How low can you go?

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How low can you go?

Postby cambot » Sun Aug 21, 2011 10:52 pm

Hi all.. this might be a rarity a problem not involving a male (entirely).. lol. :-({|=

Um... Well I guess.. The short story of it is that I have struggled with quite serious Depression since I was 14 years old. For a number of reasons, causes and traumas. I have never sought councilling for it and never taken anything for it. But it has been serious enough for my mum to move me 100 miles away from where I was living for "a new break" because partly, she was worried about what I was getting into, there have been a few break downs 1 extremely serious and a couple that werent so bad, over doses, self harming and at one point.. the point that scares me the most, trying to inject air into my veins because I knew it would give me an embolism and kill me in seconds... But I am happy to say that this was when I was a lot younger and for a while it hasn't reared it's ugly head. I would never ever attempt anything like that again because I know that as awful as you feel on minute, it could all change in the next and you could be really happy....... it's just not worth ending it all over, theres too much to see and do.. so there is no need to worry people..

So the post is purely because... I can feel it creeping back... The way I tend to describe this feeling is like a storm.. I dont think I've ever had a "clear day".. never ever been ecstatically happy with no problems what so ever but for awhile now its been "dry" but right now I can see it in the distance building. And I think it could be a bad one. The reason I say this is because last year I had it so good, I had amazing friends, a fantastic job, a great guy, having an amazing time down south and then since September it's all crumbled apart.. I moved back home and for awhile I had no job, my friends here are dwindling because they're getting married and what not, I got completly manipulated by someone I used to call a friend (not the first time either!) she came in between me and my fella, for months he couldnt see it and didnt believe me,I had to pretend it was all fine and dandy til it exploded when we were away. That's since been cleared up but the fact is I've still lost him (& hes like my best friend too) I'm now working a terribly boring job that I hate and in the week it seems thats all I do. And weekends go so fast I barely get time to do anything. Im stressed out living at home but cant afford to move yet. I have other financial problems which I think may errupt any day and my "career" is at a dead end already. I'm supposed to be doing something but for the life of me I can't bring my self to do it or even answer emails about it-which is bad because this happened with the other person and I dont want to let everyone down but Im just so down about everything it exhausts me to even think about it. And where as I seem to be okay from one day to the next and I dont feel like theres any cause for alarm yet, I know that this is the lowest I have been for a long long time and I know that if something doesnt give or something doesnt change I know that I'm going to have serious problems like before...But I dont know what to do, I dont know how to make changes anymore, I dont think I have any fight left in me.. I'm half the firey, determind confident person I used to be but I dont know where she's gone!! I just dont know anything.. Part of me just wants to go away, but I dont have the money to go off like that and I know Id just end up coming back to these problems anyway so whats the point!!! Also all the people that I'd usually talk to.. I dont know where they've gone.. I dont trust people easily but the people I did... my best friend (not him) Ive fallen out with because I got annoyed with everyone just speaking to me when they want something and never being around when I need them! My best friend down south moved back to spain, my "smoking buddy" is seeing a new guy and has a very busy life (she does SAMS) and hasnt answered my texts - just general ones not whingey ones, and well my guy who was always there for me... its not appropriate for me to speak to him like that anymore.. so I dont know who to talk to and I dont want to see a "pro" I already feel crazy without making it official!!

So I dunno theres my whinge.. what can I do to make the changes?? How can I get back to the person I used to be? Everytime I think I'm on the mend, within hours I feel terrible again!
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Re: How low can you go?

Postby captainf » Sun Aug 21, 2011 11:14 pm

Sounds like you're in a bad spot but I think that you have to remember that its not going to be like this all the time. Like you said, for now you could feel bad but one day you could end up really happy and thats most likely what will happen.
Are you close with your mum? Can you talk to her? I was thinking that as your friends are so unrealiable you could maybe talk to your mother and maybe she can offer support and assistance in some way? Of course ProblemPages is a good source of support too so you can always talk on here, but I dont think you should rule out a counsellor either, but if you cant talk to one right now, please consider it if you get worse.

Regarding to how you can try and make changes, I think that one of the things you need to do is just do some things that keep you busy and that you enjoy. I dont necessarily mean going out and drinking loads, what I do mean though is finding something nice and relaxing to do that will keep you busy but also be fulfilling. Maybe walks by the lake, take up photography, or painting/drawing.. maybe start a class, or study with the Open Uni which may also open up new opportunities for you regarding to work.

With regards to work, I think that if you are that unhappy you should probably try looking elsewhere. You can use the usual job sites to find jobs, head down the job center but you can also try looking on GumTree as that site can be great for finding work locally.

Just an after thought - why not keep a diary, write down how you feel, whats making you feel like that. It might well help you vent your feelings abit.
Remember how the runway lights looked one night long ago when you were lost and found your way, and how-you still dont know?
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Re: How low can you go?

Postby Bel Bel » Mon Aug 22, 2011 2:56 pm

I never used to think that much of conselling until my daughter got severly bullied one day by a large gang of girls. Those few minutes took away all the confidence and self belief my daughter had and made her go into a shell of her former self. I sent her for cognitive therapy and it was the best thing I ever did. She and I have since recommended the therapist to several friends and friends of friends. This therapy has changed the life of many people. Some who like you suffered severe bouts of depresssion to the point of no longer being able to function on a daily basis. Weeks on the change in these people and their lives was amazing to see.
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