Moving House Stress :(

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Moving House Stress :(

Postby rufio89 » Wed Aug 04, 2010 12:55 pm

Hi All,

As you may know I am planning to move in with my boyfriend in just under 3 weeks.

When we started looking there was loads of places around but when we went to view them, they all got taken before we could do anything about it (as I cant move until the 20th-ish of the month).

Now, the clock is ticking and I dont have anywhere to live and there dont seem to be many nice places around anymore. It's also difficult to arrange viewings as the evening slots book up really quickly, and so even though I'm checking the websites everyday and calling to arrange viewings, I seem to still be too late!

I'm really stressed now, as I have handed the notice in on my flat and I have nowhere else to go if we dont find anywhere - my parents dont have room for me and my boyfriend still lives with his parents and it wouldnt be feasable to fit an extra person in their house.

It's also stressing me that I'm doing it all on my own! My boyfriend just seems so lost by dealing with anything. He's happy to do stuff if I ask him too, but I dont want to have to ask! I want him to be proactive, and I told him that and he said he would, but he got all stressed after just one day and asked me to do it again! I've got him to call a couple of places today, but to be honest if I have to ask him to call somewhere, I might as well just do it myself!


I know I'm probably being silly and I still have 3 weeks (ish), but I guess I just thought I'd have it sorted by now. Also I'm all excited about moving in with my bf and I just want it to be sorted.
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Re: Moving House Stress :(

Postby RagDoll » Wed Aug 04, 2010 1:28 pm

Regarding viewing houses - is there any chance you could take 1-2 days off work to go and look around a few in one concentrated go? I know it's a pain taking leave for that, but you might be in with a better chance of being able to make an appointment during the day when most other people are working. I wouldn't normally suggest that, but you sound stressed that you're 3 weeks away from moving out of your current place, so it sounds like it might be worth it just to get it sorted out.

rufio89 wrote:It's also stressing me that I'm doing it all on my own! My boyfriend just seems so lost by dealing with anything. He's happy to do stuff if I ask him too, but I dont want to have to ask! I want him to be proactive, and I told him that and he said he would, but he got all stressed after just one day and asked me to do it again! I've got him to call a couple of places today, but to be honest if I have to ask him to call somewhere, I might as well just do it myself!


This I can REALLY relate to (I think you probably know that from previous posts of mine). I know it's frustrating, but in my experience, a lot of men are more laid back than women. You might have to accept that you're always going to be the one whose more proactive and organises most things.

The problem is, if you leave everything to him, no doubt it will eventually get done, but you'll feel uncomfortable and panicy because he'll probably leave things a lot later than you before sorting them out. In my experience there's no way around this other than doing a lot of things yourself and asking him to do things also. I know it's tough, but it just comes down to different personalities and you can't change him :-?
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Re: Moving House Stress :(

Postby rufio89 » Wed Aug 04, 2010 2:57 pm

I think he's just scared of doing things! but its making me almost not trust that he's called places the fact he's so relucant to do it, but its SO annoying!! and he keeps saying he's not "got time". I am LOADS busier than he is, he seems to think it takes about half an hour to make a phonecall!

As for taking time off, I do want to, but I only have 6 days left for the whole year, and I'm going to need one of them to move house :( so I dont really want to waste my last bit of holiday
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Re: Moving House Stress :(

Postby RagDoll » Wed Aug 04, 2010 3:14 pm

rufio89 wrote:I think he's just scared of doing things! but its making me almost not trust that he's called places the fact he's so relucant to do it, but its SO annoying!! and he keeps saying he's not "got time". I am LOADS busier than he is, he seems to think it takes about half an hour to make a phonecall!


I know this is probably an uncomfortable question, but I would imagine that this is an issue that will keep rearing it's ugly head at different points in your life/relationship (he's probably never going to be as proactive/wanting to organise things as much as you, for whatever reason) - is this something you can accept long term? I know it's very frustrating. I get annoyed with my bf over the same thing, but then I remind myself how good he is in other ways and wonder if I just have overly high expectations.

Re: not wanting to take time off - I'm afraid I'm out of suggestions on that one. I don't know what else you can do to make sure you're first in line to get appointments as it already sounds like you're checking what the state of play is every day. Can't you move house over a weekend so you don't have to take a day off to do so?
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Re: Moving House Stress :(

Postby rufio89 » Wed Aug 04, 2010 3:26 pm

RagDoll wrote:I know this is probably an uncomfortable question, but I would imagine that this is an issue that will keep rearing it's ugly head at different points in your life/relationship (he's probably never going to be as proactive/wanting to organise things as much as you, for whatever reason) - is this something you can accept long term? I know it's very frustrating. I get annoyed with my bf over the same thing, but then I remind myself how good he is in other ways and wonder if I just have overly high expectations.


I think I can. Obviously we've not been together that long and it's impossible to know, but he is taking on board what I say and he is getting better (like when we first got together he wouldnt even ring up and book a table at a restaurant, but now he has no problem with it) so I guess I'll have to wait and see how he does with that!

I'm sure it will wind me up from time to time, but I'm fairly sure it's something I can accept. I quite like being the organising one most of the time, because then I know it's been done properly (that's no reflection of him by the way, I feel like that with everyone I know), but yeah, I would like it if he'd take the lead sometimes.

For the long term, I'll just have to wait and see I guess! It's certainly not big enough of a problem at the moment to make me have any doubts about the relationship :)



I have 3 viewings booked at the moment, so I guess I should stop panicking so much, I have one tomorrow night, one Friday night and one Tuesday night (although I expect the Tuesday one will be cancelled as someone else will have taken it by then)
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Re: Moving House Stress :(

Postby RagDoll » Wed Aug 04, 2010 3:42 pm

rufio89 wrote:I have 3 viewings booked at the moment, so I guess I should stop panicking so much, I have one tomorrow night, one Friday night and one Tuesday night (although I expect the Tuesday one will be cancelled as someone else will have taken it by then)


Yeh, that's not so bad and it's worth remembering that whilst obviously you want to live somewhere nice, it's not like you're buying, so it's only a relatively short term commitment. If you don't like it much I assume you can move in a year?
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Re: Moving House Stress :(

Postby rufio89 » Wed Aug 04, 2010 4:47 pm

also that. For that reason I'm not being as picky about location as I'd like to. So long as it's somewhere where I dont think I'm going to get stabbed, that's fine.
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Re: Moving House Stress :(

Postby snail » Wed Aug 04, 2010 5:04 pm

rufio89 wrote:So long as it's somewhere where I dont think I'm going to get stabbed

You really know how to look on the bright side, Rufio! :lol:
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Re: Moving House Stress :(

Postby rufio89 » Fri Aug 06, 2010 12:38 pm

I was being silly.

We've found somewhere now and it's PERFECT. Our referecnes are being checked as we speak and we're dicussing moving dates.

Yipee :)
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Re: Moving House Stress :(

Postby Skarlet » Fri Aug 06, 2010 12:45 pm

oooh Congratulations!

Really pleased for you, hope the rest of it goes okay.
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Re: Moving House Stress :(

Postby spacegirl » Fri Aug 06, 2010 12:49 pm

amaaazing! the right place was sure to come along and it did :) congrats! now you can go pend the weekend buying pretty things for ur new house!
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Re: Moving House Stress :(

Postby rufio89 » Fri Aug 06, 2010 1:48 pm

spacegirl wrote:now you can go pend the weekend buying pretty things for ur new house!


I wish! With all the money we're spending on agency fees and deposits and stuff, I'm not going to have much spare for the rest of the month.

Nevermind, we've already bought some new things -
Block of knives
Blender
Duvet
this clock: http://www.habitat.co.uk/fcp/product/br ... ock/968486

and I already have some nice things from my current place. I've started packing, eek.

We need to buy a washing machine though. Sigh.
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Re: Moving House Stress :(

Postby RagDoll » Fri Aug 06, 2010 2:03 pm

Woohoo, great news!

=D>
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Re: Moving House Stress :(

Postby snail » Fri Aug 06, 2010 2:40 pm

So when's the house-warming then? :P
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