Down in the Dumps

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Down in the Dumps

Postby Lenore » Thu Apr 17, 2003 9:41 pm

I feel really stupid for even writing this forum. But anyway I have a problem... Firstly i went to the chat room to talk about this and there was a sweet guy called Enigma...thanks for being friendly :lol:
I have just recently stopped smoking after 7 years of it...well done i hear you say... i am proud of myself, but i can't stop myself from thinking maybe i'm doing this for my non-smoking boyfriend... and i am also cutting down lots on the drink too, even stopped going in my local pub! Now woul di be acting like this if it wasn't for my new boyfriend? I know this is all for the best and smoking and drink is bad for me... is he really doin gme a favour, or am i trying to be something i'm not? He's been to university and i'm haven't even gone as far as A-Levels, I think he bosses me about a bit... before him i hadn't had a boyfriend for 3 years, the only one before him was abusive, do you think that has something to do with it? I really like my new boyfriend, and everything was fine the first few months on dating, but now i don't think he can bare to put his arm round me when we walk down the street. I don't think he means to make me feel small and 'thick' but he does, he says things like, when we're in the video shop and we're choosing a video he'll ask what i'd like and i'll choose one and he'll say 'oh you won't like that'...!! what is that all about??
Anyway i needed to get that out of my system, i have loads more problems on my mind but i didn't think this would be this long.
I hope someone can give me some advice on this, i don't know how my boyfy feels, I really like him, and i'd like to not dump him lo
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Postby Aldo » Thu Apr 17, 2003 11:07 pm

hiya!
well done on not smoking anymore! a friend of mines stopped for a year and another stopped after smoking for 25 years!! so good on you.

Quit smoking, and cut drinking....sounds like your just comprimising and changing a bit for your boyfriend. What about things he may have differed for you? any? Thats what a relationship is about sometimes...if you really like someone then you may change the way you behave or act sometimes...not tooo much where you end up not being yourself anymore...but compromising.

why does he not want to touch you or hug you while your down the streets? maybe he is shy? or thinks too much about the public...maybe need a bit more insight here.

Again, video store....maybe he just wants to pick a film you WILL enjoy, maybe he kows your taste and dont want to disappoint you in an evening. Not being at uni etc doesnt make a difference, I for one wouldnt not go out with someone because they didnt go to uni etc.

I hope this helped a bit...let us know how things are going.
If you dont ask you will never know
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Postby Lenore » Thu Apr 17, 2003 11:17 pm

yeah thanks for that. It did help. But it just seems like i sacrificed a whole lot...and he didn't... It's not hard to stop smoking, and i can't see what he stopped, or did.. that i didn't like, it just feels like i'm making the effort here.
I can tell ththe last post was written by a man lol. Thats a good thing, can you see his point of view? He seems to have a way of making me feel stupid, that must be taught in uni or something, cause he does it really well lol!
And as for the video thing...if i got it out and payed for the video i would sit there and watch it regardless of weather i liked it or not lol...in my local video store they give away free popcorn... :lol:
But thanks for the reply i been waiting for it
A
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Postby Aldo » Thu Apr 24, 2003 11:19 pm

hehe...

Well...maybe your bf comments to you are defensive? Maybe he is trying to be actually funny...you know...sometimes I would joke about women being rubbish drivers...or my friend who is a girl has a very ickle brain...but those are just demaining jokes....maybe thats what he is doing but not getting across to you they are just jokes?

all the best!!
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Postby Gem » Mon May 12, 2003 10:59 pm

Maybe he really really likes you and is trying to look after you but doesn't realise he's being overpowering?? Our minds play funny tricks on us, it could be that you're over-analysing it (something which I am guilty of). If it is bothering you, talk to him about it,
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