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Problemsss

Postby Italian Mumma » Sun Nov 19, 2006 6:49 pm

Hey.. im 15 and still at school, this time last year i lost my virginity and since that day i have slept with 6boys. i know i sound like a slag but each boy i did it with i made sure i knew and that i actually liked them. they all took me for an easy ride and didnt talk to me after i slept with them, thats all in the past now and i have learnt from my mistakes.

Right now i am sleeping with a boy i have known for about a year now we have been friends for ages and get along so well. we meet up every other day and enjoy eachothers compay so much. it sounds easy right? y dont i jus go out with him, i wish i could.. theres so many complications thou as im 15 and hes 20/ that makes him sound like pervet but hes really not im very mature for my age as alot of people know. We both like eachother so much but wont do anything about it cos know wat people will think and say but when im 16 he says we can actuaaly be a couple :D (which is in 6months!). Thats not the last of my problems thou, my 2 best friends are in love with him and would go mad if they knew about me sleepign with him, also my dad said he wud break his neck and report him to the police if he finds out i have slept with him which i rele dont want to happen because everything that has happend between me and him hasnt been his fault, i hate it because hes the one guy who treats me right and who i actually like and get on really well with but i cant do anything about it :( im so happy when im with him but wen im not i have so many worries on my mind about people finding out. should i stop seeing him?

Thanks x
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Postby LME79 » Mon Nov 20, 2006 11:30 pm

Hi Italian Mumma.

First things first. You are underage and by sleeping with you he is breaking the law. Are there any other activities you pursue other than sex? I would advise to stop sleeping with him and take a step back, possibly just get to know him as a friend. Reason being is that I'm 26 and the male friends I have now I have known since I was 16 so I knew them when they were 20 and believe me, the majority of them were walking hormones. The only thing they wanted from a girl was sex, not a relationship. If he does truly love you he will understand that he CANNOT keep sleeping with an underage girl and, in six months time when you reach 16, he will be prepared to give it another go.

Please stop sleeping with him though, for both your sakes.
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Postby innocent » Mon Nov 20, 2006 11:42 pm

i agree theres more to a relationship than sex even though you're not official yet, you can stil enjoy the time you have together. Ask yourself why would a 20 year old man be attracted to a 15 year old girl if it wasnt to do with sex? I don't think you should have sex with him again at least until he says your officially together, at least you will know he is genuine.
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Postby Moose » Mon Nov 20, 2006 11:47 pm

Lilmissespana is talking sense. In addition to what she has said, you should ask yourself why he thinks it's okay to sleep with you for now when you're underage but he doesn't think it's okay to say he's in a relationship with you.

I know it's hard to make a stand when you really like someone, but you need to look after yourself.
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Postby Nobody's_Perfect » Mon Nov 20, 2006 11:56 pm

Hi,

I agree with the other posts.

It seems like you've got yourself into quite a situation. From experience, I can understand your issue with the age gap; what's worse is that especially in your case he would be put in a bad position as you are still under the legal age of consent.

If anyone was to find out you were sleeping together you could potentially get him into a lot of trouble and although you like him, you really have to ask yourself is it worth that risk? He may be 20, and presumably should be more mature and responsible as an adult; and if that is the case, he should also know that sleeping with you is illegal.

I'm not lecturing, but merely pointing out the facts. I think you already know what will happen with the law and with your parents/friends if they were to find out.

You're probably really convinced that he is the real deal, and if that is the case, if you really do want to share a proper relationship that's perfectly legal, have you considered the possibility of putting your 'relationship' on hold until you turn 16 and see if he has still stuck by you and isn't just with you for one reason only?

As with the number of men you've slept with, in view of your age, this is something that you know cannot be rectified or changed, but it might be a good idea to be more careful or selective of who you choose to sleep with, in terms of your emotions and for health reasons. Make sure you know both yours and their intentions before making that decision. It may sound rather ridiculous and lecture-sounding, but it'll benefit you in the long-term. To put it frankly, there's no point in getting hurt just for a few minutes in the sack!

I'm glad you say you've learnt from your past experiences, I'm not saying be paranoid, but always have an air of caution when it comes to something as important as relationships, or 'perceived relationships,' especially if sex has to come into it so early on.

Good luck with it all, becareful and I hope you make the right decision according to what you think is right.
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Postby Liquidius » Tue Nov 21, 2006 11:27 am

Once again, I have a slightly opinion of all of the above.

They're all right, sleeping with someone when you're underage is breaking the law, but you're 15, almost 16. I think you're capable of making your own decisions. You lost your virginity at an early age, which I think to a certain extent you do regret, but seem to be learning from now. Just one word of advice: Don't forget to use a condom!

However, in this case, I think your judgement may be a little out. You're just sleeping with him, there is no relationship there at the moment. It's possible he may like this arrangement, as because he has no real commitment, he can wander off and sleep with anyone else he likes, whilst he thinks about whether he wants a relationship or not.

Why not test him on this, and see if he really is willing to wait for you? I suggest you stop sleeping with him for the time being, at least until you're 16, and see if he's still waiting around for you then. That way, you can get to know him as a person a little bit better, and you can also see if he's serious about the whole thing.

If he is, and he's still around waiting for you in 6 months time - then I think you need to talk to your Dad first. He's not being horrible, but it seems that Dad's just don't want anyone to hurt their children, especially girls, and he's just trying to protect you. As annoying as it may seem now, you'll be thankful for it in the future.
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Postby Janice » Wed Nov 29, 2006 3:19 pm

Hi, everbody. First of all, I am sorry that I have no time to read all of the replies( which is so long and nice too), so that if I have any idea same as yours, I am not copying, we are just thinking of the same thing.
Ok, now let's deal with the problem.
Firstly, do you think love is more important than family, friendship and law added together? If not, stop sleeping with him, no matter how attractive he may be. You will lose your friends(since they are in love with him)and family, as your father is obviously against this( I think your mum supports him, right?). And also, you will not do him any good by sleeping with him. In fact, you are "forcing" him to break the law. Does it worth it?
Secondly, I wonder if this guy had a good job(such as lawyer, teacher of even a trader)? I don't think he does, because if he has a good job, he must be very educated and wise and he won't sleep with a 15 year old [b]GIRL[/b]. If he doesn't have a good job or even he even hasn't got one, how will you two live on in the future. Money will not come upon you just by sleeping on a bed( or maybe you can't even afford one). You can say that you could live on social aid, but as I know social aid is not much, you will properly be living in a small apartment and have only two meals a day( or even one)!You can't live on his parents either( your parents will properly not support you), what will you do after they die?
So, stop sleeping with this man, or even seeing him if necessary and go back to your school work. In this case, you may have your friendship and family back. Girls like you should be studying at school, not sleeping with man or getting married!!! Think twice, this sort of thing is not hurry, people usually get married at the age of twenty something. That is a long way to go, Italian Mumma. You can do many great things in these years except sleeping with man.
Be wise and down to earth..........
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Postby Littlelovely » Mon May 21, 2007 2:59 pm

A man of 20 is on a different level then a girl of 15, believe me!! i considered myself as mature at 15 too, but now know I wasnt. I slept with someone when I was 14 and he was 19 and looking back now I cant believe I lost my virtginity to him. It makes me feel sick knowing I did because I knew when I hit 20 that I thought I was so grown up then and wasted something so special. Between the ages of 14 and 19 I slept with 25 men. Now I am 26 and know better,. When you get in a proper relationship later on in life you will have to explain how u have spelt with so may people. I wish I hadnt slept with about 20 of them people, sex is something you should share with people you really love, Have some respect for you, coz if u dont people will lose respect 4 u!!
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Postby streetglow_cruiser » Mon May 21, 2007 3:51 pm

i dissagrree with some of that, i have a keen interest with a girl who is 14 (not sexual, just good friends) she is a very attractive girl (as far as i can say) but i have no interest as far as sex goes as i know she is under age.
however i do agree that you should take a step back and wait for 6 months. not all of us 20-something males are bags of hormones and he may be genuinely interested in a relationship.
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