jealousy is effecting me

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jealousy is effecting me

Postby pandalover10 » Sat Jan 01, 2011 4:54 pm

I am 22 and have had 3 very happy years with my boyfriend who is 24. My sister split with her boyfriend around 2 years ago, and has since been rather sad. Especially as my family "love" my boyfriend and constantly go on about him all the time. Recently (4 weeks) my sister has met a new man, and do not get me wrong I am made up for her. However its become centre of attention. Both me and my boyfriend feel pushed out, and my sisters new fella has a lot more in common with my sisters new fella, and so my dad just keeps harping on about how fantastic he is etc etc. For example last night, "New Years Eve" my sister went away with him, whereas I thought I was doing a favour by staying in with my family. However my mum kept saying she really missed my sister and wanted her there (both me and my boyfriend felt we were not good enough!). Also my mum keeps going on saying things like "I bet he is an amazing boyfriend" "I bet he will spoil her rotten" "I bet they will do really nice things" yet when i say back to her "that me and my boyfriend do nice things" she gets all defensive as says "yeah and...."

I think I also need to mention that I want to move on in life, live with my boyfriend etc. But I am really attached to my mum. I hate not being with her if she is off work, and I hate it when her and my sister do things without me. Therefore I always see me mum over my boyfriend for example on Saturdays. I just need to find a way to become dependent, as I fear I will never move on. I worry my mum gets sad on her own.

I also worry that at the rate my sisters relationship is going, and the fact she has money and a job, whereas I am still at uni that she is going to get married before me. As she is so besotted with this new guy, and already talking about the future. I just fear that we are going to end up getting married very close to each other (or at worst I will have to wait a few years on top of what I imagine) and then it will just be deja vu, as we are the same people, who want the same colours, same venue, and I fear everyone will be bored by the time it comes to me...just like everything. She has already done it first, so no one wants to listen to me.

I obviously have a really bad jealousy issue. I really do not know how to resolve it, as speaking to my family does no good, as they would not see it at all.
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Re: jealousy is effecting me

Postby LME79 » Fri Jan 07, 2011 9:09 pm

Ok, first things first.

Your sister has been sad for a while and has now recently found a guy - your parents are probably happy that she's happy again. You never know - they may have said the same thing about your boyfriend when you weren't in earshot. I remember when me and my ex split around 18 months ago, both my parents were very worried about me ... so when I got a new boyfriend and was happy again they were very happy. It may be the same here. Also, remember that it's a very recent thing so it's still very much the honeymoon period for all concerned. Regarding NYE, maybe your mum just wanted everyone together? She may well have said the same if you hadn't been there.

Right, the dependency thing. It's good that you've addressed it but you seem confused as to what you want to do. Do you want to move in with your boyfriend (and is this reciprocated by your boyfriend?) or do you want to stay at home with your mum? Have you lived out before? If not, maybe that's a fear thing of not being able to go it alone which is perfectly understandable. Why do you worry your mum will get sad on her own?

You don't say how old your sister is but if she's older then I'm guessing that this has happened all of your life, with you sister doing everything first (I know my younger sister felt very shadowed by me at times which was completely unintentional). With regards to marriage - you have to relax! Your sister's relationship is still very new and, like I said, still very much in the honeymoon period. It will settle down in a month. Even if she does get married before you, it doesn't matter. There is no way on earth that people would be bored by the time it gets to your turn. Besides, marriage is much more than the wedding itself - it's more than the colours, venue etc ... it's about the days that follow that.

You're young and in a very happy relationship - I think a lot of girls would like to have what you've got so I'd advise to take a step back and try to stop letting your mind fly into the future.

Hope this helps.

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