Haha, just having a friendly ear to listen is more than just enough, as much as you are just observing, you aren't being judgemental and are being very helpful and constructive for me to just let it all out in the open without feeling at a loss, so I say once again I'm truly thankful.
Heh aye, isn't that just always the way? But that's reassuring to hear, as much as I have seen many people been told the same, it's just relieving to say the least. As it just comes and goes in waves over and over when I least expect it and it just drives me lower and lower dwelling on the subject without my control, as I just can't seem to find even 5 minutes to just practice breathing exercises nor to even calm myself down as I'm forever paranoid in my household. Just always. Even when I can assure myself that nothing is wrong, it just starts all up again because of the smallest of things, like (now more than anything) times I just want to be left alone to have a breather, but than one of my two brothers will just barge into the room. It's got the point where just the sight of my family discomforts me, and I know that's worrying.
But I agree, I have never judged another on their sexual orientation, as I believe that whoever we love is our choice. But it's just I have always, and I don't want to offend, been discomforted by the subject of gay men. Not that I have ever felt threatened, but as my girlfriend used to call me a "manly man" XD I really have no way to put it except I have always known my sexuality as straight as I have always adored women. And it's odd but, I have even tried um.. visioning myself in a homosexual encounter but I just.. can't? Like it's never myself, it's always other men, or I would somehow imagine things from the women's perspective (which is always my girlfriend...) I really don't know how to explain it which is most of the problem and I don't want to be too personal either h-hah but if I ever do come across myself in my own imagination it's always with my girlfriend. But you're right, I think most of the problem is rooted from my own judgement, I keep labelling it as "gay" thoughts. But aye haha, because of the groin problem I had started feeling at a loss of, well being a man which had gotten me distant from my girlfriend in the first place.
But you do make a good point there... i never intended nor ever wish to ever become a responsibility, nor do I feel the same for her. It's just worrying has become a daily thing, not that there hasn't been a moment we don't worry but within reason- especially now when I know there's so many things worrying her (all the things around us in all honesty) which in turn worries me. But you are very right.