i feel like im always hurting

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i feel like im always hurting

Postby red.nails » Thu Jun 03, 2010 1:55 am

recently the two men who have caused me constant heartache are leaving my life by the end of this month and im almost pleased at this because it means i might finally get over all thats happened but at the same time i dont want either of them to leave because its all i know how to be consently confused by them.
I have lost my closest friend through an argument which neither of us are willing to forgive and im being forced into taking sides with the rest of my friends and its divided us all.
Im currently studying for my as exams and i feel compleatly out of my depth and so stupid even though i know my grades are reasonable (about a C) but next to my sister who always reaches A grades without trying it feels pointless for trying considering my parents will always celebrate her grades the best, its a massive divide between us even though she only a year younger than me. She talks like shes done everything first but i just dont talk about my life with her as it feels like a competiton and she doesn't think about anybody elses feelings.
I used to pride myself on being a strong person who doesnt show emotion, i didnt cry after my parents difficult seperation unlike my sister and mum, i always thought they were weak for showing emotion but now i feel like breaking down and cry over the slightest things making me feel weak i know it sounds corney but it feels like my heart is breaking some days and i dont know why.
Im not close to many people that i can talk to, i used to be close to someone but he broke my trust, and now i think i might like one of my guy mates but i dont know i feel about him as it gets tangled up with things that have with other guys and i cant bring myself into wanting him as i think he might like me or he used to i cant tell he would be the one person i think i could trust and im just scared what could happen.
Recently i also started to talking to an old friend who i hadn't talked to in a year and he said he was married and she was pregnant (all this happened while we were still talking) but he started saying did i still love him and all of this and we got to talking and it was like old times and we started flirting a bit and sending suggestive messages and he finally asked for a dirty picture and i did not really thinking and his wife got hold of his phone and started calling me a slag and this and i could understand why she was saying that an d i knew why and i let it go but then she got my number and started texting me playing the guilt trip of im pregnant and things but i explained what he had said and she understood but it made me feel so guilty but if i try to say sorry to her she just starts playing the guilt trip and things and i dont know how to make it better

i know above is a compleate jumble but i wrote as it came
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Re: i feel like im always hurting

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Jun 03, 2010 12:51 pm

You got a lot of problems going on there but i suspect most of them are created but your lack of self esteem, which has been impacted further by your sisters seeming success. I sma seeming as success can be measured in many ways. I would rathr be happy then be super intelligent. The fact she doesn't consider others feelings shows she is shallow is is likely to suffer a "fall" from this at some point in her life, people will not be so tolerant of this behaviour in the "adult world".

I think you need to get some conselling. Perhaps not dealing with your feelings before has now created you to be like you are as you were switching off from your feelings before so now they are coming out much more concentrated, if you follow what I am saying

Remeber too you can only control your actions not other peoples. I too understand the lady calling you names but her husband ask for the photo and wasn't innocent but she needs someone to be angry at and I am afraid that's you. Block both their numbers and put this down to experience, beating yourself up will not make it go away so all you can do is learn from it
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