Low self asteem

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Low self asteem

Postby Me*.x » Sun Jul 11, 2010 1:20 am

I have no confidence and im consistently putting my self down not only in my head but to others aswell.
Ive always had a problem with confidence but its getting so bad now that i cant even go to family partys because i feel so ugly and worry about what other people will think about what im wearing or how fat i look to all my realy skinny cousins an my sister .
All my friends and family have said im pretty and im good person to be around but when people compliment me i either dont believe , or tell them how there rong, or somtimes it makes me feel even worse because i think that they are lying.
My low self asteem affects just about everything in my life. I dont ever think i can do anything the right way and i put myself down constiently . I can talk to new people quite easily but most of the time im in the company of others im just worrying about what they think of what i say, what i do , how i appear. Ive never had a proper boyfriend and i dont think i ever will untill i have confidence in my self . I no that i could achieve so much more in life if i just hadthe confidence.
Even though i no what i need an i do try to be confident it never works and its starting to make feel deperessed
What can i do.
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Re: Low self asteem

Postby Tarantula » Sun Jul 11, 2010 5:32 pm

Where is all this self-hatred coming from? Why don't you think you deserve to be happy?

I think you need to do some deep soul searching to be able to answer these questions fully. And you're right; you won't get a boyfriend - or at least a DECENT one - until you learn to shut off all these inner critics. If you want love, you have to love yourself first. Timeless, and so true. So how do you do it?

I think that first you need to stop beating yourself up for haing zero confidence. Otherwise it's just a vicious cycle, yeah? You have no confidence so you feel bad, and then you feel bad because you have no confidence. You've written on here now; you have admitted it, which is both the first and most important step, because now the healing process can begin. When you take responsibility for your problems, you give yourself the power to find solutions to them.

Confidence is SO important in life. No one gets far without it. But there must be some things you like about yourself? List them. And then, stick that list somewhere where you will see it every day - on your mirror for example. Also, never underestimate the healing power of daily positive affirmations. Start with something like 'I am a beautiful, confident, worthy individual who deserves to be happy and has limitless potential'. I'm not joking - say that, over and over for a few minutes every morning and evening whilst staring at yourself directly in the mirror. You won't be able to help but begin to believe it.

Also, engage in activities that make you feel, well, confident! What are you good at? Don't say nothing; everyone is born with certain talents, and if you don't know yours yet then you need to investigate, and find out. Sport is the obvious example, or exercise in general. From taking up regular exercise you get an instant confidence boost, develop a fitter figure and gain several health benefits - the investment is well worth the pay off with exercise.

Read books on learning to love yourself. I'm doing this at the moment, I typed 'self love' into Amazon and lots of decent books came up! This topic has been so well covered and so well written about, that it really helps to educate yourself on your problem. This could well be the first time that you have ever really considered yourself worthy of your own time and dedication, so, make the most of it. Read extensively, and realise that you have the ability to change your mind patterns for the better.

These are just a random selection of suggestions, but ultimately it's your journey. Bear in mind that we all fall behind from time to time, and even Cheryl Cole doesn't feel confident 100% of the time. So, try to accept yourself. The bad AND the good. When you wake up feeling ugly, it's okay. When you take part in an activity you enjoy, it's okay. When you don't have a boyfriend, it's okay. I find that when you truly accept reality - which includes accepting yourself - the things that you thought were problems just... Have a way of sorting themselves out. The only thing you can control in this world is yourself, so focus your energies on realising how great you undoubtably are (because every human bein has something unique and positive to offer this world), and I promise you will steadily feel better, day by day.

This is such a broad topic, but I've tried to highlight what I think are some important bits. Good luck! :D
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Re: Low self asteem

Postby Bel Bel » Tue Jul 13, 2010 3:57 pm

Totally agree with broken chord especially about loving youself and affirmations. Try it, you have nothing to lose. It may seem silly at first but it will change in time

If you can afford it go to a cognitive therapist, they are excellent for this sort of thing.

I would also add most people are too busy worrying about themselves to worry about you and how you look. A lot of people fake confidence too so just becasue they seem like they are perfectly happy it may not be the case. Stop comparing as this isn't going to help. You are who you are and you need to try to learn to lvoe yourself and make the best of who you are and what you look like

There are always uglier, fatter people out there and many of them are totally happy. It's not all about looks. A lot of peope, are attracted to peoples personality, not everyone is shallow.
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Re: Low self asteem

Postby retrochav » Sun Jul 18, 2010 10:59 pm

I think i would add something that at times helps me, because like you i suffer negative self image.

I imagine what i would tell my best friend. Imagine that he or she said to you that they were ugly or felt fat, or whatever. You would no doubt want to convince them otherwise, not by lying, but by pointing out the best bits about the person, or saying that there isnt a problem.

Learn to be your own best friend, write a letter imagining she is writting to you, then answer it as though replying to her. In time you will automatically tell the voices in your mind to shut up. Fuller figured people can have great fun, skinny people can suffer deppression, and the most "beautiful" people are often the most lonely ( i know a few models and they frequently cry about that) so there is no "ideal" way to be, the inner voices will always find something to attack us for. By being your own best friend, you can drown them out.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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