I have a good life but feel like I'm not coping

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I have a good life but feel like I'm not coping

Postby LME79 » Mon Mar 28, 2011 8:06 pm

Hi all,

I feel pretty silly for what I'm about to write. I was going to bump my quarter life crisis thread but I don't think it's related to that.

Ok. I have a good life and I know I do which is why I feel so stupid. My wonderful boyfriend and I are moving in together to a great part of the city, I have fantastic friends and family and I earn a good salary. Plus my job is good on paper.

The job is what triggers the crying. I'm crying pretty much every other day either before, after or during work. I feel like I've hit a brick wall in terms of my career (in fact I'm almost convinced I made a mistake leaving my old job to move across) and because I've only been there for six months I don't feel like I should or could move on yet as it'll look awful on my CV. Without going into the horrendous details, I'm essentially doing two full time jobs for one salary, have spoken to superiors about it on numerous occasions but I'm still in the same boat. I'm even wondering whether I'm in the right career any more which is weird because I worked so hard to first of all get into the industry I'm in and then to get where I am now. Which makes me cry too when I think about it too much.

The thing is, I don't feel like I have the right to be crying. What with such horrible global events recently I know I have it pretty good. I also found out recently that a friend from years back died suddenly (he was only in his mid 30s) so I've been putting loads of things in perspective and repeating "don't sweat the small stuff". But I'm finding that more and more difficult to adhere to and I really don't know how.

In short, I just feel like I'm not coping with anything and I feel like an utter failure for that - simply because I do have it good. So why am I not completely happy? Am I ideal chasing or something?

Any advice welcomed :(

LMEx
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Re: I have a good life but feel like I'm not coping

Postby snail » Thu Mar 31, 2011 12:14 pm

It's difficult to give solid advice on these kinds of problems, because all you can really do is throw the questions back at the person asking them - why are you not happy? What is missing? And so on. Because only you actually know the answers. All I can suggest is that you constantly ask yourself what you really want. I always think of it (but rarely say it, because it sounds so corny) as: What does your soul want? What does it want right at this moment?

It's not relevant about the disaster in Japan, or what anyone else is or isn't doing. Feelings are NOT comparative - if you lack something you feel the pain of that, regardless of anyone else's situation. Also, everyone is different and you can never really know what someone else feels anyway - something that is devastating for one person might pass over another almost unnoticed. You only know what you feel.

The only thing that does spring to mind from things you've written at various times is that you do seem quite concerned to 'tick boxes' - good job, nice boyfriend, suitable CV etc. Perhaps you're achieving things that are conventionally considered desirable but aren't what you actually want?
How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.

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Re: I have a good life but feel like I'm not coping

Postby captainf » Thu Mar 31, 2011 9:53 pm

You've probably lost your 'go' for the job because as you said you're working 2 fulltime jobs in an industry you was once passionate about. Its actually possible to be made to work so hard for certain jobs that eventually you lose your passion for them over time - abit like a relationship - you spend too much time together and rather than attract eachother you start to repel.
Maybe if you can try and sort things out on the job front and drop one of the jobs it might make your life abit easier. Or maybe you can take some annual leave and think through things properly and decide what it is that you want to do. Having a job is great, but it shouldnt be something that takes over your life to the extent that its all you do and think about because obviously and clearly it is having a negative affect.

Maybe some counselling maybe worth your while?
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Re: I have a good life but feel like I'm not coping

Postby LME79 » Fri Apr 08, 2011 7:38 am

Hi both,

Sorry for late reply. Snail, I never really thought that I tick boxes but I guess that's true to an extent - I only really do it careerwise e.g. has to be creative, has to be structured, has to be this, has to be that etc which I think is why I get so het up about it.

After a lot of thinking, it is definitely the job which has brought me down and for good reasons - I was deliberating whether I was making a mountain out of a molehill but even though I ended up being unhappy at my last job, I was there for YEARS and was very happy for the first two years - I've only been at this place for seven months and am treated as the person to plug various gaps; the role I was interviewed for was definitely mis-sold to me and I don't trust the company anymore. So many promises that don't come through.

I guess this should be in the work forum ... but it's having an effect on me mentally. I'm (apparently) more withdrawn, am comfort eating like crazy and am crying every other day or night (or both) - certainly every Sunday night. I can't go on like this. But as usual I'm worried that if I get a new job (have actually been approached by somebody without me looking yet) then the people I'll leave behind will be dropped right in it. But then I can't stay just for others, can I?

I just know that I need to stop feeling this low. My confidence is at an all time low.
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Re: I have a good life but feel like I'm not coping

Postby Skarlet » Fri Apr 08, 2011 8:54 am

Hey LME,

You can't think about the people you will leave behind. You need to look after your mental health, and if moving jobs is going to be the best option for that then do it. Sod everyone else, they can take care of the job, they will find someone else. Just get yourself out of that situation, so you aren't crying everyday and that you work for someone you can trust and actually enjoy your job.

:grouphug:

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Re: I have a good life but feel like I'm not coping

Postby jen » Fri Apr 08, 2011 8:58 am

Hiya

I agree with skarlet, you've got to put yourself first in this situation, especially as it's affecting your health.

Life is what you make it and it's all about bettering yourself and this job is making you miserable. I think you've got to think about what is best for you and let everyone else worry about what is best for them. It's not selfish to want to be happy.

Hope you're ok.

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Re: I have a good life but feel like I'm not coping

Postby retrochav » Sat Apr 09, 2011 3:19 pm

You cant influence the global events, only empathise and perhaps offer donations of time or money. Your own life can be influenced.

There is no shame in changing career, changing work place, or simply staying with it and having a good cry and rant as and when you need to. Remeber you have choices and are entitled to those.

My advice is to weigh up all options and then make a longer term action plan. Treat yourself as best as you can, do spontaneous treats and events (even running bare foot in a park) to give your life some more fun.

I've been in your shoes some 12 years ago, and can definatly say that making a plan over many months or years gives back the control you lack at present.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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