I have hit rock bottom

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I have hit rock bottom

Postby MrsD86 » Wed May 12, 2010 2:13 pm

Hi guys,

3 weeks ago, I lost my baby at 17 weeks pregnant. Everything was fine with my baby, I saw him on the screen at a check up scan and saw his little legs kicking about. I passed a blood clot whilst at the hospital so I was kept in as precaution. The very next morning, I lost my precious baby.
Only a few moments later, I was shoved form after form to sign, consent to an autopsy, consent to cremation, consent to do this, consent to do that. When my husband and son arrived, my husband went to see and hold our baby. I couldn't do this, it would have tore me apart. I now feel guilty for not seeing him. I was discharged from hospital the same day with no information about what would happen thereafter. I was told I would have a midwife and counselor visit me the same week, and 3 weeks later I have had no one.
My husband called the hospital yesterday to find out why no one had got in touch. We then found out our baby was in Birmingham, and had had the autopsy done and was coming back this week. We will then have a chaplain come to discuss the funeral arrangements, and then I will have my follow up appointment 6 WEEKS later. I'm angry that I wasnt informed where my baby was, and what was happening. I'm angry I have to wait 6 weeks to find out why my baby died.
And then, this morning, 3 weeks after I lost my angel, we recieve a letter from our landlord telling us to get out of the property on a date in 3 weeks time. Our landlord is a friend of the family, and so knows how much pain we are already in. We have re-decorated his house, made it a real family home. In the year we have been here, our landlord has not once fixed anything that has been broken. We have lived with broken windows, appauling heating (camping heaters) broken kitchen cupboards, along with a few more. So my husband fixes everything for our comfort for him to chuck us out with it laid out on a silver platter for him.
We are now facing homelessness with a 18 month old baby to consider. How can one family suffer so much pain in the space of 1 month?
I have hit rock bottom, and I don't know where to turn. My husband and gorgeous little boy are the only ones keeping me going. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have my boy to care for everyday. He is my saviour.

Can anyone give me some encouraging words?

Thanks for reading.
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Re: I have hit rock bottom

Postby Skarlet » Wed May 12, 2010 3:08 pm

Hi MrsD,

I am so sorry for you loss...

In regards to your house situation, do you have a contract with your landlord? Surely he has to give you more than a months notice to end your contract. Get in touch with the council as soon as possible- they should be able to help you. If not go and see the CAB.

Skarlet
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Re: I have hit rock bottom

Postby Bel Bel » Thu May 13, 2010 12:57 pm

:grouphug: Firstly a hug becaseu you sound like you really need one

I cannot begin to imagine the pain you are going through. I have attached a link for a miscarriage support group where you may be able to find help and comfort

http://www.miscarriageassociation.org.u ... /index.htm

Sometimes everything in life seems to crash around us all at once.

However you have your baby and a loving hsuband to give you a reason to go on. By all means greive, it is perfectly normal and a natural process to go through but remember your son needs his Mum so don't make him a victim too. It's bad nough you and your husband have to suffer becasue of this.

Your home situation sounded awful and I suspect you may end up in a better situation even though it doesn't seem like that now.
Take your letter to the council as Skarlet suggested and see what help they can offer you.

My recent experience with hopsitals has been terrible. My father in law died and his level of care was awful. I can only sympathise and tell you to keep the pressure on them by ringing them and making sure they keep you informed. Once you feel strong enough perhaps an official complaint will help you to get closure and help to stop the same thing happening to others.
Life is for living so live it to the fullest

Cheap Pandora Charms UK

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Re: I have hit rock bottom

Postby kitten » Thu May 13, 2010 10:35 pm

I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling, my son was thought to be eptopic at the beginning of my pregnancy and it felt like the bottom had fallen out of my world. Give yourself time to grieve and surround yourself with the things that make you happy, your son and your husband. Like Bel Bel said don't make your son a victim too, he needs his Mummy.

From what I remember when I rented the landlord can give you a months notice to vacate and you can do the same. It seems a very cruel thing to do when he is a family friend and you would think given your circumstances he would at least give you more notice. Do you think you may be able to arrange to stay a while longer? Is he moving you out to sell up, if so can you agree to help him with viewings etc if it means you get longer to look for somewhere else.

Keep on to the hospital to get the answers and support you need. Go to your family doctor for counselling if you feel it would benefit you. Not all hospitals are bad, its unfortunate that some are and at the times you need them most. Hopefully when you get the autopsy results you may be able to get some closure.
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Re: I have hit rock bottom

Postby Snowqueen » Tue May 18, 2010 8:02 pm

Hi,

I am so sorry for your loss, and the pain you have endured in such a short space of time. A miscarriage alone is such a hard and painful experience, I sympathise greatly and wish you all the best.

The words of comfort I offer are but words, but I hope that they at least show you're not alone. Sometimes such events derail us in the most cruel ways. You mentioned your husband and young boy, it seems they are providing you with the strength to carry on and they should continue to do so. The precious baby you lost will always be yours, and the love you and your family feel for him will never cease. It's incredibly tragic, but I think with the love and support of your family and friends you will, in time, begin to heal.

As for your Landlord, it's sad that there are people who would do this to you. Please be strong, you and your family are in this together, and try to find a better Landlord where they will actually care for you as they should.

You'll get through this, I geniunly wish you the best.

Take care.

x
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Re: I have hit rock bottom

Postby MrsD86 » Sun May 23, 2010 7:42 am

Hi,
I just wanted to tap out a quick note to thank you all for your kind words. I am feeling better as the days go on, but until I can put my little boy to rest, I don't think I can grieve fully. 5 weeks and I still haven't been able to lay him to rest. Just awful.
My little boy is what is keeping me sane. I don't know how I'd be right now if I didn't have him.

K x
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Re: I have hit rock bottom

Postby snail » Sun May 23, 2010 10:07 am

Hang on in there, MrsD. :grouphug:

Has the house situation improved at all?
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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