Huge problem, please help :(

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Huge problem, please help :(

Postby ohdear » Sun May 08, 2011 11:57 pm

I dunno if this is in the right place but I need to speak to someone.

I could tell the huge story but I don't want to go too much into detail, as I'll just end up crying again.

The start of the problem, the one thing I need help getting my head around, is this. Last night I was at a party. I was blind drunk, and passed out. I woke up and someone was having sex with me. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm walking around the house with no purpose. I can't bring myself to eat, and all I want to do is die. I've had depression for years but now I'm pretty much desperate to just kill myself. I can't tell anyone I know, I can't bring myself to do it. Someone please help me?
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Re: Huge problem, please help :(

Postby brendo » Mon May 09, 2011 12:30 am

Hi,

Ok, take a few deep breaths and take a moment to make a simple plan for yourself now. You have gone through an experience beyond words that has turned you upside down. Feelings of despair and helplessness are natural reaction to such a situation.

I do think you need to talk to someone about this asap. If you can't talk to anyone you know then I suggest you call the Rape Support Centre on 0808 802 9999. Its ok if you call them and just cry down the phone - that is what they are there for. However, I strongly suggest you confide in someone you know about what happened. They don't need to know the full details, just that you are traumatised. The physical presence of a friend can bring so much comfort and support that you need right now - please please please reach out to someone.

I want you to know also that none of what happened was in any way you fault. Many people have passed out drunk and have awoke in a safe environment (myself included). I would reach out and hug you now if I could. Please talk to someone - write them a letter or a note if its difficult to talk about without breaking down. Friends and family only want to help and support you. Let them in. Please
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” -Albert Einstein
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Re: Huge problem, please help :(

Postby ohdear » Mon May 09, 2011 10:32 am

Thank you for replying.

Its a lot more complicated than I first said. The man who did it was my best friend, and he seems to think that he's done nothing wrong. I really love him and don't want him to get into any trouble.

I live with my daughter, she is my everything. Being with her is the only time I can be happy. That's too much to pile onto anyone, nevermind a toddler. I've only recently separated from her father, it was a very amicable split and he has been fantastic. I'm falling in love with him again and we're getting closer than we have been for ages. If I tell him, it will ruin everything. He'll be so mad at me, and he won't want to see me anymore.

I can't tell anyone else, because this is not the first time someone has done something like this (although it was under completely different circumstances) and I'm scared nobody will believe me. I don't want anyone to think bad of my best friend either.

I'm so confused. I can't have my daughter being around me, when I just seem to attract these men. My ex, who I'm hoping to get back with, deserves better than me because he is so amazing, he's always pushing me to be the best I can be but I am not good, at all. The only thing that makes sense to me is to just die. Then everyone can get on with their lives instead of me ruining it all the time. Sorry about the length of this.
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Re: Huge problem, please help :(

Postby brendo » Mon May 09, 2011 11:58 am

Its is a complex situation but there's no reason to suffer alone. You say your ex will be so mad at you if you tell him - I wonder why you'd say that? You can't really read his mind or predict his reaction, perhaps you're just expecting the worst? You've described him as an amazing person, surely that means something?

I appreciate that you love your friend but he has done something very distressing to you. You don't want to get him in trouble and yet you later refer to him as one of 'these men'
I just seem to attract these men


I hope this isn't upsetting you - I'm just reflecting back what you've said here. Is there any female friend or family member you can turn to at the moment? You talk only about the male adults in your life and I wonder if a female confidant might be a better person to lean on right now?
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” -Albert Einstein
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Re: Huge problem, please help :(

Postby Ticktock » Mon May 09, 2011 2:39 pm

You are obviously going through hell at the moment, and for the sake of your daughter you need to put those feelings to one side and decide what to do.

You can either tell someone and try to get your friend in trouble, or you can leave it and try and deal with the issues while your friend walks away scot free.

If your daughter asks you in a few years time which would you want to tell her?
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Re: Huge problem, please help :(

Postby ohdear » Tue May 10, 2011 3:50 pm

I'm at a loss of what to :( I was meant to have been getting councilling since last October but the doctor is useless. All the GP's at my doctors surgery just want to see to me as quick as possible and get me out, so I just get more tablets and get on my way.

I'm also terrified of my daughter being taken away from me. Don't get me wrong, if I thought for one second that I wasn't capable of looking after her, I would tell someone. I wouldn't risk my daughter for anything. How much can I tell someone without them thinking I'm a risk to my daughter? I might sound big headed but I know I am an absolutely brilliant mummy, I really do my best, my girl deserves nothing better.

There was a health visitor I used to see when my daughter was just born. She was fantastic, and it was only down to her that I got help with my depression in the first place. Would I be able to talk to her about it do you think?

Thank you for replying.
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Re: Huge problem, please help :(

Postby brendo » Wed May 11, 2011 2:34 pm

Generally speaking, your daughter is only at risk of being taken away from you if you are deemed an unfit parent. As this particular incident was out of your control then I don't see how it can reflect badly on you. This is however, assumming you don't regularly drink too much? (I'm not passing judgement, just trying to look at this from all angles)

The fact that this health worker was a supportive person before bodes well and I think it may be a good idea to contact her again if that's possible. She understands that you suffer from depression and seems keen to have your daughter stay with you which is very positive. I would reach out to her if I were out.

However, I wouldn't rule out seeing a psychologist, maybe the health worker can get you an appointment? Sharing your story with a doctor or counsellor is perfectly safe, they are obliged to keep this information confidential unless they believe there is an imediate risk to your life or the life of another. That is not the case here so I think you'll be fine in disclosing this story with one of them. People generally want to help and not hurt someone in your situation.
“Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” -Albert Einstein
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Re: Huge problem, please help :(

Postby ohdear » Sat May 14, 2011 12:14 am

On Tuesday night, I just couldn't take anymore. I gathered all the tablets in my house and I was going to end it all. I just couldn't go through with it, I couldn't leave my daughter. I called a crisis line and they suggested I went to see them, at the hospital. I rang my ex and he came to my house while I went to the hospital.

I've seen a few people from the crisis team since, and I've had a meeting with a psychiatrist. We're going to try me on a different anti depressant and I'll be getting councilling asap, probably in a couple of weeks. I overheard him talking to his assistant and he said I've gone from depression, to manic depression, which explains a lot (although I could have misheard him). They've assured me they won't be taking my daughter, as she is the one thing keeping me safe, and they can see I'm a good mummy.

I've told my mum (about everything that's happened from Tuesday), and only two friends. My mum told my auntie, and they've all been great. They've been really supportive and I'm getting daily phone calls from the crisis team to make sure I'm doing ok.

I just want to say thank you to everyone who replied to me, you really did help me. There's something so therapeutic about talking about my problems with strangers as I absolutely can not speak about anything like that with my friends and family. I know I'm not out of the woods yet, as I'm still feeling the same way but with help and hard work I should get there eventually. I know I can always come on here and get the support I need, I think you're all fantastic people.

Thank you xxxx
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Re: Huge problem, please help :(

Postby Ticktock » Sat May 14, 2011 1:06 am

Glad to hear you are getting help and although you aren't out the woods yet this is a positive first step.

Stay strong for your little girl, she is so lucky to be loved that much by you x
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Re: Huge problem, please help :(

Postby snail » Sat May 14, 2011 9:01 am

I'm glad to hear you have some practical support and things are looking up. Do please keep us updated.
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Huge problem, please help :(

Postby ohdear » Thu Jun 23, 2011 10:35 pm

Hi everyone, I'm back again lol.
I saw the psychiatrist on Monday, and I'm getting cognitive behavioural therapy at the moment. I have to keep a mood diary but I can't find a sausage pen in this daft house!
My palpitations are back, and I have anxiety problems yet again. Back are the nightmares and comfort eating. So yeah, I'm in a bit of a state really :(
I did get out today with my daughter though, so I'm quite proud of that :) I dunno what to do with myself still.
Thank you for reading
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Re: Huge problem, please help :(

Postby snail » Fri Jun 24, 2011 8:56 am

There must be some places you can take her in this nice weather. And keep the updates coming, please :P
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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Re: Huge problem, please help :(

Postby ohdear » Mon Jul 25, 2011 11:34 pm

Helloooo,
Thought I'd drop a note to y thing are starting to look up. I'm still a bit of an emotional wreck all the time but I'm managing myself better. I've got mine and my daughter's birthday coming up, so I'm putting all my energy into her party (not so much mine as it is just a little thing for me) and I'm really looking forward to our birthdays :D I've been trying hard not to think about what happened, there's nothing I can do about it now.
Thank you, everyone, for helping me. I really appreciate it :D
xxx
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Re: Huge problem, please help :(

Postby snail » Tue Jul 26, 2011 10:21 am

Good to hear that you're feeling better :)
These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb.

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