The decision

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The decision

Postby Occultusparvulus » Fri Jan 21, 2011 9:51 pm

So im at that point... Do i tell my therapist the name and identity of my abuser and have him prosecuted? I wanna share my journey with you all... If it will help someone then thats a huge bonus!
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Re: The decision

Postby Tarantula » Sat Jan 22, 2011 2:06 pm

I am going to PM you.
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Re: The decision

Postby captainf » Sun Jan 23, 2011 12:18 am

Sharing the name and ID of your abuser with your therapist is quite a big step. Naturally its up to you. I think it depends really on whether you have come to terms with it all, and whether you feel you can handle it if it goes to court.
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Re: The decision

Postby Occultusparvulus » Sun Jan 23, 2011 4:35 pm

Thank you so much for your reply Captainf.

I think for many people it's instinct to say I should give his name in, however there is so much to consider and so many other people's lives will be affected, which is why I can't just do it without considering the consequences.

I also need to weigh up the potential outcomes as with cases like these, where the abuse was years ago, there is no physical evidence so it'll be my word against his. And if he denies it all (which is most likely) then, because of the lack of evidence, it's more likely that he'd be found not guilty (this is what happens in the majority of cases like this).

So I really appreciate you acknowledging that this is a big step and considering the effect it would have upon myself. I think I need for people to look at it objectively and consider the bigger picture, rather than jumping straight to the "definitely report him".

Thanks again xxx
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Re: The decision

Postby ILoveChristmas » Mon Jan 24, 2011 10:43 am

I think it's incredible given your experiences (as I imagine them to be) that you're considering anyone but yourself. You're a very special person.

I don't think you should let the chances of conviction cloud your decision on whether to report him or not. He knows what he's done and conviction or not, the experience of being arrested, interviewed and taken to court will be at least some form of punishment whether he's convicted or not. It is, at least from the point of view of justice-hungry onlookers, better than nothing.

If he now has family that he didn't have before then yes there's no escaping the fact that his family's life would be seriously impacted, but how do you know they aren't also suffering at his hand?

Good luck with what you decide. Keep in touch with the forum.
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The decision

Postby Occultusparvulus » Mon Jan 24, 2011 6:22 pm

Thanks for your feedback :) i agree that me telling people who he is and what he is capable of will indeed have some effect! I also knowi shouldnt really decide based on whether he would or would not be found guilty. I have this huge fear of people thinking im lying, which is obviously going to affect me is he is found not guilty, if that makes sense? But then at the same time, as long as the people that matter to me believe me (which they do) then that should be all i need! Those that dont matter shouldnt matter, but they do, to me.

Its really good that i have decided to open up in cyberspace as this was i am getting a lot of different perspectives which is always useful! Im glad i can bounce my thoughts onto others who seem to not judge me at all - thanks for letting me do that xxx
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Re: The decision

Postby Occultusparvulus » Mon Jan 31, 2011 10:02 pm

Just a quick update.
I have decided that I am going to give the details of my abuser to my therapist next week and we are going to take it forward and I'm 99% sure I'm going to go ahead with prosecution.

Am absolutely petrified, and don't know what to expect. but all I've thought about since before Christmas is whether I should or shouldn't do this. I have come to the conclusion that if I don't do it that I won't be able to move on. I'm in therapy and feeling very stuck at the moment... This feels like its the step I need to take. Of course, I'm not 100% sure... I'm definitely sure I want to do it, but I, understandably, have my doubts. Them doubts will be there no matter how or when I make the decision.

Can I just say, to those of you who have gone ahead and prosecuted your abusers I have the biggest amount of respect for you all! It's one huge step to take and it's not easy! I can't say it's going to get easier from here, but with my family and mental health support fingers crossed I'll be ok xx
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