Not really coping

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Just Landed
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Not really coping

Post by janjan » Fri Apr 25, 2014 12:36 pm


I could not decide which board to post this on because there are a few elements to the issue. Recently, life has become very stressful. My 15 year old son has had a major mental crisis and is currently admitted as an in-patient to a Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAMHS) unit. My husband has coping issues of his own, so I have been acting as a sort of crutch/chopping block at home. I teach in a college which entails a two hour commute each way from home and recently my teaching was graded 'inadequate' for the first time in twenty years as a lecturer (I am not sure if issues at home had anything to do with the quality of my performance or not). My son seems to be rejecting me e.g. saying he does not want to see me and this cuts me to the core.

As a result, I am not really coping. I am extremely tearful. I try to avoid people at work because I cannot find the energy for conversation, I cannot concentrate, I am increasingly forgetful and my enthusiasm has gone. I am actively looking for another job, but I fear that I will be dragged through 'incompetency' proceedings before I manage to find one. I cannot take time off through stress because I am afraid that this will have an even more negative impact on my son (and his brother) and my husband.

Does anyone know of any coping strategies that I can use to help me through this tricky patch?


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Bel Bel
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Re: Not really coping

Post by Bel Bel » Mon Apr 28, 2014 10:01 am

Do the school not provide counselling services
You cannot simply try to carry on and expect everything to be ok, you will end up having a breakdown yourself.
If you can't get counselling through the school go to your doctor.
It's better to take some time off than to get dragged through incompetency procedures. That won't help you get another job.

You can't be everyone's support system if you aren't getting help yourself.

Your son may come round in time for now he is safe and being looked after so try not to worry too much about him. Use this opportunity to help yourself get stronger.

Your husband should also be getting help outside the home not using you as his crutch. You are not a professional so you may not be giving your husband the right sort of support to help himself.

If you end up cracking up yourself you won't be able to help either of them in the future
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Re: Not really coping

Post by ILoveChristmas » Fri May 02, 2014 9:41 am

Hi JanJan,

I just wanted to add a little bit to what BelBel has written by saying that I think it's extremely important that you have a confidential meeting with someone at the college to inform them of what's going on in your life. I'd say it's pretty certain that events in your private life are responsible for the problems you're having at work, but if the college isn't made aware of what's going on you risk being subject to incompetency procedures and being treated as though you're not capable of performing your job. Letting the college know at least some of what's going on will hopefully turn the issue from a disciplinary to one of ongoing support.

The last thing you need to be worrying about right now is your job. Often our jobs are the only point of stability in our lives when everything else is in disarray. You need that point of stability.
Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive. - Stephen Fry.

The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. — Steve Furtick

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