Feeling a bit down :( don't know why really.

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Feeling a bit down :( don't know why really.

Postby stressball » Thu Dec 22, 2011 10:38 pm

Hi guys, I'm posting on the "Mental Wellbeing" section as I feel I am slowly going mental. There's just got to be something wrong with me, I'm feeling so low at the moment and I have pretty pathetic reasons as to why! I'm not looking for sympathy or help here, just need to write it all down, I hope whoever has the time to read understands that I'm not in the best frame of mind to appreciate all the good things I have!

There's my job - I've recently took on the workload of a lady who left in September as well as my own which has been really stressful in itself, I couldn't handle the pressure and workload (was staying late every night, coming home tired and grumpy) so I asked my boss for help. Now all my colleagues are calling me a "drama queen" by telling my boss that I can't handle 2 jobs...and now they have to suffer the consequences (ie they have to help with my workload now). I work in an all male office so their usual comeback if I have a problem is that I'm "too emotional" I'm fed up with dealing with them. One of them actually falls asleep at their desk a couple of times a week. My boss mentions it to me as a joke as he thinks it's funny(!!!!) and when I said I didn't find it funny, my boss asked me to keep a record of when my colleague falls asleep so he has a case!!! Another colleague stays on the internet all day even though he has loads of deadlines and I'm working my as s off all day!! But I'm not allowed to moan about my job as my parents said "just be thankful you have a job, ungrateful moo".

There's my friends - a constant let-down, especially recently. The ones I've accepted that have disappeared out of my life this year surprise me by sending me an xmas card (when they didnt bother last year). So I'm left wondering what the hell?? Then I get the other side of the coin - the ones who I've got really close to and put my heart into buying nice gifts and cards for them for xmas don't even bother sending me a measley xmas card. My best friend has been off the radar for months (to be fair, she had a baby in May so I understand she has distractions) but she still has the time to socialise with others who she says she doesn't like, yet can't even see me or send me a xmas card!! Seriously?!? I feel I'm getting close to another lady when all she does is criticise my decisions (why did i get married being the favourite as she is unhappily single) then she keeps making digs at me when we are out socialising with others - I counted 5 nasty, unprovoked comments in the first hour when we last went out! I've done nothing to her other than being a friend when her and her fella split up!

There's my older sister, who I'm not even going to go into detail on as there's just too much hurt. In summary, she hates me, and theres nothing I can do to change that. I've really tried to be a sister to her but she's so self involved and self obsessed she doesn't realise that I love her anyway. She's been really nasty to me and my husband and now I have to spend friggin Christmas day with her and her bloomin camera going off every 5 seconds (i hate my pic being taken and she knows this but takes unflattering pics of me and puts them on fb).

I've put on so much weight this year and none of my clothes fit, but I haven't got the energy or inclination to lose weight. Physically, I feel rubbish. Bloated, uncomfortable and heavy.

I keep thinking every day that something bad is going to happen to me or one of my family... and I'm petrified of walking alone in the dark from work and staying in on my own.

My house is a constant tip - and I feel like the housework never ends. I'm in the process of moving furniture around and we still have old furniture in the house I can't get rid of yet (i cant drive, so cant take it to the dump). It's really frustrating me that I can't move around properly coz everything is in the way!!!

I have so much to be thankful for - namely my lovely understanding caring husband who has to put up with my moaning every single night for weeks now and never complains. He is my one constant ray of sunshine right now.

I guess that's it, I've actually bored myself talking about all this, and reading it all back, sounds stupidly selfish and ungrateful. Thanks for reading whoever got this far.
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Re: Feeling a bit down :( don't know why really.

Postby highlandcow » Fri Dec 23, 2011 1:32 pm

Oh Stressball you poor thing. So sorry to hear you're going through it, especially at this time of year, when everything seems so much harder to deal with.
Have a hug. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

I'm afraid I can't really offer much in the way of practical advice, but I just wanted to let you know, you're not alone. I went through a similar phase recently which is still sort of ongoing, but slowly getting better.

The way you're reacting to the stress is perfectly normal. It's horrible when this all happens at once but things do improve, and it sounds like you've got a lovely husband to help you through it. This won't last forever, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I guess that sometimes you have to take a lot of pleasure in the smaller things in life, and take each day one at a time. I found that it helped to make a list of little things I really liked to do and make time to do some of them, just to make sure there are some nice things to break things up.

There are a few practical things I can think of....for instance is there anyone else you can talk to about the way things are at work (your boss's boss?) or maybe there could be a course you could do to help find another job altogether.

Keep the faith though, things will get better, keep your chin up. Buddhists say that everything is impermanent, sometimes I find that helps. :)
Go to Glasgow at least once in your life and have a roll and square sliced sausage and a cup of tea. When you feel the tea coursing over your spice-singed tongue, you'll know what I mean when I say:
'It's good to be alive!'"

- Billy Connolly
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Re: Feeling a bit down :( don't know why really.

Postby retrochav » Tue Dec 27, 2011 10:45 pm

If ever someone needed a break its you - and Christmas wont cut it (by the sounds of it, it could be the straw that breaks the camels back).

In short it seems you have no support in life. Friends who seem to take and only give back when they think they might, or friends who seem to have read enemy in the dictionary and used it to define friendship. Parents who seem to think that a bit of support means a kick up the b'side, a job where only you appear to have grasped what "work" means, and a home that appears to be more like aladins cave with cinderellas housework list!

So what can be done about this. Firstly, you arent going mental at all. You are stressed from tying to hold everything together and not having a breather from it. Secondly, those in your life wont change, but your actions can change theirs, and thirdly, lets see what practical things can be considered.

Easy one first. The surplus furniture. Either look for a charity which collects furniture, put it on free-cycle or gumtree (other listing sites are available - these just sprung to mind) or ask the council how much to remove bulky items. Its a pain when you can drive (i cant either) so we have to find ways around it if our partners are too busy to help!

Housework. My nan always says "a blind man would be glad to see dust" and after years of trying to be a stereotypical houseproud gay man, I agee with her. Turn the lights down low and then you cant see it. As far as housework goes, having been told by an A -grade housewife, I can say this. If the toilet is bleached and the kitchen worktops are disinfected regular, no-one will get food poisoning. You have one full time job, dont pretend you can humanly manage another full time job in the home. If a machine doesnt do the bulk of it (cooker to cook those ready meals, washing machine to scrub those easy iron clothes) dont attempt it on a work night.

Family and friends. One group we can minimally see but are sort of stuck with, the other group can be phased out when no longer meeting needs. Explain to your mum that whilst she cant make it better, like putting a plaster on a grazed knee, she could try just listening and offering a hug. Take the batteries out of your sisters camera - that will slow her down! On a longer term note, try pitying her if she doesnt like you - jealousy is her illness not yours. With your friends, decide who usually meets you half way and explain to them how you feel, and what might help. Your friend with the baby probably needs a lot of support right now because it is really tough in the early years, so if she is usually a good mate then forgive her. The friend who has broken up with someone is probably bitter - maybe take a few small steps back, as she is firing venom all over the place at present by the sounds of it.

Work. Your boss is right. keep that diary, as without it there is no paper trail of what is going on. A boss does need evidence to deal with an issue - and if they dont, go higher if possible. If that isnt possible, then keep the diaries in case you want to go to an employment tribunal, or simply change job at a better time.

Most of all, try to get a weeks leave very soon. You neednt go anywhere. When i was in a low paid job and couldnt afford to go away, I simply locked up the front rooms and kitchen. I would get up, get some snacks from the supermarket and visit places on the bus. My bloke got used to bedroom dinners (I said if he wanted to cook and use the front room then he was welcome, but i wasnt working for a whole week! Well you can guess what he chose!) It really helped me to face things a fresh.

I hope something will be of use.
whatever your problem someone else has been there and bears the scars.
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Re: Feeling a bit down :( don't know why really.

Postby stressball » Wed Dec 28, 2011 10:26 am

Well first off I'd like to thank highlandcow and retrochav for your kind and thoughtful replies, it lifted my spirits instantly! To be honest I didnt expect so much compassion because I know people have bigger and worse problems to deal with, so thank you for being nice :) I've read both your replies and have concluded that it's my attitude that needs to change as all the other "issues" I have will still be there. I think it's the housework that gets to me the most. But as you say retrochav, as long as it's clean, that's all that matters. I think I've got obsessed with housework because my mum spends all her free time cleaning (my parents house is more like a show house and is spotless) which I know I can never compete with. Although when she comes round she always screws her nose up, completely unintentionally probably, but I have a cat and she doesn't have any pets so it's harder for me to keep everything tidy. Goodness knows what she'll say if we have a family soon!!! As for my friends, the lady who split with her fella, had all this happen 3 years ago. I'm not saying she should have got over it by now but there's not been any let up in her venomous behaviour since then. I think I'll do my best to keep away from her... Even though we walk to work and work in the same building!! The lady with the baby has always been flaky from even before her little one so I don't know what else I expected, really. It's just all her "friends" treat her like rubbish (refusing to have her out with them socially as she couldn't drink whilst pregnant!) but as soon as they are back on the scene she drops me like a stone. Getting fed up with it now :( As for work, I'm refusing to stay late and work my as s off purely on principle and I'm searching for jobs every other day. Although my husband doesn't want me to quit (says there's more chance of getting made redundant in this economy if I'm a newbie somewhere else) :( oh and Xmas day was ok although when I was laughing with my parents about something my sister kept looking at me funny and laughing sarcastically, but I was good and ignored it :) I have the next 3 days off work (hubby at work) so I'm intending to blitz the house today and relaxing next 2 days, taking your advice! :) thanks again for your replies and sorry for any misspellings and not paragraphing - I'm on my phone which made it harder to reply (took me 3 attempts!!) thank you :) x x
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