Anxiety disorder

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Anxiety disorder

Postby bethd_15 » Sun Mar 20, 2011 6:31 pm

Life is going well for me right now- I am extremely happy with my boyfriend, I have a set of good friends and, to my surprise, I'm getting pretty good grades at school. BUT. I have always been a very nervous and insecure person, lacking in self-confidence.

I get nervous at completely reasonable things. For example, the first time I went to my boyfriend's house I felt nervous meeting his family- who wouldn't? But it goes beyond that. The feeling I get when I'm nervous is unbearable- I get horrible pains in the tips of my fingers, I feel sick, I shake and my throat closes up- and the anxiety comes on at the stupidest of times. I'm getting sick of it and I feel like it holds me back in life.

I'm 16 and would like to start looking for a part-time job soon. But something holds me back- my anxiety and the fact that I lack self-confidence. I feel like these two problems link into one. I always think to myself that I'd be terrible, I wouldn't pick things up quickly, etc. This puts me off and also the fact that I know how I'd feel starting a new job. I'll also be starting college in September. I can't bare the thought of change and being alone in a class on the first day- my anxiety just gets to me at the most inconvenient times.

Also, I'm very happy with my boyfriend- we're very much in love and we've been together around two and a half months. However, I sometimes feel nervous about the intimate stuff- we have done "stuff" but I sometimes think to myself that I should be doing more, if you know what I mean? He'd never say anything as he loves me and would never pressure me but I can never push myself to go that bit further, and I want to, for myself.

Lastly, the worst anxiety that I suffer from is stage fright. All the feelings I experience when I'm normally nervous are heightened. Thankfully, I never really have to go in front of large crowds but when I do, and there may be a time soon when I have to, the anxious feelings I get are unbearable.

I'm thinking of telling my mum to see what she says and to see if I can get any sort of help- seeing someone or even just getting something like a self-help book may help me. I just need some advice on how to approach the subject of how I'm feeling!
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Re: Anxiety disorder

Postby lostshychild » Tue Apr 12, 2011 5:41 pm

i'm a very nervous shy person with very low confidence I also get shaky worry a lot and get a fast heart beat when i was young at school i felt like it was controlling my life and got very depressed also was being bullied for being quite you may be repressing some bad memory's and your brain is trying to protect you from people this was my case I remembered some really bad stuff that i blocked out of my mind thought i was going mad but was told the human mind will block out things if its under to much emotional shock and distress it usually comes back in flash backs not saying this maybe your case but maybe you should talk to someone about the way you feel councillors are nothing to be afraid of they are there to listen i told my doctor about my anxiety she gave me propranolol you can take it just before you go somewhere and it will stop the shaking or panic attacks also negative thoughts make anxiety worse so try to change the thought to a positive one
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Re: Anxiety disorder

Postby machine » Fri May 20, 2011 1:44 pm

Why have you labelled yourself as having a disorder? Trust me, you don't have a 'disorder'.

Read 'overcoming worry' if you want to help yourself.
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Re: Anxiety disorder

Postby brendo » Wed May 25, 2011 1:15 am

This is kind of tricky to reply to. You say everything is going well for you at the moment and yet you're focusing on all the little things that have gone wrong in the past. Can I ask you to consider this statement you made: 'I have always been a very nervous and insecure person, lacking in self-confidence.' Maybe you should consider rephrasing it as 'I have SOMETIMES been a very nervous and insecure person, lacking in self-confidence.' This doesn't sound like something that affects your day to day life. Or does it?

From what you've written, it sounds like you have the normal worries of a teenager but you seem to think its something more? Perhaps I've missed something here but you sound like you're on the right path at the moment. You were super nervous meeting your boyfriend's parents in the past but that's only natural. You may tend to be a little more nervous than your peers in certain circumstances but there's nothing to suggest that that won't change as you get a little older.

I was terrified too when I first went looking for a job at 16. The best thing to do here is to network - tell your friends, family and neighbours that you need a part time job and get them all to ask around. If you get a job through someone you know, its far less daunting that going to work for complete strangers. Also, look back at what you have accomplished to date - your good grades and friends means you will be a capable and friendly worker, an ideal candidate for most jobs. Write a short letter to yourself outlining all your good qualities and accomplishments and read it every morning before you leave the house. Try to reinforce a more positive self image in your mind.

The first day of college is terrifying but everyone else is in the same situation. People will attach themselves to you quite quickly on the first day as everyone wants a buddy to get through the first couple of days. You might become long term friends or you might not but you won't be alone for more than two hours on your first day. I can promise you that :)

As for going the whole way with your boyfriend, there is absolutely no rush. Most of my friends didn't lose their virginity until their early twenties so don't feel pressured. Your boyfriend can wait if you're not ready.

Now, your stage fright. There are different help books on the subject but they're only as good as what you put into them i.e. there are usually mental exercises and techniques that you will have to practice regularly - just reading the book is not enough. Everyone gets nervous in these situations, what I find that helps is cracking a polite joke early on or pretending I am someone else i.e I am playing a character that has to give a speech to his classmates or whatever.

To be honest, none of these issues are any real problem so I'm not sure what you're concern is? If there is something I'm missing, please post again and let me know. You're doing fine from what I've read. Just remember that you don't have to solve all of your life's issues all at once. Take one thing at a time and one day at a time :)
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” -Albert Einstein
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