Where do I go from here?

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Re: Where do I go from here?

Postby rufio89 » Tue Mar 27, 2012 4:55 pm

Hi f-p

Firstly, good luck this afternoon! I suppose you'll actually be done by now, so update us when you can.

The counsellors wont advise on meds, you'd need to go back to your doctor for that. Dont be silly, it's natural to have crushes on your doctor! I think I've had a bit of a crush on basically any male doctor under the age of 50 who wasnt repulsively unattractive.

I hope your appointment went ok! xx
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Re: Where do I go from here?

Postby highlandcow » Tue Mar 27, 2012 6:07 pm

I've just seen this, so you'll be all done by now. Hope it went OK?

Also, with regard to the doctor, you shouldn't feel bad about that. It's very common in fact, particularly when the issues concern your mental well-being.
I think it's called transference.

In fact, yes it is... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transference

If you feel it's right to not see that doctor anymore then fair enough, they'll have it all on record anyway.

Let us know how you got on. :D xox
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Re: Where do I go from here?

Postby f-p » Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:25 am

Hi....

Haha, I’m glad it’s not only me that has silly crushes. I wonder if I will be the same with any of them if they have a good bedside manner! ;) But this one is definitely young(ish) and gorgeuous!
I have had a little look at transference myself, I have seen this doctor before and always thought he was good looking… But it has turned into a major crush now lol. I am quite emotionally immature sometimes, and I think and it is starting to show!
I might go and see him one last time and then just ask if I need to keep seeing him or if I should just make future appointments with any available doc (you always have to wait longer if you want to see a specific one) If I find another doc that I relate to (but don’t fancy) then I could stick with them instead

The appointment yesterday went okay I guess... I don't really know what I was expecting but I have to say that I can't see how it's gong to help much. But I think that's a common thing for initial appointments and I know I have to give it some time.

It was actually a CPN that saw me and she wants to take me onto her case load for now for some depression management, then I will be referred to a counselor from the same team later on. That’s what I think is going to happen anyway, it was all a little bit of a blur and I didn't really ask any questions. I guess things will probably become clearer as time goes on.

I'm a little on edge today, quite low really. But this seems to be a common thing for me after each milestone.
I am going to see about increasing my meds, or trying some different ones. I hate going to the docs, I feel like I’m wasting their time… But at the moment, I feel at a really low ebb and I know that I need to do something else. I could probably have discussed it with the CPN (they do meds don’t they?) but I don’t have another appointment with her until 13th April now, and I feel like I need to keep moving forward somehow….

I do have another question, but it’s more about how to fit this in around my work life… So I’ll go put it somewhere else later… This post is quite long enough on its own :)
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Re: Where do I go from here?

Postby f-p » Mon Apr 16, 2012 9:18 pm

](*,)
I have just typed a lengthy reply on here, must have pressed a wrong button and made it disappear.

I can't write it all again... maybe it said somethings nobody needs to know. fate??

But anyway, I had my 2nd appointment with the CPN on Friday. I still don't think it's going to do me much good... She basically read to me out of a booklet for half an hour then told me to go and practice challenging my negative thinking. Ugh, The examples she used were not very helpful. Yes, I know I have a house, job, friends etc. Doesn't really make me feel any better.

I know I have to give it time, but I would be better served with couselling I think. Oh I don't know, baby steps on a long long road I suppose.

There was more I wrote earlier, but my brain has gone flat now... I can't think how to put it into words now

But I do know that I really need to stop worrying about what people think of me.
The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning ~Ivy Baker Priest~
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Re: Where do I go from here?

Postby rufio89 » Tue Apr 17, 2012 9:15 am

what sort of help do you think would be helpful? what are you hoping to gain from the therapy?

That session does sound spectacularly awful. There's nothing worse when youre feeling really awful about yourself and things than someone saying 'but you're so lucky!'

How many more sessions do you have with the CPN?
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Re: Where do I go from here?

Postby f-p » Tue Apr 17, 2012 12:56 pm

Hi Rufio,

That could be part of the problem... I don't really know what I want to gain from it, I don't know what to expect from it.
I guess right now, I need/want to learn how to want to help myself (if that makes sense) On some level at the minute I feel like I'm holding myself back from being truely happy, partly because of the fear of something else going wrong I guess. When I'm distracted, I'm okay, but when I have time to myself I don't seem to allow myself to feel even content most of the time.

I can't help but think I would benefit more from talking to someone rather that being talked to. I want to go right back to the beginning and talk about things that have happened in the past, find out why I am like I am!

There is so much more than what has happened recently, when I think back, I'm not sure I can ever remember being completely happy, not even as a child. But maybe that's just because I seem to be focusing on the negatives quite a lot these day!

I'm not sure how many more sessions I have witht he CPN, I'm guessing it will be until we've worked through the booklet she has given me. Maybe it will be more benificial as we get further into it. Maybe there will be some uselful information/lessons to help me change the way I think.

Right now, I'm worried that I will use all the good will I have at work for taking time off on something that I don't feel is doing much for me, then when it comes to the counselling, they might want to pull the plug. I do have the option of doing lunch time sessions with the CPN so I might ask her next time, and if the work we're doing is not going to be emotionally challenging/draining, I might opt for the that.

What I really want is someone to wave a magic wand and just make it all go away... But then, wouldn't we all ;)
The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning ~Ivy Baker Priest~
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Re: Where do I go from here?

Postby Bel Bel » Thu Apr 19, 2012 3:28 pm

If after a couple more sessions you don't think it is helping you then you should say so, tell htem you think there is more to get out and you feel you need to do that face to face to really open up.
Hopefully then you will get put forward for conselling.
If they think thay are helping because you don't tell the,m their not they have no reason to put you forward for conselling.
Is paying fro some conselling yourself an option?
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Re: Where do I go from here?

Postby f-p » Fri Apr 20, 2012 12:35 pm

You're right of course, if I don't speak up, they will assume that I am getting what I need... Sometimes the most obvious truths just seem to pass me by haha :)

I do know at the beginning there was talk of counselling after depression management, I guess i should ask if that is still going to be the case. If so, I could possibly move the CPN appointments to lunch time (I can stagger my lunch hour slightly to fit) Then that would leave me in a better position if I needed some early finishes for counselling. I'm thinking that the counselling would be more emotionally challenging than the depression management, does anybody know if that is the case?
If so, I probably wouldn't want to have to come back to work afterwards!

But yes, I have thought about getting some form of counselling for myself even if it means paying... I'm not in a brilliant financial position at the minute but if I don't get any further with the mental health team that I'm seeing now, it is definitely something I would hope to do in the not too distant future.

Now this journey has finally started, I want to see it right through to the end! It's high time I started living again rather than just existing :)
The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning ~Ivy Baker Priest~
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Re: Where do I go from here?

Postby snail » Fri Apr 20, 2012 5:53 pm

f-p wrote:I'm thinking that the counselling would be more emotionally challenging than the depression management, does anybody know if that is the case?


Yes, based on my own experience I'd say that was definitely true.
How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.

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