I'm a mess

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I'm a mess

Postby sparkly_star » Sun Aug 19, 2012 12:45 pm

Feeling better about things now, and slightly embarrassed by this post so... *snip*
Last edited by sparkly_star on Tue Aug 21, 2012 10:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
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Re: I'm a mess

Postby Ticktock » Mon Aug 20, 2012 2:38 pm

Normally I would sympathise with you and tell you how you aren't a mess and are really a lovely person who just needs to give herself a chance... however, looking at your history I suspect this has been repeated by many people ad nauseum, while you ignore every piece of advice you are given.

The crux of the matter seems to be you not getting what you want, how life won't co-operate with you, but life doesn't have to do that. Life is unfair, nasty things happen to nice people and horrible people have everything dropped at their feet. The only way we can change this is by taking risks with our choices and trying new things till we get to the point where we find our maximum happiness, which may not be as happy as other people but it isn't really a competition.

What you are feeling is self pity and its sole purpose is to manipulate the people round you, not to do anything positive, just to do get their sympathy, and once you have that you feel even more wretched and powerless. It is a childish behaviour and I wonder if your parents are quite controlling as you recognise when you were away at university you were able to achieve more.

I know you would really like a clinical reason why you are as you are, your description of your 'almost' panic attacks is similar to a friend of mine who has a habit of adopting symptoms he has read of but doesn't actually suffer to try and protect himself from some difficult questions about his capabiility. The truth is the only solution for how you are is for you to change, to try new things, to move out of the grove you have carved for yourself because you know that contains no happiness for you.
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Re: I'm a mess

Postby snail » Mon Aug 20, 2012 3:12 pm

If you've done 2 weeks then that's 4 days in total - I don't think 4 days is long enough to know how useful it will be. You're bound at the very least to meet new people and learn one or two new skills or facts, and it will keep you occupied. There's no reason why you can't keep looking and sending out letters, and switch if something better comes along.

I would do the training - it's only 1 day and while "training" sounds scary it's generally just learning things, sitting in a room while someone tells you things. It won't be stressful and you might find it interesting, and at the very least you'll be able to say you've had experience of training.

Once you know more about the organisation and the place, you may well be able to find yourself things to do, and find ways to make these things more tailored to your interests.
How we spend our days is how we spend our lives.

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