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I think I have a crush on my teacher

PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 2:26 am
by The Annonymous Potato
I do. the "think" part is just my attempt to justify it.

I've known this teacher for 7 years, they've taught me for 5 years, he says I'm "one of the best students he's ever had", I thought I had a crush on him when I was 14, but it went away quickly, and again now, except this time I've felt like this since the summer holidays, and it's really taking over my life.

I really do hate myself for feeling like this, It's not fair on me and it's not fair on him I just can't understand why I am attracted to this teacher, he's like 30 years older than me (but he doens't look that old), married and has a daughter my age. And that makes me hate myself more still, I mean what is wrong with me?!?

I can't stop thinking about this teacher. It's 1:00am I have a load of work due tomorrow and I'm online typing up this! I don't want to feel this way, and it must be SO obvious, because he can read me like a book, he just knows by looking at me when I haven't done my homework, It must look so bad when Every time he says anything to me I just go red even if I don't feel red. And sometimes the only words I can bring myself to say are "erm" and "uh", I must sound so stupid...... :oops:

What should I do? I can't concentrate on anything, and I hate myslef for feeling this way, it's so wrong. I can't look him in the eye. I'm never going to say ANYTHING, ever. Unlike most people, I know the difference between fantasy and reality. But should I tell them? should I tell them when I leave this school? How do I get rid of these thoughts? How do I stop feeling this way?

PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 10:38 am
by missy3
Ahh, honey - there's nothing wrong with you. You're becoming an adult, and what you are doing is exploring your emotions by putting them onto someone you can't have. It's like having a crush on a popstar, only a lot more mature, because now you fancy him because he's a nice person rather than because he looks good!

This is not meant in anyway to make you feel like you are still a child - I'm 31 and had/have a crush on a completely unobtainable man, so I REALLY know how you feel. Horrible isn't it?

No, you shouldn't tell him. Yes, he probably knows. He'll also be familiar with this - if you work with younger people, you get used to the fact that some of them fancy you. He probably likes you too, but in a 'daughter' kind of way. If you tell him how you feel, he's going to be in a very difficult position, and you will just want to sink through the floor.

The hard part is, you can't just get rid of your feelings. The part that's hardest to believe is that they will (eventually) go away.

I deal with my crush by fantasising. I know I can never be with him, I accept that. But I figure there's nothing wrong with playing little 'videos' in my head of how it would be... Puts a smile on my face anyway!

You will get through this. I promise.
If you want to talk, I'm here - PM me if you want. Sometimes it just helps to pour it out to someone who has been there.
Missy
x

PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 2:55 pm
by HappyGoLucky
I guess you know this relationship will most probably not work out at all. It would be a wise move not to tell him how you feel about him as it would be really awkward to see him everyday after that. The feelings will go away in future - sounds simple and easy, I know. Right now, the hard part will be to keep your feelings to yourself (and it's best not to tell anyone at the moment in case it leaks out).

Don't hate yourself - it's probably hormones and that kind of stuff doing the job!

Take Care.

PostPosted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 2:28 am
by The Annonymous Potato
thanks for the advice. :)

yes, I do fantasise about him. But recently all I see are signs with messages like "express yourself" and "the truth shall set you free" etc. And I keep fantasising about him asking me if I have a crush on him.

And I don't really hate myself all that much, I used to at first, but now the problem is I'm becoming obsessed because I know nothing can happen. So obsessed that I have a page in a notebook where I write down any moments with him that I want to remember no matter how minor and probably meaningless. I write each incident on one line, the date, the aproximate time, where, and then the main keywords of what happend abreviated or in code. This can be anything from smiling, to questionable flirting, to special priviledges, or to hugging me. THe title is in pig latin and says "close encounters of the third kind" It's when I read this paragraph and look at the 12 lines on that page, I realise just how obsessed I am. Yesterday he subbed for the PE teacher, we were doing a Badminton practise thing in pairs, and I wasn't facing the right dirrection, so he came over and put his hand on my hip and tried to tell me to stand differently, but I wasn't concentrating because his hand had gone from my hip to my ass. And later, obsessed paranoid being that I am, I added it to the list. :cry:

It's hard to describe, sometimes I think he knows, because he does treat me differently to everyone else. I love it when he shouts as other people, and never EVER shouts at me, when I'm always late, forgetting things, not doing homework etc. Like a while ago, me and this other person hadn't done the homework, he had a right go at them, I just looked innocent and he completely let me off, as always. He caught someone chewing gum, he made them spit it out, and shouted at them. He caught me chewing gum, he just said don't chew so obviously and asked If he could have one. And he talks differently to me too, it's hard to explain.

What I want to know is how do I stop being so obsessed? and I'm seriously thinking about telling him on the last day before I go to sixth-form, because if I did that I'd have nothing to lose. Is that really such a bad idea?
:-?

PostPosted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 4:26 pm
by HappyGoLucky
I don't think it'd be a very good idea actually.

Sorry, but I think he may be treating you like a daughter - or you're maybe just his favourite pupil, that kind of thing. IF he really is flirting around with you, I don't think it's very right of him to as he is a teacher and he's also married!

Maybe stop writing the list and control yourself. Move on - sounds simple but it's hard to. Good Luck.

PostPosted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 5:08 pm
by Jess1234
Huni,

I think you're just gonna have to accept that this guy is married and that he is unavailable. I think from what I've read that he sees you as a daughter or a star pupil or something along those lines.

I do completely know where you're coming from though. Whenever i have a crush on someone I tend to overanalyse everything that happens. For example if he looks at me for more than 10secs i would go along the lines of he's about to get down on one knee and ask me to marry him!!

People say to 'just get over him' all the time but I know its not that simple. It will take time but I believe that you will meet some amazing guy who IS available and as much in love with you as you are with them.

I hope this makes sense
Jess xx

PostPosted: Sat Jan 26, 2008 8:08 pm
by morris mouse
HappyGoLucky wrote: Sorry, but I think he may be treating you like a daughter - or you're maybe just his favourite pupil, that kind of thing. IF he really is flirting around with you, I don't think it's very right of him to as he is a teacher and he's also married!


I agree with "HappyGoLucky"

Control yourself [-X and move on!!!

PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2008 3:47 pm
by Bel Bel
Perhpas you should try reversing your thinking and look for all the signs that tell you it's WRONG and CAN'T happen
You will ruin a family and a his career
It is unlikely to last and it is just a fantasy.
Be honest what do you really know about him, his interests, his religious beliefs, his political opinions, his morales (which are very questionable if he is giving you any encourgement), his favorite colur, food, cars etc etc
The point about someone we fantasize over is we can beleive they are what we would love them to be but the reality generally falls well below our expectations because we made most of the interesting stuff about them up in our head
I know it is really hard but try to focus on other things and as happygolucky says try to stop writing this special diary of events as it is only encouraging you to look harder for opportunities to add to this list

PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 1:43 am
by The Annonymous Potato
[quote="morris mouse

Control yourself [-X and move on!!![/quote]

Well that is what I have been doing if you haven't noticed. what is meant by the "shame on you" emoticon? when A moralistic soceity thinks it can moderate unwanted human feelings, that is when we know Freedom is lost. So no, I have nothing to be ashamed of.
8)

PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 9:47 am
by lidopig
I think morris mouse is quite right,and after all he's only giving his opinion and advice,which incidentally you are seeking by posting.You are quite at liberty to disregard everyones advice,growing up can be a long and hard process.Personally I think you've been watching too much Waterloo Road! :roll:

PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 10:23 am
by HappyGoLucky
The Annonymous Potato wrote:
morris mouse wrote:Control yourself [-X and move on!!!

Well that is what I have been doing if you haven't noticed. what is meant by the "shame on you" emoticon? when A moralistic soceity thinks it can moderate unwanted human feelings, that is when we know Freedom is lost. So no, I have nothing to be ashamed of.
8)


I think the "shame on you" emoticon was actually meant as something like... "No Way" because of the finger shaking just like saying no... [-X

Still, I don't think you have been controlling yourself much. You write in that book about all those things about you and him - now is that called controlling yourself? I don't think so.

You're getting other people's opinion and it seems like the majority has told you it's not a good idea at all and that you should move on. Stop writing that book and just stop fantasizing too much - that's what controlling yourself means I think.

PostPosted: Mon Feb 04, 2008 10:51 pm
by morris mouse
HappyGoLucky wrote: Stop writing that book and just stop fantasizing too much - that's what controlling yourself means


Exactly!!! I agree with "HappyGoLucky"

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 1:06 am
by The Annonymous Potato
well actually I find writing in the book and fantasising a method of controlling myself. Controlling myself Is going into school everyday, acting like everything is fine, hiding my feelings and resisting the urge to admit to him that I have a crush on him. I value your opinion, but either I tell the book how I feel or I tell him. Fantasy or reality. I can control fantasy, I can't control reality. So by resisting reality, is that not control?

And Although it is easy to resist the forbidden fruits, people do not understand that it is a long and hard process to stop wanting them. But I am trying to. I am pursuing a relationship with someone else. This is not a rebound thing, he's my age and we're really close. He means a lot to me, and I genuinly like him, I've always liked him. But The problem is I am not controlling myself. :cry:

As an attempt to get over this teacher, I find myself talking about my boyfriend infront of him, texting my boyfriend infront of him, and phoning my boyfriend infont of him. deliberatly, I see him coming and I automatically get my phone out. he seemed silently frustrated with me the other day, and then he tried to ignore me, and today I was talking to my BF on the phone and I saw him going through the corridor so I went into the corridor so I could hear my converstaion better, and Mr X looked sort of crushed. either crushed or he was thinking "Is she following me? and is that a phone stuck on the side of her head or a novelty earing?!"
#-o
I may be slowly getting over MR. X by doing this, as it distracts me, but now I feel that like I'm using my boyfriend, who I really do care about, and I'm being mean and acting like an idiot towards Mr. X.
[-X
Is mr. X jealous of my boyfriend? :-?

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 1:16 am
by The Annonymous Potato
lidopig wrote:I Personally I think you've been watching too much Waterloo Road! :roll:


never watched more than 15 mins of it, but it looks quite good. Why is there a similar story in waterloo road at the moment?

PostPosted: Tue Feb 05, 2008 9:04 am
by Pwif
The Annonymous Potato wrote:Is mr. X jealous of my boyfriend? :-?

No.

Teachers realise that it's common for pupils to have a crush on them. This can be flattering, but they know that nothing will come of it.

Your teacher is married and has a daughter. Concentrate on having a good time with your bf, and in time, the crush you have on your teacher will disappear. I guarantee it.