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Best way to deal with anxiety?

Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 10:23 am
by carmenmarie1

I've written on here before (wanting men that I cant have - in relationship forum) mainly outlining my problem. I've been very down to the point where I would say a little poorly these last few months. A mixture of things, but mainly due to a guy letting me down. :cry: It sounds like a little problem but the feeling of rejection and not knowing what is going on with us has left me feeling really torn. I have always suffered from anxiety, for years now my heart beats ridiculously fast and I feel as though I cant breathe. Years ago I used to be a cutter, I stopped in 2002, but these last few months I just havent felt able to cope.

To anyone else suffering from depression and anxiety, do you know when it is at its worst? For me its as soon as I wake up. For 6-8 hours its almost an escape, and then I wake up and remember. I realise that that my life is still the same, and the man that is plaguing me is still heavily lurking and hasnt gone anywhere. I know he hasnt texted or contacted me, and I feel so low that I want to scream. Once I am up and about I get a lot better and learn to live with it. Im just wondering if there is something about early mornings when waking up, that makes anxiety and depression so much more intense? For me when I go to bed and try to sleep, my heart just wont let me, it beats constantly and I cant stop thinking about him/us to the point where I just cant breathe. Of course the more I panic, the worse it gets.

I have been to the doctors, they measured my heart beat, looked at my chest and apart from slightly high blood pressure (hardly surprising!) there was nothing wrong with me. They diagnosed anxiety. I spoke to my counseller about my mornings and she told me to start being aware of my body and to get up as soon as possible. Does anyone else suffer from this? If not how do I make it stop? I dread waking up sometimes.

Re: Best way to deal with anxiety?

Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 10:55 am
by Bel Bel
I'm sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment
My daughter once suffered terribly from anxiety after a bad attack from a bunch of girls. She actually would be physically sick if anything bothered her.
The anxiety is very hard to get under control but thought replacement is one of the ways she was encouraged to try.
Make a list of things that make you happy and read it as soon as you wake up. Put on a song you really love to lift your mood.
I would listen to the consellors suggestions too, after all that's what they are trained for.
Try to remember this is just one guy, there are millions out there and now you are more aware you are less likely to get yourself into the same situation again
By the way my daughter got better very quickly once she implimented the cognitive therapists suggestions

Re: Best way to deal with anxiety?

Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 11:16 am
by highlandcow
Hi Carmen *waves*
carmenmarie1 wrote:Years ago I used to be a cutter, I stopped in 2002
Firstly, well done on overcoming this. =D> =D>

I actually suffer from anxiety myself, although not quite in the way you do. I tend to get worked up very quickly when something doesn't go quite right ie: if my boyfriend doesn't answer his phone, I instantly think "oh my God, something's happened to him!" when all the while he's in the shower, on the loo, driving, any number of perfectly valid reasons. But my mind won't think of a rational reason, and I start pacing up and down, heart pounding etc.
A trip to the doctors also confirmed I was suffering with anxiety and they recommended a website I could use, I'll attach it here for you. - I think that's it. It's all about changing the way you think and react to certain situations. It worked for me to an extent.

I think Bel Bel has some very good ideas here. It sounds cheesy but another thing that helped me was standing in front of the mirror and telling yourself positive things. Keep doing the things that the counsellors recommend as well.

Re: Best way to deal with anxiety?

Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 11:22 am
by carmenmarie1
Thanks Bel Bel. I'm sorry about your daughter, I hope she is better now. That must have been awful.

Hi Highland :) Thank you. I never really asked for help with the cutting. I just knew in the back of mind it was wrong so I stopped. I've never done it since, but there have been dark times when it feels like its the only release. Then I remember, its not what I really want to do.

Wow, that all sounds so familar. When I first got with my bf, if he didnt answer the phone I was convinced he had gone off me or something. I thought of taking valium at one point I was so worked up. Thanks so much for the website, Ill check it out. I dont really know anyone else that suffers from it like I do.

Thats a great suggestion with the list and a good song. I will try that. (I cant bear to look at myself in the mirror :-? )

I honestly cant comprehend how this is happenning to me over one guy. The joke is, Im not even sure it is him. I feel it cant just be about this one guy - who frankly isnt even anything that special. Like I said before, I think that is what is genuienly frustrating me and sending me a little bit round the bend. He was my back up guy, just someone I had fun with to distract me from someone else. I was never that bothered about him in the beginning and I think that is what is really bothering me. How he has now become my everything. I guess its that feeling that even he didnt want me. I was more intimate with him in 6 months then I was with my bf in 5 years and the way he has just dropped me like a piece of meat has made me feel so inexplicably used and damaged. But I guess the status of our relationship means he hasnt really done anything wrong. The worse thing is the more distant he is the more I want him. This is a problem which Im trying to deal with.

The attacks are just horrendous. I cant explain what it feels like when I wake up in the morning (not every morning thank god) and think of him, which then leads me to think about other rubbish aspects of my life, money, being alone, work etc... Its like nothing else matters and he us all I can see sometimes. I hate him for this, I really do :evil: :cry: ](*,)

Ill get through it. Ive been through this before, I know theres a light at the end of the tunnel. [-o<

Re: Best way to deal with anxiety?

Posted: Thu Dec 22, 2011 11:29 am
by Bel Bel
I think you are right it isn't really about this guy that's just an easy thing to point your finger at
You are unhappy but from this you can get change and be happier some time down the line
Ultimately you will look back in a few weeks/months and realise it was a good thing even though the side effects of it aren't
You are getting everything out and usually that is a hard path but if you suppress your feelings you could end up even worse
I really believe this is a catalyst for change and you will come out the other side happier and stronger

Re: Best way to deal with anxiety?

Posted: Tue Jan 03, 2012 6:54 pm
by LME79
Keep going with the counselling and like you and everyone else says, you'll come out the other side happier. I've recently admitted to myself that I do suffer with anxiety but with me it's my health - I convince myself that every twinge is cancer, every headache is a tumour, every time I feel hungry(!) it's stomach cancer ... I know it's irrational but the feelings are so overwhelming which is when my attacks happen. Thankfully I've recognised when they're on the way and can more or less control them so they're not as frequent now.

I get it the worst when I have time to myself; have learnt how to recognise when a panic attack is on the way and so I can nip it in the bud; the way I recognise them is I start to get short of breath and then my heart starts beating really quickly, followed by sweating (if I let it get that far). I find that massaging my temples, looking down and focussing on my breathing helps me to calm down. Sometimes I cry for a little bit afterwards and sometimes I don't - depends on how far along I get so the quicker I'm able to get over it the better. I hope that this helps you, I know that they're absolutely horrendous.

Cognitive therapy, as Bel Bel has said, is supposed to be great for anxiety - one of my best friends is having it at the moment and she's gaining so much from it (she was far worse than me and would panic attack every day). I'm going to be looking into it myself.

Good luck - and you're not alone!