study leave until exams in June, then I'm on the uber summer break until October. If my transfer is successful, I'll be back for good. But I'm not gonna know until May, they've told me. So I don't know where I am, a lot is hanging on that transfer. I should've kept AB on the backburner until I knew for sure whether we'd ever be on even circumstantial footing. But, no, I got drunk and nearly gave up the goods. He probably won't want to be with me now anyway. :(

I find myself leaving my FB on just in case AB hails me, which he rarely does and hasn't once since my drunken misdemeanor. I hailed him once and it was a pleasant enough conversation until he just stopped replying. I sense that I am just a far-out commodity to him; he's got options. I don't like feeling like a commodity. In fact I wonder if AB isn't more hassle than he's worth. I mean when we're together it's fantastic and I feel real compatibility; but he doesn't to-and-through, I don't think he's that into me. But again, I won't know for sure until April. I don't wanna chase, he knows I want to date him, it's up to him to plan it.

And the whole time I'm thinking, at what point did it come to this? I was the one with options all through summer; if it didn't work out with one guy I pretty much had it in the bag that I could go out the following weekend and meet someone else. Then I moved to uni and it is shocking how poor the prospects are here - excepting RR of course.

But maybe it's what I need right now. Maybe I should withdraw from now until my return in April. And just be good to myself and not care about what AB's doing, or if I have options. This is gonna be the last chance I have to 'hibernate' until Spring, and from Spring I want to be on it. Getting out there, partying, having fun, and yeah, meeting guys. Maybe I should just close shop until then.

'Cos as I say I'm feeling knocked off my post a little, and it's probably best that I withdraw myself from the dating scene until I've recovered. I'm back to reading 'women who love too much' and taking it very easy indeed.

Worried I've blown it with AB. Next time I meet someone I feel compatible with, I'm gonna do it right.
User avatar
Tarantula
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 900
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:37 pm

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby RagDoll » Fri Feb 11, 2011 3:28 pm

Broken_Chord wrote: I'm in bed with AB and okay, nothing happened, but it very easily could've done and I fear he knows that and has probably judged me accordingly.


I think you're giving yourself an unneccessarily hard time over this - you slept in the same bed, so what? You didn't actually sleep with him so what judgement could he have reached other than despite having had a drink, you didn't let him get his wicked way!!
We don’t see things the way they are; we see things the way we are
User avatar
RagDoll
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2101
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2008 10:57 am
Location: North East England
Gender: Female

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Fri Feb 11, 2011 3:59 pm

But isn't the mystery gone now? He knows what I look like first thing in the morning when I wake up in HIS clothes.

No we didn't do anything more than kiss and cuddle a bit. No he hasn't seen me nekkid. But. It wasn't even a date, it was a drunken hook up and I wanted to maintain this air of classiness and 'you're gonna have to treat me properly'-ness. What has he done to deserve it?

I dunno. How is there still a chase when he knows that he can just wait for me to get drunk and I'll probably come home with him anyway? I mean I'm never gonna do that again.. But HE doesn't know that... YET.

The next time I see him I'll be cool as a cucumber, believe. But what if there won't be a next time because he'll have written me off and lost interest? What if he just thinks I'm a bit of a cop out?

... Basically I'm expecting AB to not really bother with me when I'm back in April.
User avatar
Tarantula
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 900
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:37 pm

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Mon Feb 14, 2011 2:39 pm

Roll up roll up, it’s time for a B_C Valentine special. Grab a coffee, because I’m killing time waiting for Asda home delivery and you know how long they can take.

Relationships seem to cause more hassle than they’re worth. I mean just look at the number of posts in the relevant section on this site, compared to the number of posts in other sections, for evidence that suggests that we’re all just chasing a mirage.

Well, not all. Some of us – of you – are genuinely, authentically happy and fulfilled by the person you’re with today, and that’s great. Others have settled out of low self-esteem and aren’t ready to admit it yet. As for the rest of us, it’s the ongoing drama of the dating treadmill.

I’m happy to say that I’ve been single for nearly a year now. I mean I’ve dated plenty of guys – never for more than about two weeks – but I haven’t loved. It sounds crazy, but I think the closest I came to loving someone – and this shows just how away I was – was with... Yep, you guessed it. Barman. But that was a big pile of fail as you know. A big ol’ fantasy that got outta hand. Although, I’m not dead yet and niether’s he. I’m jus’ sayin’.

It’s been the best year of my life. I went from settling to a ridiculous degree and needing someone so badly just because they EXISTED, even if they didn’t really have much to offer other than that, even if I secretly found them very unattractive physically, even if I had to engineer the whole thing and it was mad and it was warped and it was wrong... I went from that to where I am now. Alone. But HAPPY.

I just took the plunge a year ago. I’d always needed a boyfriend, anyone, anyone. Anyone who at least wouldn’t leave/abandon me. Old faithful, the safe bet. The ugliest people I encountered. Some of them had hygiene issues – great – all the less likely that anyone but me would want to be with them. I could be their shining star, and they wouldn’t dream of leaving me. So I would always have someone.

But the comfortableness of security gave way to the outrage of over-compromise. Everyone could sense what was going on. I was settling because I had every reason to: parents had never been there, at least this guy would be. You’d see us walking down the street and, as ya do, make a summary judgement of who’s ‘done better’. The ‘how did he manage that’ dynamic, well with us it’d be, ‘that’s just unnatural.’ Repressed frustration grew and grew all through my teenage years, from 13-19 until last year I decided to face my demons head on and go it alone.

It was terrifying and I didn’t know what to do with the sense of emptiness at having no one to change and no one to control and all this time to not speculate and worry about someone else. No drama. Just a clean slate. But it was amazing how quickly the universe seemed to jump in to help me; Spring had sprung and I started going to the gym in earnest and sorting out my diet. Cooking for myself helped me to feel good. I also focused on maintaining and nurturing my friendships rather than a relationship. I started to go out a lot, and when Malta took an interest in me in May, it suddenly occurred to me just how much I’d been selling myself short.

The story from there is documented here, but my point is this: be honest with yourself. If you are with someone and you’re not happy, end it. Walk away. Life’s too short. Just get back to loving yourself and let him get on with his own life and problems. Never try to control or change a man. If you can’t accept him for precisely who he is, flaws ‘n’ all, it’s not worth it. It’s not worth the ongoing hassle and torment of feeling the ground fall away beneath your feet as the truth that you deep down know anyway emerges: that the emotional investment you made is not going to pay off. If you’re scared of being alone then that’s exactly what you need to do. You’ll never discover greater freedom and personal power until you face your fears head on.

Now I’m in a position where I get to choose. I get to decide if a guy works for me or if he doesn’t. A few times it hasn’t been a choice; I would’ve dated barman if I could have. But basically, when a guy has started to make me feel rubbish, I’ve pulled the plug. Sure I’ve second guessed, but the point is, I did it. I put my happiness first.

So on that note... I really don’t think I should bother with AB. I know I’ve gone round in circles. Let’s weigh it up. On the plus side, when we’ve spent time together it’s been nice. He’s clever and shares a common interest with me in the whole personal development bit. He’s a very engaging and charming person and makes you feel comfortable really easily. He met my brother and was brilliant with him. He makes you feel like you can trust him. But then his actions suggest otherwise. Looking at it objectively; when I first met him, on NYE/my birthday... He wouldn’t stop grabbing my backside even when I told him three times not to. He said he’d see me for the second date and then didn’t because he was too hungover – apparently. He lets conversations fizzle out on FB and generally doesn’t bother much.

Okay, we’ve only met up a couple of times. But am I mad? I thought that when you like someone, you bother to chat to them sometimes and don’t just stop replying abruptly. When you like someone, you stick to plans that you make with them, even if you are hungover or a little bit iffy. And when you like someone, you don’t treat them as a commodity.

Like I know he can put whatever he likes on his FB, but the fact that he’s quite open about his dating shenanigans when he knows I can see it suggests that he doesn’t care either way. Basically he’s in too much of a favourable supply-and-demand situation to value me, I’m just one of many. I know this is supposed to make me desire him even more, but I don’t wanna have to compete and prove myself. If he doesn’t value me now, I’m not sure I can be bothered. I used to think that this was another necessary hurdle – after all, I’m the one who needs to change, to right the wrong, to get ‘better’. I thought that learning to just deal with it and carry on trying to prove myself was the progressive model, but now I’m not so sure. Every weekend he’s got at least one new girl on FB, and I know he parties every weekend like a lot of people, so I basically join the dots and he’s makin’ the rounds. Good for him, but we’re after different things I feel. He’s just not that into me. I’m a bit of alright, but I’m never gonna be his girlfriend. And is that so bad, when he can’t even get out of bed to see me?

By the way, I think that hangover thing was a lie. In fact I find him insincere. I mean when I told him last week that I was more into him than I was into RR, he encouraged me to continue with BOTH of them. He said ‘well you know the adage; what he doesn’t know won’t hurt’. I hate that adage. AB didn’t care that I’m not comfortable being intimate with more than one person at a time. More importantly, it didn’t matter to him that I liked him enough to discontinue with RR. He doesn’t value it at all. He said I was ‘too considerate for your own good’. Well sweetheart, that consideration is actually one of my finest qualities, and the right guy’s gonna figure that out.

The right guy, the ‘right’ guy... As I think I said, RR replied to my break-off message wishing me all the best. Last week I felt the need to emphasise that it was mainly a circumstantial, rather than personal, decision. I didn’t expect a response. I went out on Thursday night to the club where we met and I missed him so much. Is it because AB is indifferent? Would I feel different if AB was what I wanted? Almost definitely. And I’ll tell you what, if Brad Pitt flew over today to confess undying love, I’d forget the both of them in an instant. But that hasn’t happened. And you have to interpret situations as-is, not as-could-be. AB’s let me down consistently in different ways; RR treated me well and made me HAPPY. Reading the relevant posts on here confirms that.

He wrote back. RR said that he felt I was missing an opportunity and that it would be nice to see me for coffee when he’s back from Africa next month. He said that I was one of the more interesting people he’s met and that, in any case, he hopes I meet someone who makes me happy because I ‘deserve that much at least’.

I was sold. By that last bit. He actually just wants me to be happy, even if it’s not with him. Freaking AB doesn’t give a tinker’s toot, this guy MISSED FLIGHTS, and then came all the way to Cornwall from Bristol just to see me for one night, and then back again the next day. And that time really was just for me. Money may be a commodity to someone as rich as him, but it’s still time and effort. We’re talking at least 5-6 hours either way. Oh, what am I doing?? I wrote back agreeing to see him next month, but I said that it would be hard for me to commit and not see other people when they’re here, and he’s in Africa.

He said to keep things simple, and let’s just enjoy time together. Then he said he was looking forward to seeing me, and quoted a lyric at the end of the message, to a song I’ve been listening to lately and really vibing with.

‘If I had another chance tonight
I’d try to tell you that the things we had were right’ – Another Chance, Roger Sanchez.

...

Strike a balance, boys and girls. Try to be with someone who you can feel chuffed with when out in public, and who you can feel proud of and know that you are not settling. But make it someone who you can also just be real with, and who will be real with you. After all I’m ultimately after a life partner, a partner in crime here – and not just an ego boost.

Happy lovings!
User avatar
Tarantula
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 900
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:37 pm

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Tue Feb 15, 2011 4:35 pm

The score:

AB - deleted off FB at last. It just had to be done. I got sick of being tempted to look at his profile, wonder if one more 'hi' would make all the difference, wonder if he'd comment on my status. Oh, for the good old days when there was no FB and if it didn't work out with a guy, you simply never had to see or hear from him ever again. I don't need a constant reminder. Delete.

I immediately felt free-er. Amazing.

RR - wrote 'happy Valentine's day :)' on his profile. Got a missed international call a few hours later, while I was in the kitchen and left my phone alone for ten minutes. D'oh! It was definitely him, he said he just rang to wish me a happy V day too.

Going to get with him before someone else does

Going to tell him, when I see him next month, that I shutdown on the other guy. Not gonna push for commitment, but definitely gonna carry on seeing him. Gonna just be happy with him and not worry about definition. It doesn't matter. If we want to be together we just will, it'll just happen naturally. He deserves it.

Gonna focus on my course more for the next month.

Gonna get it right.
User avatar
Tarantula
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 900
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:37 pm

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby RagDoll » Tue Feb 15, 2011 5:11 pm

Fair enough re: deleting AB off facebook, but as for RR... I thought you liked AB more?? Therefore aren't you selling yourself short? I'm not advocating that you should be persuing AB, but pointing out that maybe NEITHER of these guys are worth persuing. It doesn't have to be one or the other.
We don’t see things the way they are; we see things the way we are
User avatar
RagDoll
Taken Root
Taken Root
 
Posts: 2101
Joined: Tue Dec 02, 2008 10:57 am
Location: North East England
Gender: Female

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Tue Feb 15, 2011 10:13 pm

Yeah AB's more attractive on the surface of things, but why? Because he plays 'The Game', he's the one I can't have, he doesn't value me. So it compels me to try harder for his attention. I think that would be true of anyone to a point, but I'm super susceptible to that routine because of who I happen to be. It's all there in 'women who love too much', I'm pre-programmed to go for whoever's most ambivalent towards me, and to not feel comfortable when there isn't drama.

I like RR a lot. I like Brad Pitt even more. So does that mean that I'm selling myself short if I get with anyone other than Brad Pitt?

Gotta draw the line somewhere and be with someone who you are both attracted to (which I am) and who aso treats you well (which he does). I may have a strong history of settling, but it so isn't like that this time. I think he's fit, my friends think he's fit, he's Irish, he's rich AND he thinks I'm the cats pyjamas too! What more I want? Jam on it? He makes me happy, bottom line.

Yes there are always options on the table, yes perhaps if I continued to move along then there would be someone even better for me. But this fella is firing on all cylinders and I better pay attention before I possibly miss out on a good guy. It's been a long time coming

but I fold. :lol:
User avatar
Tarantula
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 900
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:37 pm

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Sun Feb 27, 2011 12:31 am

Happy days in the world of B_C. Continuing in the same vein as my last post.

I'm exchanging messages with RR every couple of days. They've become increasingly slushy. Slushy! By that I mean, you know. Sweet, just nice. Possibly the best bit so far was when he said I'd made an awesome decision in deciding to carry on with him, and I asked why, and he told me it's awesome because he will treat me better than anyone else and be there for me when I need him. Lemme hear ya say 'n'awwwwwww.' O:)

Next month I have some friends visiting me, and my brother's coming with them. As it happens, it's the same weekend that RR is back. So it's very possible that he'll end up meeting my group, I mean he's agreed to meeting my friends, but I've only just mentioned my brother too, in my latest reply. I really hope that's not an issue for him. It's not like I'm manifesting the situation in which they meet; everyone seems to be showing up at the same time and that really is coincidence. It just makes sense so that I get to spend ample time with all parties. Plus it would make me so happy if we all got along. I'd love for us to all go out for a meal or something.

RR has hinted that he's going to take me somewhere. He said he's planning on 'stealing me away from everyone'. Exciting. Nothing's official yet; but it's certainly moving in that direction and I'm glad that I was able - at least theoretically - to overcome the long distance hurdle. I really think I've lucked out. My friends think I've lucked out.

I'm so happy about this that I'm worried that it'll all go wrong and/or that there is some sort of catch. I haven't pushed for reassurance (I've grown) but he's already said that trust is precious and so am I, so he won't let me down. I can't err on the side of 'words are cheap' because so far his haven't been; they've been backed up by action.

It's all kicking off in a fortnight from now. I'm so excited. I'm back on the pill. I always wondered who I'd go back on the pill for. In one of my recent posts I talked about being sad because I thought that the next person I slept with would be my next real thing. Well, it looks like it is/will be! Moving steadily, holding tight... This is the closest I've been to leaving the land of singledom in the last year. It's all been about finding an equal, and not settling. Already feel that I'm off the market. Ready to commit. Heart in hand (but I'd never let him know that).

Here we go...! Come on 10th March..!
User avatar
Tarantula
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 900
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:37 pm

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Wed Mar 09, 2011 5:09 pm

Oh God it's 9th March. Which means I'm seeing RR tomorrow. I am so nervous. I haven't actually been this nervous since going in gung-ho to see barman and find out why he hadn't contacted me when he said he would (was I really so silly? Yes...).

There's none of that with RR. All above board ship shape mutual. We had a bit of a turning, or accelerating, point the other night when I went out and got chatted to by this guy who tried to kiss me but I backed away. He was quite drunk, and quite attractive, and seemed to dig that I was unavailable. At the end of the night I told him I was sort of with someone, and he stopped. Then I considered what I'd just said.

Nothing else for it. I told RR, I said it had gotton to the point where I was turning down other guys because I didn't want anyone else. And yaknow what? He said he felt the same. A lot seems to have happened during the last 6 weeks of not seeing eachother, such as me deciding to carry on with him, him finding out about my abusive childhood by Googling me, and us more or less pertaining to be exclusive. I mean we didn't strictly say we would be, but we did mutually say that we didn't want anyone else. Much of a muchness? I don't want to rush him.

That said. Given all the talkings that we've done and the romantic content of that, I would expect that we will be getting together shortly. I think it's a very fair expectation to have. For all intents and purposes, we ARE together now. Just not officially.

And I can't hang around in this grey area for too long, and with 6-8 week gaps in between seeing eachother, I guess the pressure's on from when I see him tomorrow. Except the thing about 'pressure' is that is suggests a course of action which at least one party does not want to pursue. Whereas we've both been conducting as if that IS where we are going. He's said that he means everything, that he's not gonna let me down, that I'm precious. So surely everything will naturally fall into place, right?

All the evidence seems to suggest so. Not to mention that he's meeting my brother/close friends. My plan is to relax and have a lovely time with him. I feel like there'll be a moment where one of us probably him - will broach the subject of 'where do we stand with eachother', and when it's time to weigh in, I'll say...

Let's do it.

And then this thread will be concluded. I'm keeping on with the posts until and unless it is allllllll official. Because if you held a gun to my head now and asked me, I'm still single!

But not for long, I hope. Here's hoping.

VERY EXCITE
User avatar
Tarantula
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 900
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:37 pm

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Skarlet » Wed Mar 09, 2011 9:09 pm

I really hope that everything goes as you want it to... :D
User avatar
Skarlet
Permanent Fixture
Permanent Fixture
 
Posts: 1082
Joined: Tue Dec 09, 2008 4:41 pm
Gender: Female

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Sat Mar 12, 2011 10:05 pm

Hoooooooooooooosha!

1. We're together now.
2. He said he loves me.
3. I'm so happy about it that I'm terrified.

There's so much more I could say, but here is no longer the place; invalidated, I'm not single anymore..! It's like my dating life has flashed before my eyes - all those times people said I had 'impossible' standards, and all those times I had to rigidly pull myself away from someone because I knew they weren't really... Yeah.

It's all been worth it and it's paying off now. Time to rock steady...
User avatar
Tarantula
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 900
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:37 pm

Re: Singledom! (Massive post)

Postby Tarantula » Thu Apr 21, 2011 11:55 pm

Well hello PP! I haven't written in a while for two chief reasons: that I haven't really thought about it, and that I thought I lost my password.

My relationship didn't last. We had a wonderful time together while he was here - well, mainly wonderful, a little bit awful, but definitely far more good than bad - but when he left, well, we chatted on FB a few times but there was no mistaking the fact that we just didn't have enough of a foundation to make a seriously long-distance thing work. There was more we coulda done - I could've got international calling cards, we coulda got Skype, he coulda got my address and written to me (oldskool but I would have loved that!!).

But if I'm honest, I think niether of us could really... Be bothered, in the circumstances. We'd had a lovely time but after he left, although I missed him, it just wasn't really... Viable. So we broke up - I instigated it but he calls it mutual, whatever, doesn't matter much - and then he called me, and then he wrote me on FB. He said that he cares for me, and is glad that I was his first girlfriend, and that I' amazing, and that I deserve the best. I went out that night, ran into all his friends (who I'd met with him the week before), got deliriously drunk and effectively carried home on a stretcher the next day by my brother, to whom I declared, it was 'that time again'. He drove 4.5 hours to pick me up, and then 4.5 hours to take me home for Easter. :)

... I haven't spoken to RR since. I still miss him, but I know we can't really be together. If he ever came back permenantly, I'd wanna be with him. But he's not gonna, not for years at least.

A week later, I was on a first date with a boy I used to fancy when I was 10. Well, he's got facial hair now. And he drives. I couldn't believe it. On the 5th date - last week - I stayed round his and we slept together and it was pleasant. But directly afterwards we had a huge row where he told me, basically, that his mates play a 'game' on drunken nights out called 'fatty rodeo' that involves feigning interest in a fat/ugly girl, then telling her that they think she is the fattest/ugliest girl in the club, and then putting their arms around her and seeing how long they can hold on. This is called 'riding the fatty'.

I told him that was absolutely apalling. He said that HE didn't do it ('cos butter wouldn't melt), but his mates do, and he just watches. Well, I don't care, it's out of order. He tried to defend his friend's actions and in the ensuing argument it became apparent to me that he's got some real resentment issues with women. He shouted and swore at me (I did niether, I was just icy) and stormed out of the room. I broke it off with him the next day, and then I trained it back to uni early so that I can get some revising done for exams next month.

...

It has occurred to me that it's not only romantic relationships in which we can settle. We can settle with friendships and even our career too. I've been taking stock of all the people around me - not just guys - and coming to realise that I've been playing it safe across every department. My 'friends' aren't really friends... They're either somewhat userish or too limp to have the capacity to BE userish. If I don't instigate a meetup, I'll simply never hear from them again other than the odd FB message saying 'we have to meetup sometime! xxx' Like how I used to be, they generally have no confidence or drive and, whilst some of them are nice people, they're just too vague and waiting-to-die to really relate to me anymore. So my latest concept is to forget about guys and work on forming real, mutual, close friendships with people first. You have to work from the inside out, where romance lies on the furthermost border.

...

Basically I'm back to where I was last year datingwise, just with greater wisdom. Taking it easy in that department from now, I mean I've just gone through two whirlwind relationships. Like eating junk food for a month. If I don't stop I'll get fat. And some abhorrant twerp will play 'fatty rodeo' on me and I can't have that, repent!!
User avatar
Tarantula
Part of the Furniture
Part of the Furniture
 
Posts: 900
Joined: Sat Sep 08, 2007 7:37 pm

PreviousNext

Return to Mental wellbeing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests