Suicide?

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Suicide?

Postby PurePurple » Sun Jun 13, 2010 2:56 pm

Hi all,

I started going out with my now ex boyfriend on the 5th May, We were together for a month and a week.

From the beginning everything was great, He was such a lovely person and I fell for him straight away. About 2 weeks in he started becoming over protective and eventually we split up. I decided to give him a second chance because I really liked him, And unfortunately we split up 2 more times.

During this time he became very suicidal and eventually I asked my friend to talk to him because she had been through similar things to him, and they understood each other and started to get on very well (She saved our relationship). He had 4 previous girlfriends that all cheated on him, His dad walked out on him when he was 3 after saying he'd always be there, And he said to me that he "craved the truth" after 18 years. Which is where the paranoia he had spiralled out of control...

He demanded to know where I was all the time, associated himself with all of my male friends and went insane as if they so much as touched me. I'm friends with a few of my ex's and i've known them long before I met him. Anyway, One time I went out and I didn't tell him where I was and he flipped his lid and screamed at me that I was cheating on him and sneaking around, also how he thought some other guy was probably all over me (This was the case most days, I would be accused of cheating). I had said to him that we can't be together and tried to ignore all contact with him for a few days until he had cooled down. He had admitted to insecurity but I never thought it would be as bad as this...

Anyway, All of this week has just been us arguing from day to night and yesterday after another day long argument 2 of my friends and my sister had a go at him over MSN, saying that I didn't want to speak to him and he's pathetic etc. He tried to ring me and talk to me on MSN which I ignored, And eventually he texted me saying "Suicide was his last step" and he wanted me to talk to him to say goodbye. At first I didn't believe him because he'd tried it before. Anyway, He insisted it wasn't a guilt trip and that I shouldn't treat the next guy like I did him. Needless to say I was in tears for a good 2-3 hours.

I woke up this morning to a text saying "This is your fault aint it, You made him do this" Which I thought was him because his Mum doesn't even know about me.. And neither do his siblings, He wouldn't even go in a relationship with me on Facebook because his Mum sees everything. About 20-30 mins later the friend he had argued with told me on MSN that they'd been arguing a good half an hour after he said he was going to end his life. After saying that, out of the blue he text me which made me think it was him who had said that it was my fault. He said that he had tried to be suicidal and I drove him to it because of my "sneaking around" (I've always been faithful to him by the way) And next time he'll do it in a field. He also said he had tried but his family stopped him.

Basically after this long post, I'm wondering whether I should feel some kind of guilt if he did do it. I read a thing where a person said it's manipulative if someone makes you feel guilty for them doing it. I've sacrificed a lot for him, Half of my friends don't like me anymore because he's argued with them or tried to fight with them, And last night was really the last straw for me. I'm most annoyed about the fact he told my sister i'd end up "Like the rest of them" - On the streets. I have an education, friends and a job and I work hard for what I have at only 18. He refuses to work, Is on the dole and is currently doing probation for not having a license whilst driving.
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Re: Suicide?

Postby kitten » Sun Jun 13, 2010 3:32 pm

I had a boyfriend like this - he was having a tough time working out his issues he is gay and the relationship would have gone nowhere (I didn't know he was gay at the time and he was still figuring it out for himself). He said he'd commit suicide if I left him and it made me feel really bad but at the same time the whole relationship like yours was ruining my friendships (a lot of which never survived this).

I left him and gave him my reasons and told him I still loved him as a friend but it was pointless us carrying on in a relationship. ( I was only 15 at the time!). I told my friends and my Mum about what was going on and I think it was my Mum who called his Dad - to let him know to keep an eye on him.

It was really just an empty threat to make me feel bad and he never did it. 11 years down the line he's pretty successful and we still get on. He apologised to me a few years back for being such an idiot back then and saying he'd grown up a lot since then.

I would try and speak to his family and make someone aware of what he has said. You can't make everyone happy all of the time
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Re: Suicide?

Postby Skarlet » Sun Jun 13, 2010 4:56 pm

Seriously PurePurple you need to get away from this guy. You are not responsible for him, or his attempts at suicide, everything this guy does is to control you, to make you feel guilty and to keep you close. He is not stable or healthy for you and you need to just steer clear of him and the drama. Am I right in thinking this has only been a 5-6 week relationship?

and no, you shouldn't feel guilty.
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Re: Suicide?

Postby PurePurple » Sun Jun 13, 2010 7:36 pm

6 Weeks yeah :-?
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Re: Suicide?

Postby Skarlet » Sun Jun 13, 2010 9:16 pm

That should tell you all you need to know.

If he is acting this way after 6 weeks, then can you imagine how he would be after 6 months. Get out of the relationship now. You are not responsible for his unhappiness or actions, and shouldn't feel like you are.
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Re: Suicide?

Postby Tarantula » Sun Jun 13, 2010 9:37 pm

I agree with Skarlet.

No matter how much he tries to make you feel the contrary, he is NOT your responsibility. He wants you to take responsibility so that he doesn't have to face his problems himself. We all have an obligation to ourselves to sort our own issues out, and to not rely on another person to 'fix' us. And if your ex truly is so far gone that he ends up committing suicide, then let me be the first to say that there would be nothing you could have done now to prevent it. You are not to blame for his circumstances in any way, and you NEED to get out of there. You KNOW that it's a destructive relationship; don't let your own neediness get in the way of escaping this trainwreck of a situation that, again, isn't your fault, or your problem. You should spend time focusing on yourself and how YOU can be a better/more successful person... And avoid such men in the future.

Finally I strongly, oh so strongly reccommend that you buy a copy of 'Women who love too much' by Robin Norwoof and read it cover to cover.
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Re: Suicide?

Postby PurePurple » Mon Jun 14, 2010 7:49 am

Thanks for your replies, :)
I've been out of the relationship for about a week but he insists on trying to find me to say "final words" but then points out all the bad things and tried to guilt trip me with the whole suicide thing and then claims "It remains not a guilt trip"
Even though he said he tried it and his family stopped him I do strongly feel he wouldn't have, Because surely I can't have done worse than what his 4 girlfriends did when they cheated on him.. :-?
I think just about everyone has recommended some sort of counselling for him but he just throws it back in their faces, so there's no hope.
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Re: Suicide?

Postby snail » Mon Jun 14, 2010 9:44 am

I very much doubt he had 4 previous girlfriends who cheated on him - that was probably all in his head. A man might accrue 4 cheating girlfriends by the time he was 40 perhaps, but not at 20. Cheating simply isn't common enough.

He's not ready for counselling at the moment, but that doesn't mean there's no hope - he may be ready at a later time.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Suicide?

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Jun 14, 2010 12:55 pm

iT WOULD MOST DEFINATELY NOT BE YOUR FAULT. sorry on caps :oops:

I really get upset by people who do this, threaten suicide. He needs to realise for himself that he needs professional help.

I too agree with Skarlet if this is how he acts after 6 weeks roll forward 6 months and your life would be hell.


If he does it's becasue he is screwed up and it could be anything that is that final straw, he has a lot issues that were very obviously there before you came into the picture

His expectations of how you were allowed to behave with your friends was unreasonable and not something helathy for either of you
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Re: Suicide?

Postby PurePurple » Mon Jun 14, 2010 10:57 pm

I'm glad I got out of it.
But now he's putting it on all my other friends.
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Re: Suicide?

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Jun 15, 2010 4:39 pm

Then they have to tell him to go away or block his number or call the police for harrasement
You are not in control of him and he is doing it as a way to get to you, don't let him
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