Why can't people accept me the way I am?

For problems with mental or emotional well being.
Forum rules
NEW USERS HAVE TO WAIT FOR THEIR FIRST POSTS TO BE APPROVED BY AN ADMINISTRATOR. Rules | Essential Information | FAQ | Support | Twitter

Why can't people accept me the way I am?

Postby lowopinionated » Tue Jul 19, 2011 10:39 pm

I don't know where to start, but I've been thinking lately that in the eyes of this world and "society" in general I must be a really "sad" person;

I'm now 40, male, single, share a house with a relative, never had much success with meeting anyone special, only do a sub 20,000 a year job. It's like when you are at work because your workmates, whether you like it or not, get to know you really well as you see them 5 days a week, many days a year. You can't always choose your workmates but I'm just fed up with them all laughing at me.

They say they are my friends and want to help me, but so many of the things they are suggesting I do to change my life, I just don't agree with.

I don't listen to the same music as them, hardly watch any TV, don't see the same films they see at the cinema and don't drink loads of booze like they do. I'm not going round womanising either like many blokes think is the "right" thing to do.

I can chat about some things in the news etc and the odd TV programme but I think people think I'm boring. But the things they've tried to help me with are just not going to work..........

E.g, so far, I've had a womanising bloke tell me that I need to change my hairstyle and get up to date trendy clothes. That may all look good on a 20 something but not on a greying 40 year old. Many of the clothes which are the latest fashion I think look just stupid!! But I don't dress like I'm in the past or anything!!

Same bloke keeps offering to lend me violent weird films or horror films or the DVD of the comedy series "The Inbetweeners". I know some of you reading this are probably going to say "Oh but you must see it, its brilliant!" Well I saw a few clips on Youtube and thought it was pretty pathetic and way too rude for me. I'm not a total prude and can laugh at the odd bit of dirty humour, but mine tends to be more "Carry on filmish" and only slightly risque not out and out filth!! So I've never been interested in it.

I keep getting advice on how to date - Last Christmas they were trying to "pretend" to set me up with an attractive girl, 11 years younger than me, (they are all friendly with in the office) but it turned out, I honestly didn't think she would be interested (and I was right she wasn't) and instead (a couple of months later) ended up sleeping with the guy in the office I mentioned in the above paragraph (when he is already seeing another girl for over a year, who doesn't know this happened). Also the girl they "pretended" to set me up with, I don't think much of anyway, she's like most of the atrractive girls I've known, they get big headed, and are just choosy about blokes and she does a lot of slagging off about "sad" people which I apparantley would be typical of. Sounds like she practically tried to seduce the berk in my office, but he didn't need any encouragement! A lot of it was probably the booze anyway, but my opinion of her went down hill after that.

The people in the office do a lot of slagging off of people which is quite unfair and wrong, and enjoy a lot of practical jokes and wind ups. They also do a lot of mickey taking of people who just sit in the same job for years and never bother to better themselves and other things like about their lifestyle and make judgements based on what they don't really know. I just simply don't do that, I always find it irritating and they always say I take things too seriously. They notice I never do those things and also make comments about, if I came out on a night out I'd be too frightened to even look at a topless woman at a strip bar, and generally their attitude is that I need to live in the real world.

If the way they talk about some people that I hear is anything to go by, if I heard what I'm sure they'd say about me, I probably want to hate their guts and stab the bloke in the gut, shove one of the girls glasses down her throat and scar the other girls pretty face. I know that sounds worrying and horrid when I say that, and to be honest I wouldn't do it (I do want to end up in prison) but that is how angry I feel sometimes. I just hate it when they take that attitude with me and there have been times when I've told them about other wind ups people in my previous job did to me when I was 18/19 and I tried to get one mouthy girl back by putting a drawing pin on her seat. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't do it now, and she found the pin before sitting on it, and had a right go at me about being so nasty and evil and what was wrong with me, and couldn't I take a joke??? When they heard that story, they said I was mad, to react like that about a wind up!! But I can't find that sort of thing funny. :evil:

I must sound so awful, - it's not as if I haven't got any friends outside of work, - I have, and I enjoy their company when I'm out. They are from hobby clubs I'm in, as I like classic motor cars, old TV shows and films and collecting and repairing old toys. I like older music and can't be bothered with modern stuff which everybody in the office likes. Trouble is, there doesn't seem to be any eligible women in their mid to late 30's, who are into those interests! :roll: OK, if my workmates enjoy their modern music, that's up to them, I don't slag them off but I'm just fed up with them ramming their "culture" down my throat. Can't be bothered with hearing about Chery Cole and Kings of Leon and that idiot Plan B.

I don't mind being friendly, and I'm not a silly loser who sits at home and never goes out to social activities at work, but they gripe that I never do anything else, when they keep wanting me to come out and party with them. One Saturday night, I got a text from them saying, "hey come on and meet us tonight" - It was 5 mins to 11 at night when I got the text!! I was in fact just going to bed, so I texted one back and said "Are you having a laugh? Forget it - Why couldn't you ask me at about 7 pm or something". And they thought I was silly being amazed that they texted me that late to meet up with them. :o I live about 20 miles from where they live!

I really do think "What's the flaming matter with them? - idiots!" Another few times, we've been down the carvery, on a Friday night. OK, i join them to keep them happy (the foods always good for the price) but then I have to listen to endless tripe from "Mr Bighead" who just seems to poke fun at me at my expense just to make the other silly tarts laugh. ](*,)

Other irritating allegedly harmless pranks have included, putting my name on every duty on the rota for every day, decorating my computer with rubbish, and sending prank emails.

I know this might sound like harmless fun, but I just get fed up because they seem to be picking on me. I know there's this "thing" that if people can take a joke like that OK, then they're cool people but I just can't find anything like that funny.

They also think nothing of rabbiting about their sex lives and having loads of partners in their live is something normal - which makes me feel embarressed, as I simply don't have one! Yes really!

I'm don't feel the need to want to go round having sex with anything in a skirt, like a rampant rabbit, like the berk in my office. I DO admire an attractive woman, but I don't know what her personality is like, I probably wouldn't like it.

Maybe it all stems to me being a private person who just isn't very condfident and brought up by a stiff upper lip patriarchal father, who while I loved and remember fondly, he really didn't seem to want me to do anything till late in life and wanted to bring me up so I never made any mistakes. But I think it's just made me unconfident, and I take after him in many ways, as he was a bit of a synic and a worryer and not always positive and quite short tempered.

I just feel so out of place among the work people, there were some there I could talk to easy and feel relaxed around, but they were older people who have retired or moved on to other jobs. Really I suppose it boils down to 2 people in my office, one bloke and one girl, (the other one I mentioned, I don't see much), and another girl I don't have too much of a problem with, but is friendly with the irritating ones (although they are a bit rude about her sometimes).

I also think "the 2" are pretty immature and both have a child each, but still carry on partying like they are 21, when she is 32 and the bloke is 36. I also am not a heavy drinker, I don't want to drink loads and I'm putting hangovers in the past now (I have had them when I was younger with my mates and brother, but even they don't do all that now either). So they just call me "lightweight"! :roll:

All this "not living in the real world" and not being "cool" just gets on my nerves and it just depresses me, I'm happy living my private life but it's like they are trying to make me feel guilty about me being me!

Thing is (I don't know they've got a cheek really) the say they are my friends, and want to help but it's the sort of advice they are giving out - they are trying to change me into something I never will be, and I'd just wish they'd accept me for what I am.

All I want to do in life, is look after and care for my relatives, have enough money to live, have some good friends, hang on to my current job, or still be able to get a reasonable job in the future if I have to, enjoy my hobbies, enjoy the odd holiday and help other people sometimes when I'm able. I don't want a fortune of money, do loads of pointless stupid things for a reputation and as for relationships, I only want one humble lovely lady who accepts me for who I am, but then I can't force that to happen. And so many of the women are so hung up on looks, money, status, not to mention personality (which I find I don't have much of), wit, charm or being a hard case or what he's like in bed. OK, I don't have any sex life at the moment, so therefore I'm going to get judged as being a bit pathetic "not knowing what to do". (Aaaaarghhh! Stupid maniacal tarts!).

Really the people who criticise me are the sad, pathetic losers who need to get a life - not the likes of me and similar people.

Sorry if this has gone on and on too much or is in the wrong section, I just needed to get it off my chest. Welcome any comments. Thank you for reading.
Mikey Mike
lowopinionated
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 51
Joined: Mon Jun 16, 2003 8:53 pm
Location: Engerland
Gender: Male

Re: Why can't people accept me the way I am?

Postby Ticktock » Wed Jul 20, 2011 12:18 am

That was one long rant, why can't you accept yourself the way you are?

You acknowledge for the most part they are idiots yet it seems to matter to you what they think.

Also the aggression you feel towards women isn't right, some women are shallow and venal, so are some men, but the anger you express goes way beyond that.

If you meet the right woman then she won't give a stuff about your inexperience, life isn't a porn movie!

For yourself go and get some counselling and see if you can get to the bottom of why you feel so threatened and frustrated by the world going on around you, you might also want to consider you display some of the classic symptoms of aspergers syndrome...
User avatar
Ticktock
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 352
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 8:01 am
Gender: Male

Re: Why can't people accept me the way I am?

Postby lowopinionated » Wed Jul 20, 2011 8:07 pm

Thanks Ticktock. I've just looked up Aspergers on the net. It does seem to tie in with how I feel sometimes. Yet many times, I've enjoyed myself with loads of other people who are different to me, and been to concerts, the cinema etc and people have said I seem very nice!! :)

I think I'll have to chat with a few sensible people to get to the bottom of this although I'm not sure how to explain it to work people. I do tend to be OK with a lot of repetitive tasks and like detail and neatness. People have noticed this at work, and why I don't seem so phased by boring repetitive jobs but have trouble and seem to fear talking to strangers. Which is why I found it so horrendous at times when dealing with customers face to face in my old job, mainly with the difficult ones.

I've known other people who have been a bit like it in previous jobs (although they seemed a bit worse than me), but I've realsied now I seem to get on well with them, even though I found some of what they did a bit odd!

I think I always felt different, and this why I got bitter about being picked on at school and in the youth club and sometimes at work. It all seems to make sense now. Well I'll have to work on it and take it from there.

I'm sorry if I came across as a woman hater too, I didn't mean too, they are not all like that, I actually get on with plenty, but was always scared of them since I was a boy, mainly the girls nearer my age. People noticed and made fun of me for being gay, which I'n not. I'm not that scared, I've hugged, held hands, and kissed a number of them, so if I really disliked them, I wouldn't have done that.

So I'm a tricky old case, I guess, but it's making people understand. Thanks again. :)
Mikey Mike
lowopinionated
One of the Crowd
One of the Crowd
 
Posts: 51
Joined: Mon Jun 16, 2003 8:53 pm
Location: Engerland
Gender: Male

Re: Why can't people accept me the way I am?

Postby Ticktock » Thu Jul 21, 2011 1:02 am

Hope it helps, I may of course be way off base, but what you said reminded me of a young boy I worked with as a youth worker in another life, and adults with aspergers often are way less pronounced as they learn the cues to read people properly.

Good luck with your conversations :)
User avatar
Ticktock
Familiar Face
Familiar Face
 
Posts: 352
Joined: Tue Apr 12, 2011 8:01 am
Gender: Male


Return to Mental wellbeing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests

cron