I feel so alone.

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I feel so alone.

Postby student1984 » Sun Mar 20, 2011 2:35 am

Hi. I don't really know how to do this but I really feel like I have exhausted all avenues.

I just feel lonely, and have felt like this for years. I'm a 26 year-old student and I am at my final year at university. Basically, I just don't know how to interact with people. Being at university I am constantly surrounded by people, but I feel like I exist in a bubble. I am invisible. As I write this there is a party going on downstairs and I am in my room and have just been crying. Nobody seems to have noticed that I am gone and all I was doing down there was sitting by myself drinking. Nobody ever comes to talk to me or even acknowledges me.

And I do try. I often try to go up to people and try to start a conversation, but I never know what to say and it always just comes across as awkward. People just don't understand me, and they always inevitably move onto someone 'more interesting'. In addition to this, because of the age-gap (most people are about 18-21) people look at me as 'the old man'.

I have been teased all my life because I am of slight build and so I am the object of weight jibes constantly. I know I'm just supposed to laugh it off, but how am I supposed to do that when it's the first thing that anyone ever notices? I have tried weight-gaining regimes but nothing works.

In regards to women, I have had a couple of encounters but they have never, ever led anywhere. Women have slept with me and then never contacted me again. My only real girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend shortly after she met him. I have tried dating sites (something that, admittedly, I am skeptical of) and despite creating a positive-sounding profile and following all the advice the site provides, I have never had a reply. I just have so much love to give but nobody seems to want it. I have sought professional help for my problem but all anyone wants to do is to medicate me for depression. How is that help?

I just don't feel anymore that I belong in this world. Does anyone else out there feel this way? Everyone in my life who I could talk to is happily in love with a partner and all they say is 'wait and see, you'll find someone', or 'be with more people'. But I cannot connect with anyone. Help me.
student1984
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Re: I feel so alone.

Postby snail » Sun Mar 20, 2011 12:39 pm

Hi Student. Hope you're feeling a bit brighter this morning.

I think most people have felt like you do at some time. I agree with you about medication for depression in your case, I don't think it's what you need. (I think this is one of the glaring failings of the NHS, that GPs reach for anti-depressants so readily. I had the same experience). I think you need 'talking therapy' - to see a counsellor or psychotherapist and discuss how you feel about yourself and how you relate to others. It can be life-changing, just to get professional help, support, and a different way of looking at things. Try going back to the doctor and asking for this. You need to stick with therapy, but if it's been 6 months plus and you don't think it will benefit you, find another therapist (you need to find the right one for you, they are NOT all the same).

In the mean time, practical things I would suggest:
- Read some of the problems on here. It will help you realise that everyone struggles and no one finds everything easy. It's hard to see this in real life because people try to hide it.
- Don't beat yourself up. You're a sensitive and intelligent person, you've gone to uni, and you're sticking with it. Your life is already going better than many people's.
- At your age, when most people are not married, I would try to meet girls in real life. Pick something like a hobby or a club so you have a shared interest, rather than bars or parties. By all means stay signed up to the dating sites, but they are difficult places for young men to find a date. Women get swamped with so many contacts, they are only able to pursue a few, and will only go for those that are really out of the ordinary. There's no chance for your finer or more subtle qualities to come across.
- Don't panic. You're still young, and the sort of problems you describe are those that get better with time. Your life will improve. In the meantime, don't let dissatisfaction with some areas of it spoil the other parts that are going well. Concentrate on studies, work, sport, hobbies, friends - whatever you want.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

Najwa Zebian
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Re: I feel so alone.

Postby student1984 » Sun Mar 20, 2011 4:29 pm

Hi Snail. Thank you for responding, I wasn't really expecting anyone to tbh lol. I'm okay I'm still feeling depressed but I'm out of bed. I'm in the middle of writing a movie script that I need to finish, so I have that to focus on today. The thing is, I can be okay when I'm on my own, as I don't feel the pressure to try and be social when I really don't know how to be, yet at the same time I feel lonely. There's the paradox. I seem to be at my worst and most depressed when there are plenty of people around ironically.

Thank you for your pointers. I actually took your advice and read some of the stuff on here and was surprised actually how much worse than mine some people's problems actually are. It might sound insensitive for me to say this but it actually did make me feel a little better.

Anyway just thought I'd say thank you for replying and for your support.
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