Wedding Issues - conflicting parents advice?

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Wedding Issues - conflicting parents advice?

Postby stressball » Thu Jun 10, 2010 7:20 am

Hi Everyone, have another issue to do with my wedding, yawn, lol!

My partner and I were originally geared up to pay for our wedding ourselves and I must admit, due to our savings being depleted for several things (broken down boiler, repairs to car,etc) we decided we would have to put the wedding off for a few years. Well my parents were hearing none of this and said they are paying for it themselves to which i replied they didnt need to. After several days umming and ahhing my partner and I met with them to discuss the wedding and reluctantly agreed to let them pay (I hate not paying my way and so does my partner). My parents seemed happy with this and assured us ever since I was born they were expecting this expense so it's all covered.

Now in a rare private conversation with my dad (my mum was at work) he make a point of saying "if we are offering to pay for the wedding why are you putting it off for 2 years?" to which i didn't really know myself, I think i still had in my mind that my partner and i were still going to pay for it. After thinking long and hard, my dad and I agreed (after speaking with my partner) that we would have it in a years time as the funds were there, why wait, etc.

Now during this conversation my dad higlighted his worries on how much the wedding would cost him, because my cousin, his niece, is having this lavish wedding that he has been told by his sister (who loves to brag about how much money she has) that is well over £15,000. He raised his concerns about this and I said my partner and i do not need anything that fancy, we are looking for something around £5,000 as we don't need all the expensive location, food, designer dress,etc. He scoffed and said "you wont be able to get that for that budget" so I said, if it goes anything over 5k my partner and i will pay the difference. Therefore i made it my mission to produce a well detailed, didn't miss anything-budget based on a lady who's website i found detailing how she did it for under 5k. I spent 2 days writing and working out this budget (and i will add i found this was a lot easier than i thought!) and went round my parents house to show them the workings and put them at ease etc. Well when I produced my workings my mum seemed a bit dismayed and said "why are you doing it for a budget, its your special day, you can spend what you want" clearly not having spoken to my dad about it. Well my dad looked very uncomfortable and did not say a word and I replied and said "i was proving that you don't need to spend a lot to make a wedding day special" and she said we are not giving you a budget, we are happy for you to spend as much as you want, don't think a bout money, to which my dad seemed to agree.

Now is this conflicting information here, because i am really confused. My dad is saying he's worried about how much it will be and my mum says not to worry about the cost, what do i do? x
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Re: Wedding Issues - conflicting parents advice?

Postby RagDoll » Thu Jun 10, 2010 9:12 am

I think regardless of what your Mum said, it's only fair not to go mental and have an expensive wedding (not implying that's what you'd want anyway) since they're paying for it. I think it's probably ok for you to go over the £5k mark, but still keep costs to a minimum, whilst making the day special.

Alternatively, ask them both out-right for a maximum amount they'd be willing to pay. I know your Mum said you spend what you want, but obviously she still must have an upper figure in her mind. Ask them what kind of budget they're thinking of and just explain you need to know so you have something to work towards?
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Re: Wedding Issues - conflicting parents advice?

Postby peecee » Thu Jun 10, 2010 9:58 am

stressball, I'm going to copy RagDoll's reply into your duplicate thread, and lock this one. It will be much easier for PPers to reply if you keep it all in one thread. :D

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